


Kisses That Taste Like Metal and Bad Coffee

by Merwu



Category: DRAMAtical Murder (Visual Novel), DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canada, Coffee Shop AU gone wrong, Everyone Is Alive, Germany, Human Clear, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, References to Drugs, Suicide Attempt, somewhat slice of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-06-06 14:05:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 47,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merwu/pseuds/Merwu
Summary: (An old NoiCle fic that I've reworked, and I'm really happy about. It was originally written in 2014/15 but I'm bringing it back because ENGLISH TRANSLATION, BABY!)Noiz was a loner and he liked it that way. Beer and pizza, pizza and beer, Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely....right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoy! My tumblr for dmmd is doki-doki-noizu, so follow there for all that nonsense.

Intermediate German. He took it for an easy grade, since he was a native speaker anyway. Now though…Noiz seriously regretted this decision. The professor enjoyed group projects way too much and now Noiz was stuck with a project  and a partner. During the planning time they were given, the blonde boy zoned out, completely ignoring his chirpy partner (not that it mattered, the other boy never noticed anyway) and when the class ended, all he wanted to do was get the fuck out of there. Noiz rushed away, trying to dodge the other boy chasing after him “Wait!! Hey, wait up!” Realising he couldn’t  actually evade the  persistent boy, Noiz stopped in his tracks and whirled around “What do you want?” he asked rather gruffly. The other boy wasn’t offended “Let’s go to your dorm to work, okay?” Noiz rolled his eyes  yeah, fuck that…  “I don’t live on campus. What the hell’s your name anyway?” “Clear!!” Noiz scrunched up his nose “What a weird fucking name…” Clear blinked quietly “Is it? Noiz isn’t a common name either…” he muttered, seeming deep in thought for a moment. Noiz turned away and Clear spoke quickly “You can come to my dorm! Nobody wanted to stay with me…so I have lots of room!” For a moment, Noiz thought he saw a flicker of loneliness in the other boy’s eyes and felt momentarily sorry for him. But that feeling was soon replaced with annoyance “Look, I don’t have time for that right now. Can we do it a different day?”  As much as he was put off by the idea of actually working with a partner, he had too much pride to get a poor mark on this. He felt obligated to at least  try to work a little. Clear looked a little deflated but nodded “If that’s what Noiz wants…” he mumbled softly “I can start it, if you’d like?” The German boy shrugged “I don’t care, whatever.” He turned away again, ignoring Clear’s pleading eyes. What a weird kid.

 

Later that night, as he sat around in his apartment, lazily drinking a beer and toying with a laptop he’d been meaning to fix, he sighed. He was  bored . Living off the generous allowance his parents sent him (mostly to keep him as far away as possible) meant he hadn’t had to work since he ditched (was sent away from) his home in  Frankfurt. Since then, he’d been living in North America, here and there at expensive boarding schools and was currently attending a university in Toronto. He thought about going out and frowned. Noiz didn’t really feel like getting into a drunken brawl again tonight. He was out of weed too. Scowling at an empty pizza box, he heaved another loud sigh. He really,  really  didn’t want to admit that he felt like trying to find Clear. He would rather die than slink back pitifully into that weird kid’s dorm. Besides, he didn’t even know where Clear lived. There were a lot of dorms, surely. He didn’t want to ask anyone for help, either. Cursing his shitty situation and lack of illegal substances, he pulled up his working computer  and ordered a pizza. He’d just spend the night eating greasy pizza and watching Netflix. And he  wasn’t lonely.  Pizza and beer, beer and pizza, just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely…

And so, life went on. Noiz only had German twice a week and before he knew it, it was the weekend. The weekend meant drinking until he wasn’t sure he could stand and potentially hooking up with some guy or girl that only wanted him for his money and didn’t care about the stray pizza boxes and takeout containers that littered his apartment ... This weekend brought him a lot of vodka, and a boy named Aoba. Noiz wasn’t really sure what he had wanted at 1 in the morning, until the night brought him a blue haired kid, grinding up against him like it was his last night on earth. He was sure Aoba didn’t know what he wanted either, moaning some other man’s name while he rode Noiz. It was fine though. Nobody wanted Noiz for Noiz, but it hardly mattered. It was good sex anyway and the blond was  drunk enough that nothing fazed him. They both got off and that was good enough for him. They drank and fucked for a couple hours and eventually passed out. Typically, he preferred nameless fucks, but the thoughtful  Aoba had left his name, number and stupid ass smiley face on the fridge in the morning before he left. That pissed Noiz off even more, so he indulged in his newly replenished weed supply and a ridiculous amount of alcohol on his own. It felt nice to be so hazy, so numb. At least when he was wasted and high 

 

he had an excuse for feeling numb. When he was wasted and high, he could admit that he was lonely and wouldn’t remember to beat himself up for it the next morning. “I’m so fucked…” he spoke to the dark room. “That fucking Clear…he’s fucked too I bet. Fuck…” He thought about Aoba and frowned. Earlier, he had texted the blue haired kid and got a “If you ever talk to my boyfriend again, I’ll kick your fucking ass” in response. So that was a dead end. Slurring, he again spoke to the empty apartment “He was just...a good fuck. Not that I couldn’t kick…ass…Aoba has a nice ass…what a fucking slut…” he snickered and shoved a mouthful of cheesy pasta into his mouth. “Everywhere is a dead end” he mused out loud and drank some more. He ended up passing out rather than consciously deciding to go to bed. This was starting to happen far too often.

Mondays were shitty days to begin with, but they were even shittier when he was hungover and late. He made it to his biochemistry lecture half an hour late, with red rimmed eyes and bedhead. No one sat by him, and he honestly didn’t blame them. He hadn’t showered in three days and he smelled like weed and stale beer. Noiz’s life was a mess and he knew it, but he couldn’t be bothered to fix it. He didn’t need anyone (probably) and nobody needed him ( definitely) and that suited him just fine. At least he was currently passing this class. He slept for most of the lecture, ignoring the disgusted looks of some girls around him and his teacher’s pissed off glare. Being a certified genius had its perks though, and his professor  didn’t keep him after class. Distantly, he thought of the strange boy from Intermediate German. Then, he thoroughly berated himself for it. He and Clear lived in entirely different worlds from each other. Different solar systems. Different universes. Entirely separate realities that didn’t intersect at all.  What’s that called again…? Parallel? Yeah, that’s it. Parallel universes.  He thought of the discouraged look in those strangely coloured eyes and shook his head. Clear was fucking weird anyway, they didn’t need to talk. He decided to get a coffee, sighing loudly and garnering some looks from passing students.

The café on campus was pretty cheap and the coffee they had was borderline gross, but it was Noiz’s go to place for hangovers.  The coffee was just hot enough and bitter enough that it helped him get over his headaches and nausea. It was pretty routine, he usually stopped by on Mondays, sometimes other days in the week. He got his coffee, they knew his order; Plain black, extra hot. He never suspected a deviation from the usual. So when he strolled up to the counter and heard a cheerful “It’s Noiz!!!” he regretted every single decision that had brought him to this point. “…Clear…” he muttered, trying to arrange his expression to be somewhat bearable, if not faintly friendly. “I work here now!” he exclaimed happily and Noiz wanted to punch him in that stupidly cheerful face. “I can see that” he hissed, removing the somewhat-bearable-if-not-faintly-friendly look from his face. “Black coffee, extra hot.” He muttered and felt his patience reaching its final level when Clear stared back at him.  “What the fuck are you staring at?” He growled, leaning closer like he wanted to fight. Not that he would usually fight some weirdo like Clear, but he was in a scrappy mood all of a sudden and wouldn’t mind throwing a few punches. “Does Noiz not like sweet things?” he asked, unflinchingly and Noiz wanted to scream.  I just want my goddamn coffee, you stupid fuck! “Just get me my coffee, for Christ’s sake.  Sie verdammt dumm ficken …” he muttered and Clear fixed him with a disapproving look. “That’s not very nice ...” he mumbled to himself but set about making the coffee anyway. He had that shitty kicked puppy look in his eyes again and Noiz felt slightly bad. Clear  was in Intermediate German with him, but he hadn’t realised  Clear knew insults like that too. Maybe he was a native too? Come to think of it, he couldn’t really place where the boy was from. Canada was hard, everyone was from somewhere different here and Clear’s strange coloured eyes and hair didn’t help at all. “Here’s your drink…” Clear pushed the steaming cup towards him, looking at his feet with those pitiful eyes, “Uh…thanks.” His coffee cost about three dollars, but he passed Clear a fifty dollar bill anyway. “Just…uh keep the change.” He grabbed his coffee and turned around abruptly. Clear leaned over the counter and tapped his shoulder. “Do you…want to work on the project later? I finish work soon…”  he asked in a quiet voice. Noiz frowned and gave in. Without turning around, he 

 

could already picture Clear’s sad little face. “Uh…yeah. Text me when you’re done, I’ll give you my number-“ Clear interrupted him quickly, sounding mildly panicked “I don’t have a cellphone!” This caused Noiz to whirl around with a disbelieving look. “What the fuck? Who doesn’t have a phone?” He asked, more shocked than accusatory. Clear fidgeted a little, twiddling his thumbs “Well...I d-don’t because...it’s too expensive…a-and...” Noiz sighed slowly. “Alright, alright I don’t care about your sob story. What time are you done?” Clear brightened a little, despite the blonde’s cold tone. “Eleven thirty!”

“Fine…I’ll see you then.”


	2. Chapter 2

Noiz spent the next hour or so, wandering around and sipping his coffee, trying to pretend he wasn’t sticking close to the café for any particular reason. Not that he really wanted to do this anyway, but he felt like he owed Clear one after making him use that pathetic expression. When eleven-thirty finally rolled around, Clear ran out of the shop with a giant grin plastered on his face. “Noiz!” he called, running over, looking like an overexcited child. “Are you ready to go?” He shrugged a bit noncommittally “Yeah sure. But let’s go to my place, because it’s a hell of a lot bigger.” He wasn’t sure what pushed him to say that. Originally, they were going to go to Clear’s dorm but for some reason or another, Noiz had blurted that out. He pondered that while they made the short walk back to his place. Clear was chattering on about his day and Noiz also wondered how he could be so comfortable and informal with somebody that he had just met. Clear had such a different personality than his own. The white haired boy had been so open right off the bat that it was a little alarming and more than a little annoying. Noiz glanced at him and stayed quiet. Clear didn’t seem to be aware of the fact that Noiz was in his own little world of thought and it would be endearing, if Noiz thought about things like that. Instead, he sighed loud enough to get the other boy’s attention and  Clear glanced over “We’re here…” Noiz muttered, heading to a fancy-looking elevator.  Clear was suddenly enthralled “Wow! Noiz lives in a place like this..? So shiny….” The blonde man prayed that Clear didn’t think he lived in the elevator. He wasn’t entirely convinced his project partner was sane though, so he stayed quiet and watched the other man with a dubious expression. 

 

When the got to his penthouse, Noiz suddenly felt a stab of embarrassment. Of course, he didn’t let it show, but  Clear’s surprised stare was enough to set him on edge a little. He knew most people he’d fucked mainly wanted him for his money. Hell, most people he  knew just wanted to associate with him, simply because of his parents’ wealth. But  Clear was different. They had been pushed together for school and all of a sudden, Noiz wished they hadn’t gone to his apartment. It was selfish, but Clear was mostly nice to him (even though Clear was nice to just about anyone) just for the sake of being nice. If he twisted it a little, he could almost imagine that Clear actually liked him as a person. He didn’t want that to change now. Scowling at his own insecurity, he kicked a pizza box out of his way. “It’s messy…” Clear noted, glancing around the main room and Noiz turned to scowl at him. “Could it be…this is Noiz’s bachelor pad? I’ve read before that single men keep messy apartments because they don’t have someone to clean with them!” The scowl melted from his face, and Noiz almost wanted to laugh. “You’re so fucking weird…” He mused out loud and shoved some more trash away to create a clear( ish ) working space for them. Clear whined a little at the perceived insult, but moved away from the entrance to sit on the couch.  “Let’s get to work then, yeah?” Noiz mumbled and  Clear responded with something about how Noiz should stop mumbling, because it was a bad habit, and other things Noiz clearly didn’t give a fuck about. When they finally got to working, Noiz was surprised to find that Clear was extremely easy to work with. Preferably, he would’ve been able to work on his own, but working with Clear wasn’t all bad. His level of German nearly matched Noiz’s and that only brought more questions, but it was helpful to have a knowledgeable partner in this. He bit his tongue on all the questions he had about Clear, in any case. He wouldn’t want asking questions to lead into a conversation that looped back to him and his own past, so he shut up about unnecessary things and kept focused on their work.

 

A while later, his own stomach betrayed him by gurgling loudly and causing  Clear to chuckle a little “Are you hungry?” he asked and Noiz shrugged “Guess so. Want me to order something?” Clear shook his head, suddenly jumping up “No, I’m good at cooking, I can cook for us!” That left Noiz a little dumbfounded. “Um…I don’t really have many ingredients… ” He said, watching Clear with a level gaze. 

 

“That’s okay, I’m sure I can find something!” And before Noiz could protest anymore, he was rummaging around in the kitchen, looking for something to make. The German man glanced at their half-finished work with a sigh. Maybe Clear needed a break or something? They had been at it for about three hours now and while it hardly bothered Noiz, he guessed it was because German was his first language anyway and it felt a little nice to slip back into it. Next thing he knew, Clear was humming a peaceful tune and a very appetizing smell was wafting from whatever he was making. Noiz briefly thought about offering to help, but he was shit at cooking anyway, and far too lazy. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes and headed to the veranda instead. Noiz lit up and took a slow drag, watching the city lights in front of him. It was getting darker earlier now and that was a sure sign of the impending winter. Not that he minded anyway, winter was his favourite season. Something about the cold numbness of the world around him. He could fully identify with something like that. Flicking some ash away, he chuckled at his own depressing thoughts. He should’ve majored in English and become a poet. He let himself relax again and his mind drifted back to Clear. What an interesting person. They’d known each other for roughly three days and Noiz felt like he already knew the man quite well. That may have been because of Clear’s tendency to mindlessly chatter, but Noiz was starting to find that he didn’t mind it that much. He had strange tendencies and a shockingly pretty face for a boy. Noiz blinked and ground out his cigarette, frowning at the unsolicited thought. He wasn’t a stranger to thinking boys were pretty, but he had no real intention of shacking up with Clear. It would be awkward, seeing each other after hooking up. Noiz tried to avoid things like that at all costs. Thankfully, the boy he was thinking about popped his head out at him “Dinner is ready!” he announced happily and frowned seeing the cigarette butts lying around. “Smoking is very bad for your health, you know. Tobacco kills around 37,000 Canadians a year…” Noiz smirked a little at his concern “Good thing I’m German then, right?” 

He headed inside and was shocked at what he saw. Clear kept spouting statistics in the background, but Noiz was transfixed on the delicious looking meal in front of him. It seemed very simple, but Noiz hadn’t had much to work with in the first place. There was soup, bread (which Noiz was sure he hadn’t had before) as well as grilled fish and vegetables (which Noiz _knew_ he didn’t have before). “How…?” Clear stopped his mini anti-smoking lesson and brightened up. “Ah, yes! I went out while you were outside to get ingredients! I hope you don’t mind… that I made fish…do you like fish Noiz? I like to eat fish but I also like looking at fish, they can be very beautiful! I especially love jellyfish, even they aren’t really fish-“Noiz cut him off before he could go on another rant “Uh, no it’s fine…looks good...” He shook his head incredulously and sat down. Upon further inspection, the soup was a creamy corn soup that really looked good. Noiz took a bite and confirmed this, eyes widening in surprise. It had been a very long time since he had eaten anything beyond pasta, pizza or the occasional order of Chinese food. It was a refreshing change, not to mention the fact that Clear obviously knew his way around a kitchen too. He ate quickly and Clear ate too, but spent most of his time eagerly watching Noiz’s reactions. “Is it good, do you like it?” he asked periodically and Noiz nodded and once mumbled “Delicious…” though he wasn’t sure if Clear had heard him. Clear seemed extremely pleased and Noiz fixed a sharp gaze onto the other man. He wasn’t often curious about people, especially people he was only with for working purposes. But Clear…he was different somehow. Noiz nearly puked when he realised how cheesy and romantic that sounded and glared at his empty plate. Clear finished too and stood up to grab the dirty dishes. “I’ll do these, okay?” he said sweetly and Noiz shook his head “Nah it’s fine…we should keep working anyway, I can finish them after…” Clear fixed him with a disapproving look, both of them knowing that the cleaning would never get done if Clear didn’t do it now. “Alright…I can do it after we work some more! At least let me put away the leftovers, alright Noiz?” Noiz rolled his eyes and bit back a small smirk “Whatever gets you off, I guess.” He sighed and stretched a little as Clear put away the food. Then he realised something. Clear had bought this with his own money, and he had said before that he was too poor to even afford a cellphone. It only felt right that Noiz paid him back; he had more money to waste than he knew of things  

 

to waste it on. They started talking at the same time “Hey, I’ll pay-“

“Who’s  Ao -“

They both fell silent and Noiz tensed a little. He didn’t normally have people around, so he’d (purposely) forgotten to throw Aoba’s little note out.  He had been thinking about Aoba more often than not lately and that still stung him. He didn’t care that he’d help some guy cheat on his partner or anything, but he was still bothered by the way Aoba had acted. He’d broken the rules and left an impression on Noiz. It affected him so much that he even tried to make contact with the blue-haired boy, only to be sent angrily away. That bothered him and pissed him off. He also didn’t want to admit that he had maybe thought he wouldn’t have to be so isolated if he and Aoba got together to hook up semi-regularly. Forgetting what he was even saying to  Clear in the first place, Noiz motioned for him to continue. Clear frowned a bit and slowly continued, speaking quietly like he knew he was treading on thin ice. “Who’s…Aoba? A friend of yours?” He held up the paper that had Aoba’s little message ‘ had a great time last night, Aoba’ and a phone number.  And that shitty smiley face… Noiz thought to himself silently. Clear immediately began to fill the silence, insecure from Noiz’s lack of reaction “T-this fell to the floor when I opened the refrigerator…a-and… I was wondering if you might want me to throw it out for you…or if I should keep it on here..? I-I’m sorry…?” It was obvious that Clear had become uncomfortable and really didn’t even know what he was apologising for. Still, Noiz kept silent, thinking about how he should respond. He wanted to dodge as many questions as possible and every possible route he could think of brought too many invasive scenarios for his liking. 

“I knew someone called Aoba too!” 

Clear blurted, looking mildly desperate. Noiz frowned and decided he wanted to know more about this “Yeah? What was he like?”  A total slut? Because if this is the same Aoba… Clear took a deep breath and continued on, seeming to need courage for this “He…he’s not like any other person. We went to the same high school…Aoba’s smile could light up the entire world-“Clear covered his mouth in an instant, embarrassed that he had let something like that out. Noiz became slightly suspicious “What did he look like?” he prodded, watching Clear’s face redden ever so slightly. “W-well…he does have a strange style….blue hair…Aoba has a pet dog named Ren!” he added as if to distract from the original question. Meanwhile, Noiz tried to pretend there was more than one blue-haired boy named Aoba in Toronto.  “What was Aoba to you?” he asked bluntly, seeing no reason to beat around the bush. They had to have been talking about the same person, and if he could pepper Clear with personal questions, it might keep the other man from asking about his connection to that asshole (quite literally, if he thought about it like that). Clear seemed overly uncomfortable but answered anyway. “He was…Aoba and I…w-we….” He took a quiet breath again, staring at his socks and shifting around nervously. “We dated in high school…a-and well…of course we- “ he seemed to realise Noiz didn’t need to know about those details  and frowned “Well…Aoba left me for… I haven’t heard from Aoba since graduation…since  he ...” Clear bit his lip with a watery expression “Since he broke up with me and left me waiting for him alone on graduation night.” 

That was particularly harsh, considering how much of a sensitive kid Clear seemed to be. The white haired man sniffled and wiped his eyes with his sweater sleeve. Noiz felt a pang of…something. He thought it was anger, but it may have been jealousy. Clear got to know Aoba. Then he felt disgusted with himself. Aoba was nothing to him anyway and if Noiz was any good, he would be feeling sympathy for the sniffling Clear right now. And yet…

“Aoba and I fucked,” he said, coldly. “We met the other night in a club.” He shrugged at the hardwood floor. “Were you lonely?” a small voice asked and Noiz felt like his heart had stopped beating. How would he…know?He grimaced “Lonely? It was just a one night stand, I don’t fucking care about things like that.  

 

He’s still dating some other guy, whatever the fuck his name is anyway.” He glanced at Clear and was annoyed by the empathetic expression he saw there. All he wanted now, was to be alone and to get high so he could forget. To lick his wounds on his own, in the darkness of this shitty, isolated apartment. He didn’t want sympathy or concern. He didn’t want someone who would try to tell him they knew how he felt. Clear stayed put, watching Noiz with those oddly coloured eyes. Noiz couldn’t even say what colour they were, exactly, he just knew that they were fucking weird. Different. Like everything else about Clear. “Fuck it, just throw it out, I don’t fucking care anymore.” He felt unable to move, unable to look away. Somehow, Clear’s watery eyes made him feel more vulnerable than he had ever felt in his entire life, and they had just met. It wasn’t fair and it certainly wasn’t pleasant.

The white haired boy looked almost longingly at the little scrap of paper in his hands, but turned to toss it out in the overflowing trash bin anyway. “I’m sorry…” he mumbled again, not making eye contact. The air between them was different now; tense and yet electric at the same time. They were entirely different from each other, but somehow they shared the same hurt. Noiz tore his eyes away from the sad looking boy in his apartment. He wasn’t usually this open, and why would he even give a damn about Clear’s connection to Aoba anyway?  It stung in a way he couldn’t quite understand and he angrily flicked a crumb onto the floor. He didn’t even know how to respond to  Clear’s mumbled apologies. Noiz had never been in a situation like this and looking at Clear made his heart rise to his throat. It was uncomfortable. “Maybe…let’s just call it quits for tonight. We’re almost finished with that stupid project anyway…” The other boy looked tense and forlorn, like he seemed to think it was his fault the night took a turn for the worse. “I-I’m sorry for…this….” He didn’t seem to have a term for it either. “I’ll go right away.”

_ Stay. Stay, don’t make me do this alone. _

Noiz wanted to scream, but nodded. It was better to keep this stranger at a distance anyway. He had made a promise to live his life on his own, and he wasn’t about to break it now. Every part of him ached with wanting to keep  Clear here, but he just silently watched as the white haired boy gathered his things. It seemed like Clear was working hard to keep his tears at bay. It was something awful to look at, but Noiz tried to keep himself detached and looked away sullenly. It wasn’t even like they had had a falling-out, either. Both of them had become so suddenly wrapped up in bitter memories and old wounds (in Noiz’s case, fresh memories and fresher wounds) that it was hard to focus on anything else. Clear looked so damn pathetic that Noiz just wanted to hold him, but that wasn’t who he was, and it  would never be. He wanted to be a good person \- a good friend even- but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.  He wondered if Clear considered him a friend. Probably. Clear was like that.

He internally laughed at himself. It had barely been three days and here he was, thinking about Clear like they knew each other. Like they were more than unlucky strangers. “I’ll…leave now, alright Noiz?” The way Clear used his name…it was different than any time before. Sadder, more seriously. It hurt. Noiz couldn’t find words and his mouth felt dry so he just nodded and watched as  Clear slipped his shoes on and wrapped a scarf around his neck. He left shortly and Noiz realised how empty this godforsaken place was.

Distantly it started to rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter 2! I was too sick to upload last night, so I'll be uploading Chapter 3 right after this!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little smut in this so yay

Later that night, once he was properly inebriated, Noiz thought about the night. Aoba was really an asshole, no matter how cute he was, and Clear was just…. cute . He drank a bit more and gave a world-weary sigh. In times like these ,  he could just blame it on  the fact that he was drunk out of his mind and high as fuck too. And he wasn’t really that bad, but he didn’t mind lying to himself a little bit. He really wanted to kick Aoba’s ass now too. Clear was the gentlest person Noiz had ever met. The kind that would feel upset for killing a spider, let alone hurting another person’s feelings. Either Aoba was an unforgivable asshole, or he just didn’t see that in Clear. Noiz was willing to bet it was the former though, since Clear was an open book and Aoba was apparently known for slutting around whether he was in a relationship or not. A loud crack of thunder sounded and Noiz wondered if Clear was afraid of storms. Clear seemed to be the type to be afraid of the loud noise. He hoped the other boy had made it home safely.

Two joints, eight cigarettes and a four-pack later, Noiz was more muddled than he had been in a while. He couldn’t think in a straight line and all he could think of was Clear, Clear  Clear . The storm had ended some time ago, but Noiz couldn’t be sure what time it was. If he trusted his own vison, it was roughly three hundred thirty-three o’clock in the morning. Thankfully, he didn’t trust his vision and sighed heavily. He thought of Clear’s crying face and let the image settle in his mind. It wasn’t fair…how could someone be attractive even when they were upset? Thanks to his pale complexion, whenever Noiz cried, his face got all red and splotchy and he was a sniffling mess, covered in snot and tears. He figured that’s how most people cried anyway. But Clear…he seemed composed even with tears pooling in his eyes.  Noiz’s mind jumped track again and he remembered Clear had said he and Aoba had been together.  _ “ We dated in high school…a-and well…of course we -“  _ They had had sex, hadn’t they?  His mind was a bit blurred, but he could at least decipher that much. He knew what Aoba looked like when he…but what did Clear look like? Noiz came up with an image of Clear orgasming in his mind. With what little he had to go on,  it was a very poorly constructed picture, but it was still appealing all the same. 

The German boy let out a drunken snicker and thought on it some more. He wondered how Clear would sound moaning beneath him. Suddenly, he felt heat curl in his stomach and  let out a shuddering gasp as he  realized he had caused himself a bit of a problem.  I don’t… like him like that though… he frowned but shrugged, slipping a hand under his jeans anyway. It had been a while since he had gotten himself off anyway. Normally he would just go to a club or text someone for a booty call. Now…well, he was far too wasted to even use a phone or his feet and the only person he could make himself want was Clear.  Clear beneath him, Clear on him, C lear touching him, touching Clear, Clear,  Clear, Clear .  Noiz let out a shaky moan as he touched himself, matted blonde hair sticking to his face with sweat.  He pumped his cock , making lewd noises as he went.  _ I should’ve got him to stay tonight… _ For a brief moment, he imagined himself being fucked by Clear “Shit..” he hissed, squeezing his eyes shut and let ting his mouth fall open as he came.  His face was splotchy red and his lips were fuller than usual from biting them. “Shit…” Noiz muttered again, opening his eyes a sliver. He dragged his hand along his jeans, wiping the cum off unceremoniously.  He considered getting up, but groaned and closed his eyes again. “I can’t stand anyway…”

The next day, Noiz awoke to his alarm, which had been blaring for probably an hour or two. He had missed his first class and didn’t have another one until two and his back hurt from sleeping on the couch . It was eleven now, so he had time to shower, at least. Noiz frowned, looking at the stain on his halfway off jeans. He’d have to clean them sometime, but for now, it wasn’t worth it.  He kicked his pants all the way off, heading to the shower. He set the temperature to the highest heat and groaned while the room steamed up. He needed a coffee, and bad. Noiz stepped into the shower, hardly  flinching at the scalding temperature. Things like that had never really bothered him. While he was washing up, he thought about how awkward it was going to be to see Clear again. They had class together today and he had no assurance that he wouldn’t start thinking about last night again. Whether he thought about the rocky place they’d left on, or how he jacked off to the thought of fucking his only actual friend, it wasn’t going to be great. Friend . That was really something else. Yesterday he had thought of the kid as some annoying weirdo and now they were friends. And Noiz only wanted more, too.  _ I’m such a selfish prick… _ He rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and kicked at the bottle on the shower floor. Noiz couldn’t do anything but let Clear leave when he needed comfort and here he was, thinking about hooking up with the fragile kid. _Selfish._ Still, he dried off and splashed a dab of cologne on before getting dressed, probably smelling better than he had for a week and a half. Lost in thought, he forgot his trademark hat on the way out the door. 

 

On his way to get his coffee, Noiz noticed a few more people looking at him than usual. They had a reason, he supposed. He did look a great deal more presentable than usual, but his ears were fucking cold. Mid-November meant it wasn’t exactly warm weather every day and today it was a bit chillier than previous days. He huffed, watching his breath vapour up and disappear and walked into the coffee shop. Thankfully, he didn’t see Clear working there and ordered his coffee with a scowl. Just because he looked half decent didn’t mean people could openly gawk at him. Noiz knew he was attractive, but it wasn’t something he thought about often. People would normally try to talk to him for money rather than his looks. Looking pretty just helped him get laid more often than not. He was sure he could come up with what people thought of him ‘Attractive and rich, but cold as ice…what a shame’ he was sure someone out there thought that it was romantic, but he could care less. Noiz wasn’t interested in something like romance.  Unless it was Clear a quiet part of his mind whispered. He chose to ignore it, scowling even more as he walked back into the cold air beyond the café. 

Keeping up this strange, put-togetherness that he’d been displaying all day, Noiz decided to head to Intermediate German early. He wasn’t surprised to see Clear already sitting there and went over with a tentatively friendly expression “Hey. ” Clear glanced up at him, though there wasn’t really far to look. Noiz  was surprised to notice that Clear was in fact, a couple inches taller than he was.  Clear’s confused face quickly melted into a smile and left Noiz a little dumbfounded. “Noiz! You’re early! Did you come to sit with me?” Noiz nodded quietly and sat down beside the other boy. He set his coffee down and frowned a little bit. He expected Clear to be mad, or upset with him, at least. But there seemed to be no hard feelings whatsoever. While it was true that Clear had no idea about his illicit nighttime activities, he had expected him to be a bit less understanding about the fact that Noiz hadn’t even tried to comfort him. Fortunately, Clear was his usual chatty self, seeming carefree as can be as he talked to Noiz. The blonde let out a quiet sigh and tried to hide his smile. He really couldn’t deny that he was relieved. “Hey Clear…” he started, looking at his friend (and he was allowed to say that now, he was sure.) “Let’s go to the mall after this, yeah?” Clear looked a little taken off guard, but quickly agreed. It was going to be fun.

 

The class dragged by, seeming to go slower just to spite Noiz. He was a little excited because he had a plan for the rest of the day and probably night. One that didn’t necessarily involve drinking or drugs or sex. After the lesson ended, he stood up with a jolt, surprising Clear a little. “Are we in a hurry?” he asked innocently and Noiz mumbled some answer that was neither a yes nor a no and waited  impatiently.  When they walked outside again, the blonde shivered. He had forgotten how cold it was outside and the fact that he didn’t have his hat on him. He ran a hand through his hair with a sour expression and sighed. “We’ll take my car, alright?” he told Clear and the white haired boy nodded. Noiz had walked to class, but the building was still only a ten minute walk from his apartment building, so he figured he would just have to tough it out until they got to the car park. He glanced at his friend, who seemed a little troubled by something but shrugged it off. Clear was the type to say something if he was really worried. Probably. When they were about halfway home, he suddenly felt something warm around his neck. Instinctively, he pulled away but when he saw that it was Clear, gently wrapping his scarf around his neck he stood still in shock. “Clear…what are you doing?” Clear blinked innocently “You seemed like maybe you were cold, so I wanted you to be warm.” Noiz watched him with wide eyes, still not quite sure what to say. After a pause, he managed “Well now won’t you be cold?” Clear frowned like he hadn’t thought of that and shrugged “I should be fine! I have a warm jacket and you don’t…” he motioned to Noiz’s thin long sleeved t-shirt. The blonde frowned, realizing he had been beat and kept the scarf on, keeping quiet. It did help a little bit, but he tried not to nuzzle hi s face into it too much. Later  he would say it had been the cold, but he blushed a bit when he realized it smelt like Clear.

 

They got to the vehicle soon enough and Noiz passed the scarf over with a bit of a huff “I didn’t really need this, you know.” He muttered as he turned the key in the ignition. Clear for once, didn’t respond, but sat there with a knowing smile. “Now…” Noiz glanced at Clear “Which mall do you wanna go to?” There were a few in the area, some farther than others. Personally, he wanted to get as far away from home as possible for a while, but he thought it might be polite to ask Clear. As much as he tried to distance himself from his upbringing, old habits really did die hard. Clear seemed to be thinking hard about it “Well…I’m not really sure…I don’t go to the mall often…” Noiz instantly got defensive “Neither do I! I was just asking, whatever…” In the end, they decided to go to a centre about 20 minutes away, which Noiz was thankful for. He had a feeling Clear would’ve agreed to anything he suggested, which made him feel a little warm inside for some reason. Ignoring the feeling, he found them a parking spot while Clear hummed to whatever pop song was on the radio.  Cute…

Noiz had a one track mind at the best of times, so there was no way Clear was distracting him from his original goal. While he was somewhat eager to spend time with Clear off campus and away from home, he had a goal. Grabbing Clear’s arm, he made his way to the nearest cellphone kiosk. “Do you need a new phone?” Clear asked curiously and Noiz rolled his eyes “No, dumbass, I’m buying you a phone.” Clear looked a little bewildered “I-I can’t let you do that! I can’t pay you back, Noiz…” Noiz stopped in his tracks and fixed the taller boy with an intimidating glare “I said  I’m buying it. That means you don’t have to pay me back.”

Still, Clear shook his head frantically “No, no…I can’t pay for the bill-“

“Then I will.” 

“But you can’t-“

“I have more money than I know what to do with. And you made us dinner.”

“Well that’s because we were both hungry!”

  
“You bought it with your own money…”

“It was for me too!”

They continued like this for a while, getting nervous looks from the two young employees until finally Noiz just told Clear to consider it an early Christmas present and to shut up. Clear still looked flustered but he went quiet, watching Noiz take care of things for him. He ended up getting a pastel yellow case to go with it that Noiz had picked. It suspiciously matched the colour of Clear’s scarf but neither of them said a word about it.  Noiz handed the phone to Clear who still looked worried. “Clear, if you don’t stop it with that stupid ass look, I’m going to punch you in the damn face.” He huffed, glaring up at Clear. When Clear looked back down to the phone quietly, he softened a little. “Wait, you know how to use it, right? I mean, not like you really have any contacts but…” Clear looked mildly embarrassed and shook his head. “I’ve never had my own phone before…” Noiz’s eyes widened for half a second and then he went back to his usual bored expression. “It’s the same as mine, so I’ll show you later.” Clear’s disposition brightened up instantly “Thank you!! Noiz is too nice…” he added with a tiny giggle. Noiz looked indignant and shrugged. “C’mon, they have a good pet store here…” 

 

They ended up spending an hour in the pet store, staring at bunnies and all the other animals (mostly bunnies, since Noiz thought they were cute but refused to say a word about it when Clear asked him what he thought.) They got some fast food at the mall’s food court and decided to go home after they finished. Noiz had put his contact information into Clear’s phone and the other boy insisted they take a picture together. So there was a picture of a disgruntled Noiz and a beaming Clear as the contact photo. Clear kept thanking him and Noiz kept rolling his eyes. As they were driving, Noiz noticed a chain coffee shop (unlike the one on campus they actually had good drinks there) and went through the drive thru. “Do you want anything?” he asked Clear expectantly and the boy in the passenger seat looked a little timid. “Do they have hot chocolate?” he asked quietly and Noiz nodded, fighting away a blush. It was just so  Clear to order hot chocolate like that and as already established, Clear was cute, so it was cute. As they pulled up to the pick-up window, Noiz shook his head in amazement. Since when did he spend all of his time calling things cute? He passed Clear his hot chocolate and took a sip of his own coffee, sighing softly. “So…do you want to come back to my place? We can finish up on that project if you want…or just hang out.” “We should really do our work…the due date is soon” Clear reminded him and Noiz shrugged. Considering their level of skill in the language, they would be finished in no time.

When they got home, Noiz cursed his sloppy ways. Evidence of last night was everywhere in his living room. Empty beer cans littered the area and at least he had managed to get the cigarette butts into the ashtray, but it was still sitting there, full. As well, he didn’t remember to put away his weed, which wouldn’t have been a big deal if it was anyone but Clear who had seen it. The white haired boy looked at him with worry-filled eyes and he had to glance away for a moment. Clear looked so…disappointed in him. He cleared his throat awkwardly “Uh…sorry…I forgot to clean up.” As if he usually kept the place tidy. Clear ignored his apology “Is this all…from last night, Noiz?” He shifted his weight around nervously and sighed. “Yeah. But it’s no big deal or anything…” Clear looked even more worried and walked up to him “It’s dangerous to drink so much alone. And besides, marijuana is illegal here.” Noiz frowned more. “It’s whatever. I’m fine now, right?” he finally met Clear’s gaze and wished he hadn’t. “Are you?” Clear asked quietly, with an expression even more solemn than last night. Noiz felt the guilt coil tightly in his stomach and he was frozen, looking into Clear’s eyes. “I-I…yeah I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” It sounded weak, even to him, but it would have to do. Clear moved closer to him, although he seemed unsure of what he wanted to do as well. He ended up just gently patting Noiz’s shoulder. “I’ll help you clean this up, okay?” Noiz could only nod, unable to figure out what he was feeling in that moment. They cleaned and though Clear gave the little baggie a disapproving look, he said nothing more about the weed. 

When they had finished, Noiz flopped onto the couch, feeling strangely exhausted. Clear sat beside him, thinking and watching Noiz’s expression. “Are you too tired to work tonight?” he asked, seeming a little worn out too. Noiz nodded “Yeah…do you want to stay here though? I can sleep on the couch or something…” Expecting a negative, he glanced away somewhat shyly. Instead Clear seemed happy to stay “I would like to stay here!” he said, smiling like they weren’t just in a tense situation “But I would hate for Noiz to have to sleep on the couch…” the blonde didn’t know what to say to that. He wanted to just say they could sleep together- his bed was big enough- but he wasn’t sure if that was a good idea. “I don’t mind…I do it a lot anyway…I did last night…” he muttered softly. Clear looked uneasy for a moment but kept smiling. “Well…we don’t have to sleep yet, anyway, right?” It seemed as though he wasn’t going to be giving up so easily on this.

 

Noiz nodded and sipped his lukewarm coffee. It tasted pretty disgusting now but it was better than nothing. Clear smiled sweetly at him and looked like he was staring at Noiz. The blonde shifted a bit in his seat feeling a bit anxious “W-what…are you staring at?” Clear looked a little shocked, like he hadn’t thought he was staring. “Oh…I was just looking at your piercings. Did they hurt?” He reached out to touch his ear and Noiz turned a slight shade of pink. “Uh…not really…” he mumbled, tensing up a tiny bit. Gently, Clear just played with an earring, not seeming to consider personal space. “You have them here, too…” he noted, tapping at Noiz’s snakebites and the blonde became a tiny bit flustered. “Yeah, I d-do…” Clear gave him a sweet smile “You’re cute, Noiz.” Noiz gaped a little bit, not sure what to make of this situation.  He thought  Clear was cute, definitely not the other way around. He had never had anyone call him cute, even when he was a little kid, so he had no clue how to respond. “I-I….I….how….y-you can’t be serious!” he finally sputtered out and Clear gave a chuckle. “Why not?” Noiz was flushed red at this point “Boys aren’t c-cute, that’s why! And besides, what kind of boy calls other boys cute?” Clear gave him a bit of a confused look “But…aren’t you that type of boy? You and Aoba-“Noiz interrupted him, embarrassed by his slip up “D-don’t even talk about that...Jesus, Clear…” He was quite embarrassed at this point and wasn’t able to keep up with his usual icy façade. Clear had certainly caught him off guard. “Wait….open your mouth.” Clear insisted all of a sudden and Noiz was flustered enough to obey. This attraction had gotten a little out of hand. Clear’s face brightened like it was Christmas morning “Your tongue too!” Noiz was a little suspicious that Clear hadn’t noticed all of this before. Then, without warning, Clear closed the distance between them and licked Noiz’s tongue piercing. The German boy sat there, completely shocked, a tiny bit afraid and even a little turned on. “W-wha….?” Clear smiled angelically “I always wanted to know what that would taste like! It tastes like metal. Interesting…” Noiz slowly fell out of his shocked state “Clear, you’re fucking crazy, I swear to god…” Clear chuckled a little bit, as if he knew something Noiz didn’t. “What the hell…” Noiz muttered to himself, staring at his sockless feet. This was such an unreal situation. He briefly wondered if he was having some sort of weird wet dream.  He glanced back to Clear’s eager face. The strange boy didn’t seem at all fazed by his insults. “What’re you looking so eager for, idiot?” Noiz asked gruffly. Clear motioned for him to come closer, and though a petty part of him resisted, he listened and leaned nearer. Carefully, Clear placed little kisses on all of Noiz’s piercings. His eyebrow, ears, just below his lips. He was somewhat glad Clear didn’t know about his  other piercings because that would’ve just been too much. “What…are you doing?” he asked cautiously. Clear smiled sweetly at him “My mother used to say that kisses made things not hurt. And I know they don’t hurt now…but I wanted to make up for the time that they did hurt…” It was such a gentle, innocent answer that Noiz was dumbfounded again. “O-oh…” He didn’t know what to say, and he wasn’t sure he knew how to breathe. His heart had seized up into some kind of weird tightness, the beat becoming faster than usual. Clear looked at him almost coyly  “You know, there’s one more…” There were quite a few more, but Noiz couldn’t speak. Instead, he just relaxed as Clear’s soft lips pressed against his own chapped ones and his tongue urged those chapped lips apart. He closed his eyes and tried to refrain from flinching. To be treated in such a gentle way was so…new and strange.  Clear’s tongue ran slowly over his, almost tenderly circling the piercing and carefully drawing back. He held Noiz’s chin gently in his hand (he had no idea when that hand had gotten there) and smiled tenderly. “There. All better, right?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I'd love some comments or kudos too, if you like it!


	4. Chapter 4

Noiz felt like he had gone into shock. All he could do was blankly stare at Clear and gape once in a while like he was trying to say something. Clear had a smile on his face that was almost a little  too sweet. Maybe a little smug. The German boy felt his blush burning from the top of his ears to his chest and finally managed to sputter out a “Y-yeah….yup…..all good here…all good … ”which caused Clear to break into cheerful laughter, and pat Noiz on the shoulder. “Maybe it’s time for us to go to bed?” he asked, hand still resting on Noiz.

Suddenly, the blonde came to his senses.  _ What the  **fuck** was that and why did I like it so much? _ “Clear…what was that about?” Clear blinked innocently “What do you mean? I told you before-“Noiz cut him off quickly “Hell no. Nobody….n-nobody  _ does _ stuff like that…unless…” Although he was playing dumb, Clear had a knowing look in his eyes that seemed to be silently urging Noiz on. “Unless what?” 

“Unless…they…you… like me? ”

It was like pulling teeth, but they were finally getting somewhere. For Noiz, it was unfathomable that anyone could like him, let alone someone he had only properly met a week ago.  He didn’t have a high opinion of himself, and that came from what others thought of him. Most of the time, he was an asshole, rude, messy, vulgar, and altered by some sort of questionable substance. Not to mention, he wasn’t at all friendly to the people around him. He wondered what Clear saw in him and then realized Clear hadn’t said anything yet. He looked like he was deep in thought and Noiz watched his expression closely for any minute changes. All of sudden he felt vulnerable again, and he hated feeling like this. He had built up so many barriers, he wasn’t ready for any of them to fall. A fter a long pause, Clear spoke:  “Well, of course I like you!”

Noiz had to resort to grade five tactics.

“No, I mean  _ like _ like…”

His face reddened with another chagrined blush and he glanced away, beginning to get frustrated. Was Clear beating around the bush or playing with him? Or was he really just that dense?  Noiz started to worry that he was the stupid one and had completely misinterpreted Clear’s tongue in his mouth. Fear did funny things to people and he was experiencing that first hand right now. Already, he was panicking about the fact that he wasn’t sure he was ready to be in a relationship. That he didn’t even know when Clear’s birthday was. What if he had already missed it? That would be a shitty way to start things out. Clear was his first real friend and already this was going too far. Noiz’s mind whirled with possibilities and his breathing quickened unconsciously. Clear noticed and spoke in a hurry “W-wait…don’t panic Noiz! I’m sorry for confusing you! I just wanted to kiss you, because you looked soft.”

None of that made sense, and yet Noiz was instantly calmed down. Clear didn’t seem to have too many schemes up his sleeve and he was being honest. It seemed like the kid didn’t really have a filter, so of course that would translate to his actions. Noiz could empathise- he often acted before he thought too, and it wasn’t a big deal usually. Things just fell into place faster that way. He ran a hand through his hair and remembered just how tired he was. The coffee had helped slightly, but he was really ready to hit the sack. “Um…whatever, I’ll show you where everything is, alright?”

A stubborn fire light in Clear’s eyes all of a sudden and it slightly shocked Noiz. Where had that come from, and why?

“You can’t sleep all alone on a couch. It’s bad for your back!”

Oh, that. ‘Bad for your back’ seemed like a bullshit excuse, but Noiz’s natural contrariness  forced him to argue “No, it’s not. I sleep ‘all alone on a couch’ all the time. Besides, how is sleeping alone bad for my 

 

back?”

Unfortunately for him, Clear wasn’t budging on this issue. They were more similar than Noiz had previously thought. Clear seemed willing to fight on this one. Honestly, Noiz wouldn’t have been surprised if he offered himself up to sleep on the couch just so Noiz could have his bed. But then the blonde would have to admit the uncomfortable truth. He hadn’t slept there since he had sex with Aoba there. It was strange how such a small, mundane experience had impacted him so strongly but consciously or not, he hadn’t slept in his own bed for a little over a week. It wasn’t like he was sleeping on a shitty half-broken couch anyway. It was (of course) one of the best money could buy and therefore quite comfortable. At this point, Noiz didn’t know if Clear was trying to act like a good guest, if he really cared about Noiz’s back or if maybe he just wanted to sleep with Noiz. Inopportunely, the blonde boy thought of last night and the images he’d masturbated to.

“Fuck…” he groaned, unable to look at his friend now. 

Clear had been ranting this whole time about something like the poor support the squishy leather cushions provided but stopped when Noiz groaned like that. “What’s the matter, Noiz?”   
“Ah…fuck it, nothing. Fine! Fine you win, I’ll sleep in my bed. With you if that’s really what you want…”

The cheerful boy’s face lit up and he grabbed Noiz’s arm. “It’ll be alright, I promise!” Eagerly, he tore through the apartment, dragging Noiz with him, until he found the bedroom.  He flicked the light on and surveyed the room. It was dark and modern, with a huge king-sized bed taking up most of the space. It was well-kept compared to the rest of the apartment, but it was still somewhat messy and lived in. The bed hadn’t been made properly for some time and there were various items littering the be d side tables. On one side, there was an empty box of crackers, a stray sock without a match, and a couple textbooks. On the other side, there was a box of condoms and a bottle of lube as well as various other sexual items and empty bottles of alcohol. Noiz watched Clear’s face blanch with realization and then tint pink with embarrassment. He glanced at the shorter boy and slowly loosened his grip on the blonde’s arm. “You…haven’t been here since….Aoba, have you?” Noiz shrugged in response, gently freeing himself from Clear’s grasp and heading to his wardrobe. 

“You could probably borrow a pair of my pajamas if you want…I usually sleep without a shirt, but I have a couple that might fit you.” He refused to make eye contact and Clear got the hint, shutting up about Aoba and the state of the room. Quietly, he accepted a pair of pajamas from Noiz and sighed. Noiz grabbed his own sleeping pants and glanced at Clear expectantly “You can uh…just change here or whatever, not like I’m gonna look.” To make his point,  he turned around and kicked his clothes off, tossing them to some corner of the room. 

But he had lied. Oh god, how he had lied. As soon as Clear took his shirt off, Noiz made the mistake of turning and now he was caught staring. Scars and discoloured skin covered Clear’s entire right side, from his hip, str etching to just below his ear . The discoloured skin was just two shades or so darker than Clear’s natural skin colour, but it was still painfully obviously. The light pink scars covered most of his ribcage, but Clear’s right arm was mostly untouched. There were discolorations starting from just above  his elbow but there were only two small scars shining softly on his bicep. He was surprisingly toned too, and looked rather fit. The lean physique Noiz usually went for in men. It was almost hypnotising, and Noiz felt like he could stare forever, until Clear interrupted him in an uncharacteristically sullen tone “It’s ugly, I know.” 

Embarrassed at being caught, Noiz flicked his gaze to Clear’s eyes. He looked unusually upset and the blonde worried he had crossed some line. “Ugly?” he asked in a soft tone, hushed by his own amazement.

Clear nodded, self-consciously holding his left arm over his chest. He sighed uneasily and began to explain “When I was young…my parents and I got into a car wreck. They died on impact but I got trapped, still alive when the car…went up in flames. The paramedics were shocked that I wasn’t dead too, with how badly my skin was charred. I got lucky with the skin graft on my face but the rest of my body wasn’t so lucky. I mean, if you look closely enough on my face, you can tell…but no one gets that close. I’m also deaf in my right ear now, so if you stand on that side of me, it’s likely I won’t hear you.”

He looked so, so ashamed of his body, in a way Noiz couldn’t understand. Noiz had scars everywhere; the result of being a scrappy kid who got into too many fights. But it had never bothered him. He didn’t think too hard about his looks because he honestly didn’t care what others thought. He was always an outsider, never accepted the way other people were, but he figured that was just the way life was. There had to be an outside for there to be an inside, right? Without realizing how close he had gotten, Noiz instinctively held out his had to Clear. “See these two fingers? They’re bent now and they’ll never be straight again. I got into a fight when I was young and broke them, but I never told my parents because they hated how much I fought with the other children. So I kept it a secret and now they’re permanently like this.”  His tone was slightly desperate – he didn’t like to see Clear upset. Noiz glanced up quickly and noticed the other boy’s self-loathing expression was beginning to ebb away. 

“Besides, I wasn’t staring because you’re ugly, you know. You’re not.”

Clear looked extremely confused and taken aback by this. Shakily, he found his voice “How could I not be ugly? Nobody else looks like this…everyone always told me I was hideous. My grandfather…I loved him so much, he took care of me after…but he even told me to cover up. I’ve had my scarf since then…to cover up. Otherwise the other students would have teased me even more mercilessly. They already mocked me. I didn’t know how to read lips then, so I had to ask people to repeat themselves a lot. I learned sign language and I had an aide and I already looked so different with white hair and pink eyes …Children are so cruel.”

His tone had gotten choked with emotion and Noiz felt the anger swell up inside him. He bitterly remember how he had been taunted when he began school in North America. He got called a Nazi and a freak and all sorts of other things. He fought often, so it wasn’t like kids had a reason to like him anyway . But to mock someone so gentle, so kind as Clear? It was unforgivable. Noiz forced Clear to look at him  by grabbing a fistful of white hair  and whispered hotly “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve met.  I don’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone else thinks Clear, you’re gorgeous.” And he wasn’t lying. From the beginning Noiz had found Clear attractive. He had always allowed himself that, before they were friends or anything else. Caught up in the moment, he continued passionately “I want to know about every scar you have and where it came from. Fuck, I want to learn sign language just in case I have to. I…want to know everything about you, because you…” his voice cracked lightly with the intensity of his emotion but he recovered “You’re my only friend. You’re the only one that’s ever cared.” Noiz finished his little speech, feeling strangely light and heavy at the same time. Light, because he had told  the truth, and that was still so novel. Heavy, because he had told only half of the truth and he had no way of protecting himself now, if Clear were to turn this all around on him. Heavy, because he didn’t know what he wanted, and sure as hell didn’t have a plan for it. Noiz swallowed thickly and piercing green met pink.  Pink, that’s the colour… he thought absently. 

He was so wrapped up in his own mind, he hardly noticed Clear moving until there was a warm hand pressed to his cheek. Carefully, their mouths pressed together and Noiz had to admit he was a little bit afraid. Never in his life had he taken it slow with anyone. Disregarding this, Clear kissed him languidly. It was almost a thank you. He was sure he could feel exactly what Clear was feeling through this connection and he prayed he had made his feelings clear as well. Noiz let his eyes slip shut as Clear once again slipped his tongue through chapped lips. Their motions were so natural, it felt almost practiced. It certainly felt refreshing to have something so...honest. Something devoid of desperation and drunkenness. It was slow and soft, and no one else had to witness it to make it real. Noiz let out a shaky breath and Clear pulled away unhurriedly, a serene smile playing on his face. Of course, one man couldn’t change a lifetime of insecurity and hiding, but it sure as hell helped. The white haired man touched his hand to his mouth and moved it away in a curved motion and it took Noiz a minute to understand that Clear was saying something to him in a language he didn’t yet understand. He could guess the meaning though and whispered a response in a tongue they both shared “Bitte.”

At that, he broke out into soft giddy giggles. Noiz hadn’t laughed like this in such a long time…it felt nice. Every part of him felt like he was floating and warm. Clear brought him that warmth. The taller boy watched him curiously and for a minute Noiz wondered if  he  was the crazy one. “Let’s…let’s actually go to sleep, alright?” Noiz ventured, keeping an almost reverently quiet tone. He didn’t want to ruin this with a brash voice. Clear obviously felt the same way, silently pulling on the t-shirt and climbing into the luxurious bed. Noiz shut off the lights and followed suit, getting into the messy blankets. He felt the pit in his stomach resurface, weighing down his happy mood. Noiz felt his expression tighten into a frown and wished he could stop. He didn’t want Clear to think that he had caused the frown. He rolled onto his side, facing away from Clear. The blonde felt his stomach tighten at the thought of who was last in this bed. Aoba, the blue-haired boy they had both had a part in. Aoba the cheater. Aoba the boy who had broken the rules and grabbed his heart in a vice for twenty-four hours and held it t here still. No matter how calmly Clear (or anyone) could hold Noiz, in the back of his mind he would always be thinking of the stuttering, hurried fast pace Aoba brought with him. It started and stopped faster than a gunshot and yet the effect was similarly fatal. 

Noiz’s heart thumped painfully against his chest and jumped slightly when he felt warm arms snake around his torso. Clear pulled the blonde against his chest, resting his face in the soft, strawberry-tinted hair there. “You’re still sad, aren’t you?” Noiz didn’t respond and he continued “I’m sad too, of course. Things like first love don’t really go away. People like Aoba never really leave, do they?” Noiz winced slightly at that but stayed silent. “I won’t be him. I’ll stay with you for real. I’ll be a true friend, I’ll be whatever you want me to be as long as it stops your pain, Noiz.” Noiz tensed in his arms, wanting to say something – anything- but he found his mouth dry. He managed a tight “My real name in Wilhelm. But know that you know that, I’m probably going to have to kill you.” He tried to make light of it, but Clear was silent for a long time after that. Finally he whispered “You’ve never told anyone that, have you?” Noiz sounded quiet and vulnerable “No…” Clear sighed and held Noiz closer “I wish my name wasn’t so strange, but that’s it. Clear is on my birth certificate. My mother wanted to name me Nahir, which means the same thing, but my father wanted to get to the point. So, Clear.” 

This got a quiet laugh out of Noiz. “That’s fine. It suits you. Not like I would want anyone to call me by my birth name anyway. I just thought…you might like to know.” 

Clear nodded, and settled his face into Noiz’s hair again. It was shockingly soft for someone who hardly kept clean. Noiz finally allowed himself to relax in the strong arms holding him. Unlike with other men, it didn’t feel like a cage. It felt tight, but protective. Gentle, kind, all those things that Clear was. Sober, too, which suddenly felt like it meant a lot. Noiz wondered if his embrace was like Clear’s. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft humming.  It took a moment for him to realize, but it was a soft melody, like a lullaby and it was coming from Clear. There didn’t seem to be any words, but Clear could’ve been avoiding them on purpose. It didn’t matter. The soft noise was so relaxing and serene that it began to lull Noiz into a peaceful sleep. Something he hadn’t had in a little over a week. Something he hadn’t had since Aoba had crashed into his life and left just as quickly.  _But now..._

The thought was left unfinished as he drifted to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! New chapter up tomorrow :) Also I realized that some of my formatting may have been off in previous chapters because copying and pasting from my files, but it shoulf be fixed in this chapter and the following ones!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm probably gonna upload chps. 5-10 today just to keep up with everything! I've been really busy lately and i have like no energy so I'll probably upload these 5 and then maybe the next 5 in a couple days. As of now, the fic has 17 chapters in total, but i do want it to be longer. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy :)

The next morning, Noiz woke up too hot and sticky, still firmly in Clear's arms. Somehow even though Noiz's alarm was ringing, the white haired boy stayed dreaming. Noiz squirmed a little to get a better look at him, being careful to not actually wake him up just yet.

Clear's face was flushed pink with the heat and Noiz couldn't blame him. Ever since he was little, he had been the type of person to give off heat like a space heater and Clear wasn't exactly cold either. If he looked very closely, Noiz could see a few tiny scars around Clear's jawline, but they were so minuscule it hardly mattered. In his intense study of the other boy's face, he noticed that Clear had two small moles near his chin as well. His eyelashes, although very light in colour were long enough to brush against his cheek while he slept and his lips looked smooth and full. Noiz was a little surprised to realize that Clear didn't have as much of a baby face as he had previously thought, but his cheeks were still chubby enough to give him a youthful appearance.

That got him thinking. How old was Clear anyway? They were in the same class, but that didn't really mean much. Noiz was nineteen, in his second year of university, but it was plausible that Clear was further on. What was he studying anyway?

Clear woke up then with a quiet groan, and Noiz twitched his nose at the morning breath. He probably wasn't much better but he hadn't realized how close he had gotten. Clear pulled away to stretch and gave a tiny yawn before he remembered he wasn't alone. "Oh...good morning ...” He smiled, rubbing at one of his eyes. "What time is it?" Noiz shrugged a bit "Eh, does it matter?"

Clear nodded quickly "We have classes! I have to work too..." Noiz shrugged again "Just call in to work sick. And let's skip classes, it's Friday anyway. We can catch up on the work we didn't do last night." Clear looked a bit uneasy and Noiz frowned "Unless. . .you really don't want to?" Clear shook his head, looking a bit troubled again. "No, that's not it. I want to, but...I've never done anything like that before. And my pay cheque ...”

"Whatever you need done, I'll take care of it, alright? I told you I hardly need so much money anyway ...” Noiz clued in to Clear's discomfort. He must've been used to working for what he had and it must've felt strange to be accepting charity like this. If he was like most people it was uncomfortable and Clear probably felt like he had to pay Noiz back. Which he didn't. Noiz thought Clear was a worthy investment, even if it sounded strange to put it like that. He combed a hand through fluffy white hair "Stay." A bit of tension left Clear at that and he nodded "Okay, but I have to phone work and let them know" 

Noiz smiled briefly and pulled away. "Alright, I'll make some coffee." It's not that he needed it, he just like the taste. And he wasn't really sure if Clear liked coffee, but it wasn't a big deal to make something else if he didn't. Coffee was just a token breakfast drink and he wanted to keep a few things normal at least. He stood up and stretched, noting that his back really did feel better after sleeping on a proper mattress. Damn Clear for being right.

Noiz walked to the kitchen, scratching the back of his neck. As he ground the beans for coffee, he mulled over the events of last night. He hadn't meant to give such an emotional speech but it had just sort of come out. He knew Clear appreciated it at least, but he was still quite embarrassed. Clear had waltzed in and changed a lot of things in Noiz's life and he still wasn't sure if he was entirely okay with that. It felt strange to be so close to someone he hadn't had sex with. Even his one night stands never really tried to  cuddle with him. He sighed, thinking that he didn't totally mind it. It sorta felt nice to be wrapped up gently in someone's arms. If he hadn't acted so coldly in the past, he might have realized it sooner. 

Holding back a yawn, he poured the coffee. He didn't know what Clear took in his coffee (or if he even drank it) so he figured he'd just sip his and wait for him to come to the kitchen. He didn't want to 

 

interrupt Clear's work call. They had fallen into such an easy rhythm that it scared him a little. Noiz had always lived his life without really relying on anyone or caring about others. He stayed cold so people wouldn't care about him. And now he cared about Clear and he was pretty sure Clear cared about him. If he was being honest, it put him on edge.

Noiz took a large gulp of coffee and glanced up as Clear walked in. "I told them I was sick...hopefully it was convincing." He still was uncomfortable about doing this, but Noiz was glad he did. They had time to talk more. And of course, finish their project, but that was only in the very far back regions of his mind. The blonde nodded and held out a mug to Clear "I made you coffee...I didn't know what you liked in it, or even if you liked coffee but..." Clear accepted with a happy smile "Thank you! Do you have cream and sugar?" Noiz nodded "Yeah, cream is in the fridge...I think. If it's expired I'm pretty sure the milk  isn’t. And I'll find you some sugar ...” He turned away to search his cupboards and smiled to hear a carefree chuckle from behind him. They had some serious getting to know each other to do, but Noiz still felt a vague sense of nervousness about it. It wasn't in character for him to start a conversation like that, but he was damn curious. He had said that he wanted to know everything about Clear and that wasn't a lie. Even if it was cheesy. He finally found the little bowl of sugar and prayed it was still okay. He wasn't sure if sugar could even go bad, but it was possible. 

He set the bowl on the dining room table and took a seat, drinking more of his bitter coffee. Clear popped his head out of the fridge with a wry grin "Both are expired, by a lot." Noiz returned the grin "I guess I don't drink much milk ...” Clear sat down and grabbed the sugar, watching Noiz closely. The blonde yawned and drank more and scratching behind his ear. 

"So..." 

Clear glanced up from adding too much sugar to his coffee. "Yes?" Noiz blushed a little, annoyed by his willingness to listen "How old are you anyway?" A safe topic, mostly. Clear smiled "Twenty-four. Twenty-five in February." The shock must've shown on Noiz's face, so he continued "Well, I was supposed to start university when I graduated, but my grandfather passed away that year and I had to do a lot for myself. I was all alone and I had to figure things out pretty quickly, so I figured then wasn't the time for school." Noiz nodded in understanding feeling a strange sort of guilt but ignoring it. 

Clear gave him a cute little smirk "So how old are you?" Noiz shrugged mumbling "Nineteen..." He felt embarrassed about being younger than someone who usually acted like such an airhead. Clear looked like he was amused, though. "Ah, so you  are younger than me !” Noiz rolled his eyes and finished his coffee. "Let's go get breakfast after this, okay? I'll pay and stuff so don't worry." Clear just laughed at him “Are you sensitive about your age? I’m sorry, I won’t tease you.” Noiz just blushed a bit and glared “Whatever. So what are you studying anyway?” Noiz saw Clear’s eyes light up and bit back a smile. “I’m studying marine biology! It’s kind of…well my grandfather expected that I would want to do this anyway, I’ve always loved the ocean.  Right now, I’m only working towards my bachelor’s degree, but it’s always been my dream to get my PhD.” Clear let out a dreamy little sigh and sipped at his coffee, glancing out the window. Noiz felt his heart melt a little at the sight and promptly rolled his eyes. “Cool. So why are  you taking German then? I mean…you’re really good at it. I’m a native speaker, so I would know.” he finished the sentence curtly, so it didn't seem like too much of a compliment. Clear glanced back at him questioningly but didn’t pry just yet “It’s an interesting language. I took it in high school and I figured it would be helpful to have another language. But if you’re a native, shouldn’t you be in Advanced German?” Noiz shrugged. Advanced German probably would have been as easy, but he couldn’t be bothered to take it. Instead of answering, he batted back “From what I’ve seen, you should be in Advanced, too. I’m still not entirely convinced that you’re not German, you know.” 

 

Clear chuckled and finished his coffee, giving off a more relaxed air than before. Talking to Noiz had taken his mind off of their skipped classes and ditching work. For Noiz, it just felt nice to have company for once. He was usually so disconnected from the world around him, yet with Clear he didn’t feel like that. He felt…home. Noiz scrunched his nose at the sappy thought and stood, placing his mug in the sink. “So do you wanna shower before we go, or…?” He looked back to Clear , sitting quietly at the table. Personally, he wasn’t planning on doing much to clean up, especially since he wanted to just get food and come back here as soon as possible. “Actually…” Clear spoke up, moving to stand “Can we just stop at my place after? I want to change and that sort of thing. We can come back here after, or just stay at my dorm…or whatever.” He shrugged, but looked adamant on stopping by his place at least just to change. Noiz didn’t mind too much, aside from being hungry. As long as they stopped by after they ate, it wouldn’t be a big deal. “Yeah sure, I don’t really care.” 

He walked to the front door and shoved his sneakers on, while Clear chided him from the kitchen “You should wear a jacket this time, I feel like it’s going to snow today.” Noiz rolled his eyes and grabbed his hat and looked for a suitable jacket. “Why do you  _ feel _ like it’s gonna snow?” He muttered in a bratty tone. Clear smiled and put on his own jacket and scarf “I don’t know, I just feel like it.” Noiz grabbed a thick sweater “This good enough for you,  mom ?” he put it on and huffed.  Clear just pinched his cheek with a grin “As long as you’re not shivering like you were yesterday.” Noiz grunted and pulled away, rubbing his cheek grumpily and heading down. 

They got to his car and Noiz had to admit, it was pretty frosty out. If Clear was right about it snowing though, he would eat his hat (not really, but it was an amusing thought). He decided on a place without really asking Clear and started driving. Clear was uncharacteristically quiet on the ride, lost in deep thought. Noiz sort of wondered what he could be thinking about. Clear was a difficult person to read, although Noiz was never that good at reading people anyway. It was easy to guess people’s intentions when they wanted money or sex, but they were mostly transparent about that. Day-to-day things on the other hand…he never knew. He was bad with social cues, but Clear had never minded that, either. That drew him back into his own thoughts. He didn’t know what he wanted from Clear. If he was being truly honest about it, he would rather they did more than just kiss. Noiz had to admit, Clear was an attractive guy, scars and all. He wanted the other boy underneath him, fast. But the innocent aura around Clear could be a little overwhelming at times.  Noiz knew Clear was far less innocent than he acted, but he did have a natural child-like quality to him. It felt a little weird to mess with that. He let out a long sigh, earning a confused look from his passenger, but neither of them said anything. They got to the restaurant and headed inside.

It was a simple breakfast diner, not too fancy but not run down either. Cheap enough that it was enjoyably greasy for Noiz, but it wouldn’t give him food poisoning. He was pretty regular there, but he couldn’t say he really knew any of the waitresses or anything like that. It wasn’t like the movies where he could just walk in and say something like ‘my regular, please’ and everyone knew who he was and what he wanted. He preferred it this way, though. It wasn’t really his style to get to know people. With that thought lingering in his mind, he looked over to Clear. The white-haired man had asked for a table already and was waiting for someone to lead them there. Impulsively, Noiz shot out his hand and held tight to Clear’s. The other man looked genuinely surprised and turned a light shade of pink all over. It was very noticeable on his near-colourless complexion and Noiz smirked. They walked to their table and sat down. “W-what was that for?” Clear asked, obviously a bit flustered. Noiz shrugged. He really didn’t have a reason for such a thing. “I just felt like it, I guess.” He wasn’t sure what he and Clear were per se, but he was certain they weren’t just platonic friends anymore. Friends didn’t kiss friends that often. Probably. Not like Noiz had any real-life experience to back up this claim, but he had a feeling it was true. Also he didn’t hold hands with anyone, so he didn’t know what the fuck was up with that. All in all, he was more confused than he had been in a long time and for once, he wanted to figure it out instead of brushing it off. “I don’t mind, it just surprised me.” Clear reached his hand across the table to place on Noiz’s. It was warm and soft and it made Noiz a little embarrassed. “Sorry I’ve been so quiet anyway,” he chirped “I just like the way the clouds look today and it was nice to look at them quietly!” He beamed at Noiz and the blonde wasn’t sure if Clear was lying or not. Clear opened his menu and skimmed it, still holding Noiz’s hand. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and glanced at his menu too.

They ordered and ate with quiet conversation. There wasn’t much to talk about, although there was one important topic they could have breached. Noiz refused to be the one to bring it up however, and while he was aching to ease some of this confusion, his pride kept him silent. He wasn’t sure if Clear found this normal, but the white-haired man made no move to talk about it. It was frustrating, but he held on to his conviction while he ate his pancakes. After they finished and left, Noiz was sure his irritation was almost palpable. Clear looked at him worriedly “What’s wrong, Noiz? Are you still tired? Or not feeling well?” Noiz growled quietly “I’m fine, let’s just hurry up so you can change and shower or whatever.” He got in his car, shutting the door with a little too much force. He felt stupid and young and inexperienced. Not that he wasn’t all of those things, but it was still annoying to be suspended in this confused state. Clear stayed silent, meekly watching Noiz’s irritated expression. He only spoke up to give directions a few times. When they got inside the sparsely furnished, simple dorm room, Noiz couldn’t handle it anymore. He spun around and pressed Clear to the door, kissing him violently. It was more similar to the type of kisses he shared with people he brought home from clubs, but he couldn’t care at this point.  He was sure Clear could taste the desperation and confusion on his tongue when he gently pulled Noiz’s arms and mouth away. “Noiz…”

The blonde hadn’t realized he was on the verge of frustrated tears, until a gentle thumb swiped them away. “Please don’t cry…” Clear looked extremely worried. “What’s…did I upset you? I didn’t mean to, I promise.” His voice was already laced with an apology and Noiz stopped him before he could actually say sorry. “No, I’m not…I just…I’m not fucking good with things like this, okay? I…get confused a lot and I just…want you to be clear with your intentions, because I’m not gonna figure it out. I don’t want to be screwed around. Not again.” Embarrassed that he was tearing up, he wiped a sleeve across his face and bit his lip. Maybe it was too early for all these emotions? Maybe Clear just wanted someone to make out with whenever.  _ But that really doesn’t seem like him… _ He sniffled and swore again while Clear tried to formulate a response. “L-let’s sit down for a minute…” he suggested, motioning to his bed. Noiz nodded and sat, waiting for something. Clear let out a shaky sigh and placed a hand on Noiz’s tense shoulder. He was bracing himself for rejection before Clear even opened his mouth. He almost wanted to get up and bolt from this whole situation anyway. He had sworn he wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up, and  now not only had he brought it up, but he had started crying too.  He felt pathetic. “Now…what’s going on here?” Clear asked a little warily. He obviously didn’t want the blonde to start crying again, and he knew he was walking on thin ice here. “Are you confused…about me? Us? Yourself? All three?” Noiz merely nodded and Clear continued. “Um…well…what exactly are you…? I-I mean…of course I like you, that’s not it- “ Noiz moved to stand and Clear held him down with a determined look. “Wait. I haven’t even said anything yet. I like you. And I want to spend more time with you. I want to…do things with you…” he glanced away from Noiz’s watery green eyes at that, looking mildly embarrassed. “I thought that you did too? So…I’m not sure I understand.” Noiz took a calming breath “Clear, do you want...” he paused and seemed to change what he was going to say “Like do you…you want to be with me? Like a couple? Like kissing and dates and all that gay sappy shit?” Clear laughed a little at that and kissed Noiz’s forehead. “Yeah, yeah I do.” Noiz held a genuine smile for about three seconds and then sat up straighter, with a serious look on his face. “Okay, so then…like that’s a thing now? W-we…us? A couple?” Clear nodded excitedly “That’s what I want.” 

 

“So I can kiss you when I want?”

“Sure, you can.”

“Even in class?”

  
“Well I-“

“Can I grab your ass too?”

Clear blushed at that and Noiz chuckled to show he was just kidding. Even though he wasn’t, really. He was definitely going to grab Clear’s ass in class. 

Clear kissed him slowly, without tongue this time. “Are you going to start crying if I leave to shower?” He teased gently and Noiz glared.

“Shut the fuck up and go wash up you fucking loser.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut in this chapter, so you can skip it if you want, it's not super plot heavy.

After Clear excused himself to go shower, Noiz snooped around a bit. He knew it was technically wrong, but he had done so many  wrong things in his life, that it was hardly an offense. He glanced around, taking in Clear’s dorm. It was sparsely furnished, with what seemed like cheap quality things. It was pretty simple, too. There weren’t many things that showed off Clear’s personality, but he did notice that Clear had a small stuffed jellyfish and a collection of glass bottles on top of his dresser, though they weren't from alcohol. Quietly, (though he wasn’t really sure why he was being quiet) he snuck over to the dresser and opened a drawer. Noiz peeked inside to see an array of shirts, mostly grey and white, though there was one shirt that was a cute baby yellow colour. The next drawer held pants, with a couple pairs of jeans and dress pants. Again, typical stuff. The last drawer was the most interesting and Noiz smirked a little in spite of himself – underwear. Of course, it was just plain stuff, boxers and briefs, mostly white in colour but it was still adorable anyway. At least Noiz was having a good time going through it all. 

After getting bored of finding nothing incriminating or kinky, the blonde flopped onto the bed and winced at little. The mattress was cheap as well, and firmer than he had expected. While he knew he was spoiled,  Clear was also glaringly poor. He imagined that his boyfriend was used to this lifestyle though, and that it didn’t bother him. Which in turn, bothered Noiz. He wanted to take care of Clear in a strange way. It wasn’t really an emotion he had felt before. All his life, Noiz had been mostly separate from other people, without forming any sort of meaningful relationship. He wondered if this was normal. In reality, he had only known  Clear a short time and he wondered if he was getting in over his head.  Clear reciprocated the feelings though, so it couldn’t have been that bad.  _ Besides, _ he thought  _ I’ve never been one to do something halfway, have I? _ It was just like him to jump into something headfirst and hope for the best. Sighing lowly, he grabbed Clear’s phone and took a couple selfies, some featuring the jellyfish, some featuring Noiz without a shirt. It had only been a short time, and he was already restless. After that, shirtless and somewhat cold in the dingy dorm, an idea struck him.

Clear was in the shower.

Most people didn’t shower with their clothes on.

Noiz hadn’t showered today (not that he really felt like he needed to clean up. In fact, he was more interested in getting dirty at this point.)

He could  join Clear in the shower. Naked. 

A salacious grin slipped onto his features and he kicked off the rest of his clothes. Silently, he slipped into the bathroom. It was steamy, and much warmer than the rest of the cold dorm. Clear hadn’t noticed his presence yet, and was softly singing a song Noiz didn’t recognise. Being careful to be as quiet as he could be, Noiz stepped into the shower and snuck up behind Clear. He took a brief moment to appreciate Clear’s cute little ass, and then wrapped his arms around a warm, wet waist. Clear stiffened immediately, even though he knew the only person it could possibly be was Noiz. “Noiz…?” he asked softly, “What are you doing in here? W-was I taking too long?” Noiz chuckled hotly against the back of Clear’s neck “Nah, I just thought I might join you. Turn around, yeah?” 

He released Clear, who obediently turned to face the blonde. The first thing Noiz noticed was the fact that Clear was quite well-endowed. Very much so. He swallowed slightly and felt his throat tighten a little at the sight. He looked up at Clear, who looked pretty embarrassed. It made him feel a little guilty, since he knew Clear was self-conscious about the way he looked, but at the same time, he wanted what he wanted. Without saying anything he pressed close and gave Clear a kiss, forcing his tongue in and taking time to properly explore the other man’s mouth. He purposely clinked his piercing along the taller man’s teeth, enjoying the discreet clicking noise it made. Noiz moved his hand to Clear’s hips, rubbing his calloused hands against the soft skin he found there. He only removed his mouth when he felt Clear gasp into his mouth and shivered at the warm air. He looked into Clear’s eyes which were already darkened with lust. “Oh” he whispered in a husky voice, looking Noiz up and down. The blonde was embarrassed to say he already half-hard just hearing Clear’s voice like that. Not that Clear wasn’t. All of a sudden, he wanted it hard and fast and _now_. He took to Clear’s mouth more roughly this time, biting and sucking while running his hands up his lean chest. Clear gave a little growl and turned the tables on a very surprised Noiz, pressing the shorter boy against the near-freezing tiles behind them.

Noiz gave a little stuttering gasp and looked at Clear, mildly dumbfounded. “What…you…I-I…I’m supposed to-“Clear cut him off with a cocky grin “Don’t protest. Just let me have you.” Noiz managed to bite back the tiny whine that had built up at the commanding tone to  Clear’s voice. It wasn't voice he usually used, but a more mature, assertive tone. Noiz had made a rule long ago that he wasn’t going to take it up the ass for just anyone, but he also hadn’t forgotten the fact that he came when he imagined  Clear fucking  him , instead of the other way around.  That, and the white haired man didn’t seemed prepared to take no for an answer. 

While he was thinking through this all, Clear had been nibbling and kissing around Noiz’s neck. As if to punctuate the need currently pressed against Noiz’s thigh, he bit down on the part where his neck connected to his shoulder. It was harder than the blonde expected, making him gasp sharply and give a low hiss. By this point they were both fully hard and  Clear was even larger than before. He would never admit it to anyone, ever, but Noiz found it almost a little intimidating. Clear moved his head to Noiz’s chest, sucking lightly at his nipples and the blonde  had no choice but to grab fistfuls of Clear’s hair and moan. He heard Clear mumble slightly around the sensitive bud “Mm…piercings here, too?” Noiz muttered back, trying to control the shakiness in his voice “They make…y-you more…sensitive…” Clear chuckled at that, and the vibrations of his laughter were pleasant. He trailed his hand down Noiz’s stomach, sliding down the hard lines of his abs to his navel piercing “And here…” Clear tapped against the metal and Noiz could hear the smirk in his voice.  Clear glanced down and looked a tiny bit surprised “Ah, here too? Didn’t that hurt?” He gave Noiz’s cock a tug and the blonde glared at him “No, it  _ fuck _ - ing didn’t ah…shut up already.” Clear gave Noiz a too-innocent look “I haven’t even been teasing you…” he said in a sweet voice. Noiz grit his teeth and growled lowly. Clear laughed again at him and kissed him chastely. “Too eager…” he mumbled softly against Noiz’s lips. The younger man reached for Clear but was shocked again when he pulled away completely and shut the water off. 

“Okay, what the fuck.” 

Clear turned to him, suddenly serious “You didn’t think it was going to happen in here, did you?” Noiz let out a frustrated groan to show that  _ yes _ he  _ had _ thought it was going to be in here, and he was a bit miffed that it wasn’t. Clear shrugged and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist, even though he was still obviously hard. Noiz growled and got out of the shower and shamelessly walked to Clear’s bed, naked and not even trying to cover up. He laid back, an angry pout on his face “Hurry the fuck up, will you? I’m not getting any younger over here you old fuck.” Clear just laughed at his petulance and walked  over at his own pace. When he got there, he slicked Noiz’s wet hair back to give  him a soft kiss on the forehead. “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding genuinely apologetic “But I don’t just want to do it quickly. I want to  make love to you, slowly.” 

And Noiz wanted to be mad, he really did, but the way Clear said that was just so… _erotic_ he couldn’t possibly. Instead, he pulled Clear into a searing kiss and ripped the stupidly unnecessary towel off.  Finally he had a chance to play too, and stroked Clear roughly. His moans were slighter lower than he had imagined, but it was still fucking hot. Clear’s face was flushed a deep red across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. Noiz thought it was adorable. He slid forward, placing a gentle kiss on the head and fluttered his eyelashes innocently as he brought Clear into his mouth. Noiz sucked carefully making sure to take it slow like Clear wanted. He was still a tiny bit bitter about it, but hearing Clear gasp and thread his fingers through damp blonde hair made it bearable. He made sure to flick his piercing across the slit, moaning softly and making indecent slurping noises. Clear appeared to be embarrassed about this, but moaned loudly instead of saying anything. Noiz was practiced at oral sex, so he felt a little annoyed when he realized that he couldn’t shove Clear’s cock all the way down his throat. He got about three-quarters of the way before his eyes stung with tears and he gagged a little. Clear moaned so desperately at that that it almost sounded like his was crying. “Please…Noiz, I-I don’t want to c- _aah_ …y-yet…ah…let me-“ his sentence was cut off with a short whimper, and Noiz was kind enough to back off, but not without giving a little lap at the precum starting the bead at the tip.

He laid back, panting hard and glanced at his own erection. He had gotten even harder just sucking  Clear off, and it was getting annoying.  Clear caught his own breath and leaned over to his bedside table, grabbing a small bottle of lubricant and a condom. Noiz gave another impatient whine, squirming a little on the blue  bedsheets . “Clear…” he growled, glaring again at the taller man. Clear blissfully ignored him and poured some of the gel on his fingers.  Gently and lovingly, he kissed Noiz, sliding a finger in and moving it around. “It’s warm…” he mumbled, resting his face in the crook of Noiz’s neck “And so tight, too…” Noiz squirmed a bit against the finger inside him. It didn’t hurt, but it  had been a while since he had bottomed, so it wasn’t entirely pleasant. Clear sucked on his earlobe and added a second finger, making his hips twitch with need. Noiz squeezed his eyes shut and gasped as Clear stretched him out. “Feel good?” Clear whispered in a sultry voice, hot breath feeling cool against the saliva still on his ear. Noiz nodded quickly and got as close to begging as he ever would “ _ Hurry _ .” Clear hesitated slightly but nodded and rolled the condom on, slicking it up a little before pressing at Noiz’s entrance. “You ready?” he asked breathlessly and Noiz muttered “Yeah.” In response.  Clear pushed himself in slowly, being almost overcautious in his desire not to hurt his partner. And while he was pretty used to this, it  did still hurt. “Ah…fucking _Christ_ , Clear…why are you s-so fucking  huge .” He panted out, tears stinging in the corners of his green eyes. Clear looked more debauched than Noiz had ever seen, his breath coming out in short gasps and his eyes half-lidded. “Sorry. Did I hurt you?” he asked carefully. He wasn’t even fully in yet. Noiz shook his head impatiently “No, I’m fucking- _a-_ _ ahnn _ shit .” During his little rant, Clear thrust himself in fully and was positioned above Noiz with arms on either side of his head, gasping hard. “Y-you’re so… _tight_ fuck. ” Clear slipped up and swore and it made Noiz moan loudly. 

After they got used to the feeling, Clear started moving steadily, kissing Noiz passionately.  Noiz was getting near his limit, wrapping his arms around the back of Clear’s head to pull him deeper into the kiss. Soon enough it became sloppy, as they both gasped for air. Clear pulled Noiz’s tongue into his mouth and sucked on his piercing, right as he hit the spot that made his vision go white. Noiz let out a high-pitched keen “Fuck, Clear,  _ there _ fuck, fuck!” he cursed loudly, desperately and moved his hips, wanting nothing more than to feel that again. Clear focused his thrusts there, making Noiz curl his toes and gasp,  moaning nothings and half-words in a breathy tone. He managed dig his nails into Clear’s scalp and hitch his legs up around his waist to make it easier for him to hit his prostate. “F-fuck…I’m close, ah _Clear,_ I’m close, I-I’m h- aah …” Clear nodded and rasped out “Me too.” As he kept up the relentless snap of his hips. Noiz came with a whimper and Clear followed suit shortly after. 

It took a while before Noiz was able to see clearly (pun unintended), and by then, Clear had pulled out and disposed of the used condom. He was lying beside Noiz with his eyes closed, chest heaving while he caught his breath. The blonde shivered, taking in the sight of Clear in all his naked glory. He smiled lazily as the post-coital bliss washed over him and rested back into the pillow. When Clear had caught his breath he rolled over, kissing Noiz’s cheek. Noiz shot him an angry look, or at least tried to. It was difficult to be angry at anything when he felt so satisfied. Clear grinned happily and kissed his nose and his other cheek and his forehead and finally, his lips. It was a chaste, sweet kiss that hardly lasted longer than a few seconds. Then, Clear slid his hands up Noiz’s chest and he was worried for a moment that they were about to go for round two, until the white haired man started to gently massage him, pressing soft kisses onto his shoulders. It felt good to be taken care of like this, and Noiz sighed serenely.

“I really like you…” Clear said with a smile, giving Noiz another sweet kiss. Noiz nodded in agreement “Yeah, I am pretty cool.” Clear laughed and pinched his cheek. “Don’t be sarcastic, I’m serious, you know.” Noiz smiled a rare genuine smile, staring up at Clear lovingly. He looked absolutely stunning. His face was still pink from exertion and his fluffy hair had dried oddly, sticking up in weird places. He was smiling, and looked so peaceful. None of his usual nervousness or self-consciousness. Just happiness. Noiz affectionately ran his hand down the length of Clear’s arm. “I really like you too.” The wording was important. He was scared to say love just yet, but it looked like Clear was too. And  Noiz couldn’t blame him. Every person he'd fucked had only been in his life for a night and he was more hesitant than he really had a right to be; he couldn’t imagine what it would have been like to be in a long term relationship with someone and have them actually hurt him. 

Impulsively, he pulled Clear against his chest. “Let’s take a nap, alright?” Clear nodded, soft hair tickling a little bit as he did. “Okay. Can I sing for you?” Noiz was taken aback a little, but remembered how gentle and soothing Clear had sounded in the shower. “ Mhmm .” He felt Clear smile against him as he closed his eyes, spent and ready to relax.  Softly, Clear began singing a quiet German lullaby and Noiz relaxed even more. He recognized it, he had heard it sung to his brother once before a long, long time ago. His parents didn’t waste time singing lullabies to him ever. Noiz almost laughed at the absurdity of it all, but  Clear’s voice was so soothing that he felt like he didn’t have the energy. He kept silent, playing drowsily with his boyfriend’s hair.

_Boyfriend_. 

It felt nice to call someone that. It gave him a sort of a warm, tingly feeling that spread from his stomach to his chest. Clear kept singing in his calming tone and Noiz sighed contentedly. It was almost nicer to know that he was someone’s boyfriend too. He wracked his brain, but he couldn’t think of a time where he had been in an actual relationship with someone. Clear was his first. His mouth twitched into a smirk, thinking of it immaturely, before calming again. Clear was his first boyfriend, at least. He felt the white haired man lightly trailing kisses along his jaw as he sang. Noiz’s sleepy mind wondered how he could kiss and sing at the same time, but let go of the thought almost as soon as it entered his mind. It didn’t matter, it was gentle and sweet.  Slowly, he drifted into a deeper sleep, keeping Clear pressed close against him.

When he woke up an hour or two later, he was slightly surprised to see Clear awake. His boyfriend was smiling was smiling contentedly at him, though he was a bit further away than before. He noticed that Clear had tidied up a bit and folded his clothes neatly. He had also pulled the comforter over the two of them, presumably when he crawled back into bed. “Hello again. Did you know that you speak German in your sleep?” Clear chimed happily. “You didn’t sleep?” Clear shrugged uncomfortably “I don’t sleep that often anyway.” Noiz felt a prick of concern, but kept quiet about it. “So what embarrassing things did I say in my sleep?” He knew that he talked in his sleep, but he was trying to play it cool. Nobody else he had slept with before spoke or understood German, so he had gotten away with it. Clear was grinning from ear to ear “It was cute! You said ‘Darling, I’m home! When will dinner be ready?’ then you were quiet for a little while and I thought you might stop, but then you said ‘Your hair is like a soft, fluffy bunny’s tail. It’s my favourite’ after that, you stopped speaking clearly, so I missed the rest of what you said.” Noiz felt a chagrined blush heat up his face and sighed. “Whatever, I’m not fucking cute.” Clear bit his lip like he was trying not to laugh and kissed Noiz slowly. “I wonder who your darling was~?” Noiz smacked him and grumbled something about how he should have kept sleeping, but he was secretly glad Clear was so enamoured with him. Not that he liked being called cute, but it was nice to have someone who thought so. “You like bunnies then, right?” Clear asked excitedly and Noiz shrugged “Hm…I guess I do. I haven’t thought about it until now.” The older man had a knowing smile, but didn’t tease Noiz about it anymore. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah, I could eat. You?”

Clear nodded, rubbing his (now-clothed) stomach. He was wearing a blue t-shirt that Noiz hadn’t seen in his previous snooping session.  Without thinking, he blurted out “That colour looks nice on you.” Not that he was some master of fashion, but had at least some sense for what colours looked good on people. Clear smiled excitedly “Thank you! I’ll start dinner now, if that’s alright,  daaarling ~!” Noiz rolled his eyes and chucked a pillow at Clear, but he laughed anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days went by peacefully, as Noiz and  Clear figured out what it meant to really be in a relationship. Of course, they  knew what it meant, but there was still a process of figuring out what it meant to be with each other. Noiz had given Clear a key to his apartment, but it wasn’t like Clear was usually there without Noiz anyway. And they still spent time in Clear’s dorm. Intermediate German certainly became more interesting after they became a couple. The two sat beside each other and while Clear was a little more hesitant, Noiz saw no reason to hide their relationship, and made it very,  very visible. Sometimes, he would lean over in the middle of class and whisper things that made Clear blush- all in German, of course. He tried to be a good student. 

One day,  Clear had work directly after class, and had to leave a little early, leaving Noiz to head back to the apartment by himself. Which normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but it seemed life was definitely against Noiz that day. 

“Hey, faggot!”

Noiz ignored the mocking yells behind him. They really could have been talking to anybody, but it was still annoying. He hadn’t gotten into a fight for some time now and he felt himself get a little bit pissed off. It was no business of his if they were harassing some other poor bastard, but he was pretty sure he was the only one around here that they could be talking to. They group behind him kept it up for a while, obviously following him until Noiz suddenly snapped around, anger visible on his face. 

“What the fuck is your problem?’ He asked, sizing up the group. It was a couple of guys from his German class. They were well-adjusted kids with girlfriends and cars, but not nearly as rich as Noiz. They were haughty assholes who deserved  a bit of a fight. Noiz squared his shoulders a bit and glared. It was three against one, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t been in unfair fights before. 

One of the guys smirked down at him condescendingly and the blonde’s anger grew. “What you gonna fight us or something?” Noiz said nothing and swung the first punch. Pretty soon it turned into an all-out brawl, with fellow students gathering around at the sight of violence. It reminded Noiz of high school and he felt slightly more alive than usual. When he had gotten the upper hand, he grabbed the boy who had called him a faggot and slammed him against one of the buildings nearby , enjoying the dull thud his head made against the wall . “Listen up, you fucking prick, because you got a few things wrong.”  He punched the kid hard in the nose, presumably breaking something. “First of all, I’m fucking  _ bisexual _ .” Knee to the gut. “And I hope you know what that means. Secondly, you failed fucking abortion-“This time he got hit and became aware of the fact that the other two were up and at it again. He winced and wiped a bit of blood away “Don’t be jealous just because my partner hasn’t fucked half the student body behind my back.” He said this with a cocky grin. Whether he had fucked this idiot’s girlfriend or not was beside the point, Noiz wasn’t sure if he had or not. What he was going for was the look of absolute disgusted shock and the chance to keep going at it. One of the others tried to fight dirty and aim for his piercings (which admittedly, weren’t the best things to have in a street fight) and the four of them kept going until campus security noticed and they got the hell out of there.

Back at home, Noiz stopped to check the damage in the bathroom mirror. He had a split lip and there was the beginnings of a black eye forming, but that was the only damage to his face. The rest of him was bruised up too, but it wasn’t like it really hurt. He was just glad no one had tried to pull a knife on him again. Splashing his face with cold water and watching it bleed into pink was mildly calming and he went to roll a joint. He couldn’t remember when Clear said he’d be finished with work, but he figured that he might be worried. Noiz tried to avoid getting high when he knew he was seeing Clear – it was easier that way – but today he was in a bad mood and needed a bit of a boost. He laid back on the couch and blew a smoke ring, still tasting the blood in his mouth. He was pretty sure he had bitten the inside of his cheek sometime during the fight, so that’s probably where the blood was coming from. Probably. Sighing loudly, he took a long drag and flicked on the television, already feeling bored out of his mind.

When  Clear got home, he realized a little belatedly that he had forgotten to crack open the balcony door and that it probably smelled pretty bad in here. Instead of really caring, he giggled a little and turned to glance at a very worried boyfriend. “Hey…” he drawled, with a little grin.  Clear kicked his boots of and walked over to Noiz “You’re hurt…” he reached out to gently touch Noiz’s face and he winced a little. “Yeah…it’s like…whatever though, I just got into a fight  cuz some guys were calling me a fag…no big deal.” Clear’s frown deepened and he went to get some ice. Sitting next to his injured boyfriend, Clear gently pressed the ice against the bruise forming around Noiz’s eye “So you came home and got high.” He deadpanned, looking annoyed. It wasn’t like Clear didn’t know Noiz smoked weed, but he hated it. He cared if Noiz got drunk or smoked cigarettes, those were harmful too and he didn’t want someone he loved to be put in harm’s way. But at least those were legal poisons. 

“Are you going to get fucking mad at me?” 

All of a sudden, Noiz felt more annoyed than before and a pit grew in his stomach. He didn’t want  Clear to be mad at him. At the same time though, he didn’t want to change himself completely for another person. That just wasn’t the way things worked. Clear looked a bit withdrawn and shook his head. “No, I’m not. I just want you to take care of yourself.” Noiz sat up and pulled the ice away, staring at  Clear angrily “What, you think I can’t take care of myself? Like I haven’t been taking care of my own goddamn self for nineteen years? I’ve told you things, but you hardly know anything about my childhood and how fucking  hard it was.” Clear shrunk back further into himself, trying to avoid Noiz’s angry gaze. “I’m sorry…I just don’t like seeing you this way.” Noiz growled out another angry response “Like this? Obviously you haven’t been looking close enough, because I’ve always been like this, Clear. I haven’t fucking changed.” It became apparent that Noiz was still in the mood for fighting. Clear bit his lip and stood, whispering quietly “I brought you dinner, if you wanted to eat. I think…I-I’m going to go home now.” He rushed to the door and put his boots back on, along with the rest of his winter clothes. “Bye.” He left as quickly as he had come, tears welling in his eyes.

Noiz flopped back onto the couch and slapped the ice back on his eye. He knew he had fucked up and felt nauseated. Clear had just been trying to help him and take care of him. The petty side of him had taken offense and started a fight and he was regretting it. Not that he was completely wrong, though. He  had been taking care of himself from a really young age, especially due to his parents’ rejection. He hadn’t died thus far and he wasn’t _really_ worse for wear. Physically, at least. Most of the time he sorta knew what he was doing. But  Clear did have a point. He stood up and looked into the little takeout bag Clear had left on the table. He had been trying to get Noiz to try different types of food for a while now, so Noiz expected something he hadn’t tried before. Instead, it was pasta from his favourite place and he felt even sicker, shoving it into the fridge. He hated the fact that he was so willing to fight anyone for anything. Since graduating high school, he had calmed down significantly, but he still occasionally got into fights and like this, it brought him back to the old days. Not like he wasn’t still somewhat of a delinquent now, but he definitely got into less trouble on the streets. 

Shaking his head and rubbing a hand through his already messy hair, he decided to call it a day and just go to bed before he fucked anything else up. 

He slept fitfully, on the couch. Most of the night was filled with nightmares of his past and he woke up in a cold sweat more than once. At around 4 AM, after waking up for the third time, he figured it was better to just stay awake now. He got a glass of water and gulped it down his unusually dry throat. He still felt sick about what had happened with Clear the night before. He shoved some dubiously clean clothes on and left the apartment, planning on going to Clear’s. He wasn’t sure if his boyfriend would be awake or not at this time, but he wouldn’t mind just resting outside the door if he wasn’t. When he got to the dorm he knocked twice and just waited. It was possible Clear may have not heard him, so he knocked once more again and sighed. It took a while and Noiz was about to sit down when a sleepy looking Clear opened the door. “Hi.” Noiz managed tentatively, watching his boyfriend’s face. He half expected to be sent away. Clear just opened the door wider and moved to the side to let him in. “Hey.” He murmured sleepily, rubbing at his eye. “Were you sleeping?” Noiz asked, sounding somewhat apologetic. Clear shrugged and just hugged him close against his bare chest. “Sorry.” The blonde mumbled into warm skin and Clear just said “I’m not…wrong, you know. But that doesn’t mean that you are.” He kissed the top of Noiz’s soft hair. Noiz frowned, wondering why Clear didn’t hate him yet. “You got me pasta…” he said, trying to fight the crack in his voice. Clear nodded “Did you eat it?” Noiz shook his head. At times like this, he really felt young and immature in comparison to his boyfriend. There was a five year age difference between them which didn’t feel like much usually, but it was undeniable that Clear had more life experience than he did.

Clear led him to the bed, sitting down and keeping Noiz close. While he didn’t feel like sleeping now, the steady heartbeat was soothing. After a while of sitting in silence, Clear spoke “You can talk to me. I’m here, I promise I’m not going anywhere.”  It was unspoken, but the ‘I love you’ hung in the air like it had been. Noiz’s heart thudded painfully against his chest and he finally let a few tears fall. His previous bruises ached now, as did his memories. He was stuck, thinking of his past and all the pain it had brought him. He wanted to tell Clear, but more so, he just wanted to cry. He let out a few shuddering sobs and was thankful for the darkness in the room. Clear petted his hair but remained quiet, knowing that Noiz didn’t really need to talk just yet. He would softly wipe tears away and hug his boyfriend closer but other than that, he just allowed Noiz to let it out. 

When Noiz had finally stopped his tears, the sun was just beginning to rise. Clear carefully examined Noiz’s eye. It was purple now and still swollen and  Clear just let out a sad sigh and kissed Noiz chastely. He looked like he’d hardly slept. “Noiz, why don’t you try to get some rest?” Noiz shrugged lightly. It was the weekend and he had no other obligations but he didn’t feel like it. Clear stood up with a slightly pained smile “Well, it’s your choice. Do you want anything for your eye?” Noiz shook his head and continued to  stay quiet. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to sleep without Clear anyway, and he  had an early shift at work. His boyfriend put on some coffee “When I go, I want you to stay right here, okay? Don’t leave.” Noiz nodded and curled up in Clear’s bed. He felt like shit. Most of all, he felt like a stupid kid. Clear left the coffee for him and kissed him softly goodbye before going. 

Time crawled by slowly without Clear and Noiz wondered if he was maybe getting sick. It wouldn’t be surprising, considering the strain he put his body through on a regular basis. Clear would take care of him if was sick. It felt strange to know that he had someone to lean on, if he chose to. Clear was there, Clear wasn’t leaving him and everything was going to be okay. For once in his life, things were going to be okay. With that in his mind, he fell into an exhausted sleep. 

When  Clear got back, Noiz was still asleep, but Clear checked his temperature anyway. It turned out that he was running quite a high temperature and Clear gently woke his boyfriend up. “Hey, wake up…” he cooed softly, softly shaking him awake. He was surprised that Noiz didn’t wake up from the thermometer in his ear, but stranger things had happened.  Noiz blinked awake and glanced around blearily “What…? I don’t wanna…” Clear smiled but his eyes held a hint of worry. “You have a really high temperature, I need to get you cooled down. Noiz looked annoyed at this notion and scrunched his nose up “I knew I was getting sick…fuck.” Clear helped him up and he seemed disoriented. “Come on Noiz, let’s get you feeling better.” They got to the bathroom and  Clea r ran a lukewarm bath, feeling a little bad about it. 

 

Noiz was shivering already. The blonde was just standing there looking dazed, so Clear helped him take his clothes off and into the bath. “It’s cold…” Noiz whined, staring up at Clear with puppy dog eyes. Clear sat by the bath and ruffled his hair, moving to his forehead. “When I checked, you had a pretty high fever, so I don’t want to take any chances. You still feel really warm.” Despite that, Noiz was shivering so hard his teeth were almost chattering. “Do you want anything to eat?” Clear asked softly and Noiz shook his head. Clear sighed and went back to petting his hair “Do you usually get sick when you get stressed out like this?” Noiz shrugged lightly and wrapped his arms around himself to try and warm up. “Can I come out yet?” He asked, frowning. Clear nodded and held out a towel for him. Carefully, Noiz climbed out and allowed himself to be wrapped up. “Sit here for a moment, alright?” Clear told him and then went to get pyjamas for him and the thermometer. When he did he handed the clothes to Noiz “They might be a little big, but I’m sure that’s alright if you’re just resting.” Noiz slowly put on Clear’s clothes and sighed softly “Smells like you…” he mumbled quietly and Clear smiled. Really though, Noiz was miserable. His head ached along with his beaten up body and nothing really made sense. His mind felt slow and foggy and he could hardly focus. Clear checked his temperature and seemed pleased with the results. 

They went back into the bedroom and  Clear bundled him under quite a few blankets “This’ll make you shiver less, I bet.” Noiz grabbed his arm and pulled Clear close feeling a bit childish when he said “Will you stay with me?” His boyfriend hesitated a little but nodded and climbed into bed with him. Noiz instinctively moved closer to the warmth, not worrying about getting Clear sick. “Can I talk to you…?” He asked and  Clear frowned mildly “I would really feel better if you rested.” Ignoring his boyfriend Noiz continued. “Like…I’m sorry I got mad at you and stuff. The things I said about my childhood...they’re true though.” He snuggled closer “My parents…they don’t even like me. I’m pretty sure I only have a brother because they were horrified with what a fuck up I was.” Clear winced to hear Noiz talk about himself like that but let him continue.  “Pretty much…they kicked me out and sent me to a boarding school in America. And because I fucked up so much, I kept having to switch schools and ended up in Canada. Kids always made fun of me…I got into fights lots.” He touched his broken lip and sighed absently “My parents never called to check on me through all of that. I’d just get notice that I was moving and that was that…They first sent me away when I was thirteen.” Clear listened raptly, intrigued by all this new information.  “Shit, I was so scared. I could hardly speak English… but they never called. They only wanted me gone. Sometimes I’d hear about the newest amazing thing my brother did. He’s Theo, by the way. He was just…so good at everything. My parents were proud of him. They weren’t ever proud of me. Nobody was proud of me, so I just stopped trying.” Noiz took a shuddering breath. “At one point someone, somewhere confirmed that I was definitely smarter than most kids. Some sort of test or something. And when they told my parents, who still wouldn’t speak to me they probably said “That can’t possibly be true. We know how stupid he is.” He gritted his teeth and looked conflicted. “That’s not even…what I’m trying to say is I always took care of myself, and I knew I could. Even when I still lived in  Germany, as a little kid, my parents usually left me alone. So I could do it.” Clear’s frown deepened at the topic from last night’s argument and felt Noiz’s forehead again. Still warmer than it should be.  Noiz kept speaking “But like…I’m just…like you…I-I…” he struggled to find the right words, staring helplessly at Clear. Clear pressed their foreheads together, getting the hint. “I’m proud of you. I’ll always be proud of you and I’ll always be here for you. I’ll take care of you when you need me to, even if you don’t want me to. I’ll pay attention to you. I won’t abandon you.” 

Clear kissed his forehead lovingly, not exactly wanting to get sick. Noiz was tense in his arms and alarmingly quiet. Clear looked at him for a reaction, only to see that he was fighting back tears. He sniffled, trying to speak but it still came out sounding watery and nervous “No one…ever wanted to stay with me.” The taller man smiled tenderly stroked his cheek “I do, I promise.” He wiped away a few of Noiz’s tears. “You’re still sick you know, you need to sleep or you’ll never get any healthier.” Noiz whined into Clear’s chest, not ready to sleep yet. He still felt tense and anxious, especially after pouring his heart out to his boyfriend. Clear picked up on this and kisses his unbruised cheek “Noiz. It’s okay to be scared. That’s normal. Hell, I’m usually pretty scared of everything.” The blonde mumbled something about not believing it into Clear’s chest and he sighed again. “Let’s just rest for a bit, we’ll talk more later.”

Noiz finally gave in and fell into a feverish sleep. Like the night before, he had plenty of nightmares but he didn’t end up waking up every time. When he did wake up from his nap, Clear was in the kitchen, making them some soup for lunch. He stood and pulled one of the blankets from the bed and wrapped it around his shoulders, going to bother his boyfriend. Noiz came up behind him, nuzzling his face into Clear’s shoulders and wrapping his arms around his waist, generally being an annoyance. “Ah, so you’re awake.” Clear noted, stirring the soup. “You left.” Noiz accused  grumpily. “Only to make soup.” Clear responded, turning the stove’s heat down and turning around. He hugged Noiz close “Feeling any better?” The shorter boy nodded “A bit. But I still want to be babied.” Clear laughed happily at that. Noiz was starting to sound like himself again. “Of course…” He kissed Noiz’s cheek and Noiz smiled. He grabbed Clear’s arm and said in a more serious tone “Seriously though. Thank you.” Clear nodded and kept a peaceful smile. They got close, but they still hadn’t said what they really meant. Noiz furrowed his brow a bit and took in a deep breath, determined to say it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only part of the story that contains any dubcon, so sorry about that. I know some people didn't like how I made Aoba in this fic the last time, but I'm imagining this Aoba to be more like Desire/Sly. I'm not totally decided if Aoba still has his voice powers, so it's up to you to interpret this as you will.

Noiz opened his mouth to speak and before he could say anything Clear sneezed loudly and promptly looked humiliated. Noiz left his mouth hanging open and it took him a minute to respond “What….was that?”

“A sneeze…” Clear frowned quickly, a light blush dusting over his cheeks.

“I-it…was cute.” Noiz stated, a tiny bit bewildered.

Clear groaned and covered his face. “I can’t get sick too, Noiz!” Noiz shrugged lightly, and frowned. He  _ was _ still feeling sick. He got a sudden shiver and wrapped the blanket closer around himself. “I have to go to work! We  still have to finish our project! Not to mention I have to take care of you too!” Clear ranted in background while Noiz stood there dazedly.  “Well…let’s just eat our soup, okay?” he patted Clear’s arm gently, bringing him back to reality. Clear glanced over with a sheepish look and Noiz shrugged “You’re probably not sick just from one sneeze. I think you’ll be fine, and I’m actually kinda hungry, so…” 

The white haired boy chuckled “Okay, you go sit down. You’re  actually sick and I’m supposed to be nursing you back to health.” Noiz gave a weak little smirk “Hey now, I wouldn’t mind a nurse’s outfit-“ " _ Sit. _ ” Clear cut him off in a  stern voice and Noiz sat down, coughing between his laughter. Clear brought him a bowl of soup, bopping him on the head. “Knock it off, and eat your soup or you’re grounded.” Noiz laughed even harder, putting his face in his hands and coughing a bit more. Soon enough,  he was full on choking and Clear was worriedly rubbing and patting his back. After the fit subsided, Clear looked extremely concerned. “Okay, no more jokes. I’m sorry.” Noiz wiped the tears from his eyes and nodded, breathing heavily. “Y-yeah…good idea. I’m sorry too.” 

Clear watched him carefully, looking for any lasting signs of danger. When he determined wasn’t any, he sighed in relief. “If you keep coughing like that, we are going to a doctor.” He grabbed his own soup and went back to the table, only to notice Noiz suddenly seemed uninterested in his food. “Noiz…? What’s wrong? Did you lose your appetite?” The blonde shook his head. “I don’t want to go to a doctor.” He said, sounding nervous and Clear made the connection.

“You’re afraid of doctors?”

Noiz wrinkled his nose, not wanting to admit it. He shrugged for the third time,  shoving a spoonful of soup in his mouth. “This is good…” he muttered, trying to get his boyfriend off of the topic. Clear just sighed rubbing Noiz’s back. He was sure it wouldn’t get that far anyway, but he was a little concerned about Noiz’s fear. At least he knew for future reference that Noiz had a bit of fear related to doctors. He wanted to know where that stemmed from, but he didn’t want to push a sick person. “Thanks love~!” he said cheerfully instead and ate his own soup.

Days after that little incident, Noiz was feeling much better and Clear had managed to avoid illness through fastidious sanitizing. They were adding the final touches to the German project and Noiz made a realisation “Hey…we’ve never gone on a date, or anything like that, have we?” Clear glanced up from his computer with an inquisitive expression “Not that I can think have…just that time we went to the mall, but I’ not sure that was really a date…” They were at Noiz’s apartment again, since it had more space for working. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but it was looking a lot cleaner. Noiz nodded quietly, taking in the information. “Well…how about we go out then? To celebrate finally finishing this stupid project?” Clear smiled a bit “Sorry, I can’t tonight…I have work. How about tomorrow night, after my afternoon shift?” Noiz pouted a teensy bit, resting his chin on clear’s shoulder. “You work too much.” The white haired boy rolled his eyes. “You only get cute when you want something.” Noiz glared and bit his ear, causing Clear to jump and whine loudly. “D-don’t do that…” he mumbled, blushing a deep pink. Noiz smirked devilishly “We do have a bit of time-“Clear pushed him away flicking him on the forehead. “Ugh, can you not be horny for like, three minutes? I do have to get going, and I have to finish this before I go!” Noiz laughed (thankfully without a coughing fit this time) “Alright, alright…Meet me here after you finish up. And wear something nice, we can go somewhere fancy. And-“ he stated a bit louder, giving Clear a look “Don’t even talk to me about money or how we can go to McDonald’s instead because I don’t want to, and I don’t care what you say.” He finished his little speech with a deep kiss and a pat to Clear’s cheek. “Okay?” Clear nodded, secretly enjoying how Noiz spoiled him. “Okay, whatever you say, kiddo.” He ruffled the blonde hair and chuckled at his indignant expression. “If you can force me to go on fancy dates, I’m going to remind you everyday just how young you are!” Noiz threw a pillow at him “Loser! Just leave already! But…uh…come back tonight cuz like…the bed will be cold. Yeah, that’s it.” He said this all with a shy smile and a bit of a blush. He loved the way they acted with each other now, after becoming more honest with their feelings. He didn’t even mind acting a little cutesy. It was gross and embarrassing, but it was sure as hell fun.

Clear stood, heading to get his jacket on. It  had snowed that day he said it would (and Noiz was still sorta annoyed by that.) and it had stuck. They were officially in the winter wonderland now, which wasn’t so bad in Noiz’s opinion. He and Clear both liked winter and Clear had recently been bothering Noiz to set up a Christmas tree. He had never been the holiday type, but he was considering it for Clear. Really, Clear had been spending so much time with him, Noiz wanted him to just move in. That was his partial motivation for taking Clear out to dinner. Of course, a date would be great as well, but he figured that the holidays might be nice,  if he didn’t have to spend them all alone. 

Clear came and gave him a quick goodbye kiss and then headed out for the night, excited for tomorrow.

The next morning, Noiz awoke to Clear right there beside him like he was supposed to be. He looked  tired even while he was sleeping but Noiz kissed his nose softly anyway. “Hey, wake up.” Clear groaned sleepily and blinked his eyes open. “Hmm…what is it? I’m still tired baby…” Noiz moved to kiss him on the lips. “I want to tell you something important, that I haven’t told anyone yet.” Clear nodded, letting his eyes slid shut again. Noiz poked him “Are you listening?” Clear nodded and made an agreeable noise. “I’m serious Clear, it’s important.”

Clear sighed and rubbed his eyes, sitting up. “Okay, sorry, I’m listening now. What is it?” 

Noiz looked a bit shy. “Don’t laugh at me okay?”

“I wouldn’t.” 

“I-I…Ich leibe dich.”

Clear smiled and gently cupped Noiz’s face in his hands. “I love you too. I love you so, so much and nothing will ever change that, I promise.” He gave Noiz a lovingly deep kiss, smiling through it.

“Now that we’re both up, how about brunch before I have to leave?”

“Ugh, only if I don’t have to do  anything .” 

Clear laughed and pinched his nose. “Of course you have to help, it’s only fair!!”

Noiz groaned and dragged himself out of bed. “Shower sex first.” He demanded, stripping off his pyjamas. Clear shook his head. “Nope, not right now. I’m hungry and I want scrambled eggs.” Noiz made a skeptical face, standing there in only a pair of bunny print briefs. “Fine you douche, but you better get up quickly then, before I beat your ass.” 

Clear smirked just to tease him and stood up, stretching slowly. “Hm. I might end up liking that, y’know.”   

Noiz chucked a pillow at him and made his way into the kitchen while his boyfriend laughed.

The blonde rummaged around in the fridge while Clear got out the necessary cooking utensils. These days, Clear was really working on teaching Noiz how to make simple dishes for himself, so he wasn’t eating processed food all the time. It wasn’t exactly surprising – Clear was definitely all for organic, good for you things to eat and delivery pizza and pasta didn’t exactly fit in either criteria.  They worked together making a simple, but healthy breakfast and Noiz ate it without too much complaints or fussiness. After that, they said their goodbyes and Noiz held onto Clear for maybe just a minute too long. “Do you really have to go, Clear?”

Clear nodded “You’ll be fine for eight hours, I promise.”

“No.”

Clear laughed and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be back, Noiz. I’m excited for our date, too you know.”

Noiz poked him in the stomach and gave a petulant glare. “Fine, be like that. I’ll see you later you fluffy jerk.” Clear laughed and kissed his cheek once more before quickly leaving so he would be on time for work. 

Feeling pouty, Noiz flopped onto the couch and flicked on his television. He had hours before he had to get ready so he figured he might as well relax for a while. He watched and re-watched Mean Girls just because he had time to kill. The movie was considerably better when he was stoned out of his mind, but there was things he had to do today, and he was really trying to make this a special day for Clear, just because his hard-working boyfriend deserved some pampering. After watching movies got boring, he finally decided to get up and ready for the evening. After showering, he noticed that he had a message. Thinking Clear might’ve gotten off early, he excitedly checked it only to be greeted with:

“It’s Aoba, I’m coming over.” 

All of sudden, he felt his world stop. Everything he had worked for, all the pain he’d gotten over all the progress he had made was suddenly gone. He was back to that kid who got high and cried over boys he never had a chance with. Hands shaking, he responded.

“No, you’re not. You can’t.”

He knew he had to be strong for  Clear. Clear was the most important person in his life right now, the one that kept everything all together and made everything make sense.

Another reply.

“Too bad, I’m already on my way.”

This was just a booty call, all Aoba wanted was his dick. Noiz  knew he knew this. He stared at his suit-clad reflection and tried to pretend he could do this. He would be able to turn Aoba away, send him home. Stay faithful. But he had never been good at things like this. He was weak and he was vulnerable and Aoba knew just where to make a sucker punch. Noiz wanted to send the blue-haired man away, but he didn’t do anything as he heard the door open. He didn’t even walk to the front entrance until he heard “I’m here~!” from an unmistakable voice. When he got there, Aoba looked him up and down with an appreciatively lustful gaze.

“You clean up real nice, don’t you?” He asked cheekily, flashing Noiz a grin.

“You…have to leave, Aoba.” Just saying his name hurt. “I have some…where to be in less than an hour and I don’t have time for your bullshit.” He had wanted to say someone but he couldn’t force the word past his lips. His voice was shaky and uncertain, even to his own ears.

Like an animal cornering its prey, Aoba stalked over to him. “Don’t be like that, I can make it quick.” He cooed, breath hot in Noiz’s ear. The blonde pushed back, only to find himself against a wall. “Stop.” He said, not nearly as firmly as he could have. Aoba pressed against him, pressing searing kisses to his pale neck. “Oh come on, it’s been like three months. Don’t deny that you’ve wanted this the whole time.” Noiz’s pulse sped up and Aoba felt it, scoffing playfully. “See? No denying it now.” 

Noiz thought of Clear, precious, gentle Clear who had already been hurt by someone he trusted his heart with once. Noiz pushed at Aoba’s shoulders, albeit weakly. “Stop it. I’m with someone and I don’t need you fucking this up for me.” Aoba cackled at that “That’s never stopped either of us before, honey.” 

He slid a hand up Noiz’s shirt, wrinkling the nice button-down he had on. Running that cold hand up his stomach and onto his chest, the blue-haired man made a clicking noise with his tongue. “Hm, it seems like you beefed up a little. Or is that just my imagination? Less drugs lately?” 

Noiz forcefully shoved Aoba back this time, now very angry. “Back the fuck off. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”  A sly smile curled across the other man’s features and he resumed his position, pressing Noiz even harder against the wall. “Oh, but I do,” he cooed again, rubbing a thumb up his jawline. “I know that you’re really just an addict. You have no self-control and I’m just a drug. So use me Noiz.  _ Use me. _ ” 

Noiz forgot to breathe at that. It was wrong in so many ways, on so many different levels, but he couldn’t help but feel affected by the tone in Aoba’s voice. He had known Aoba for maybe a week, and they did every drug imaginable together at the club, but it wasn’t like that…always, was it? Aoba’s hands were on his belt and Noiz struggled to find the strength to pull away. He wanted Aoba so  badly . 

Any and all thoughts of Clear were completely gone from his mind. 

As the other man brought his sensible dress pants down, he smirked. “Look at you. Why aren’t you stopping this? Is it because of all those times you thought of me? Hm? Did you touch yourself while you thought of me? Did I make you come?” The tone was demeaning and awful, but Noiz felt himself starting to get hard. “Stop, this isn’t what I want.” He rasped desperately.

Predictably, Aoba blissfully ignored him, unbuttoning and discarding Noiz’s shirt and suit jacket. He left his own clothes on and shoved a knee between Noiz’s legs, pressing up ever-so-slightly.  A choked moan  left the blonde and it only prompted Aoba further, as he bit at Noiz’s throat. “There’s a good boy. Submit, and it’ll all be easier.” Noiz trembled at those words, squeezing his eyes shut. “No…don’t, please.” The blue-haired man palmed Noiz through his boxers, smirking sinfully against his throat. “You sound so pretty when you use your manners, Noiz…”

 

The German boy tensed, praying Clear would be able to forgive him for something like this. Then, he roughly brought Aoba into a searing kiss. It was brutal, teeth and tongues clashing, lips bruising. It was nothing like the gentle, sweet kisses he had shared with Clear mere hours ago. There was no love in this. It was raw lust, plain as day. There was nothing even remotely soft about this violent fight for dominance.

And yet, he still played the game.

He played along, hating himself for the way he shucked Aoba’s jacket off and the vicious kisses they shared. He stayed where he was, because he knew he would never be in control of this. Aoba would always have the upper hand. He grit his teeth when Aoba touched him, feeling like there was poison spreading through him at every contact point. Soon, he broke down, while Aoba licked up the salty tears. “Please” became his new mantra, but he wasn’t even sure what he was begging for anymore. 

The shame and the lust and the intense regret all rolled into a tightness in his chest and he could hardly breathe from such a mix of emotions. It hurt and he hated it. He didn’t want this but _oh_ _ god _ did he need it. Aoba was everything Clear was not and the unfamiliarity sent chills down his spine. The other man kept himself pressed tight against Noiz, the foxlike grin never once leaving his face. He grabbed the blonde violently by the bangs “You want me, don’t you, Noiz?

Noiz shook his head.  _ No, I don’t want this, -I need it- oh god please stop, stop… _

Weakly, the younger man tried to push him away. “No…” Aoba slammed his head back against the wall. “Don’t lie. Tell me you  want me.” He breathed lasciviously, making unnervingly solid eye contact with the green-eyed man. Noiz winced at the unexpected impact. “Pl…ease…Aoba…s-stop…” he sounded torn up, but his voice was filled with undeniable need. He felt as if there was no reason to struggle at this point. What Aoba wanted, Aoba got. Noiz felt like it had always been this way. From the very conception of the universe, someone decided this to be true and there would be no fighting it. That was simply the way things were. 

As if to confirm this and solidify the fact that the universe had cursed him, Noiz heard the telltale sound of footsteps down the hall, thanks to the partially cracked door.  The measured, quiet steps would be no one but Clear. He had wanted to make this day special but instead, this was happening. Noiz was so confused. His mind felt foggy with want and he didn’t know what was going on or what he wanted exactly, anymore. He tried harder to shove Aoba off of him, and he stumbled back, devilish smirk never leaving his face “Is someone going to get caught?” Aoba mocked, not reducing his level of ferocity. Then, Noiz heard the most broken tone a human being had ever used.

“Noiz…?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also deals with depression, suicide and drug abuse so if that bothers you, just be aware that the next 2 chapters are gonna be a little heavy.

Noiz growled and shoved Aoba further off him with considerable force. He rushed to fix his clothes “Clear…wait.” He needed a few minutes to figure out what he was going to say, but he wasn’t sure he was going to get that long.  Aoba, who had recovered quickly from being shoved into a wall, laughed loudly. “Well isn’t this just great, Clear, I haven’t seen you in a while…” 

His words were lost on both of them though. 

Noiz quickly redressed himself and Clear stared brokenly at him. They could have been the only two people in the world – it felt like time had stopped. Finally Noiz got the courage to speak. “Clear…we need to- this isn’t what it looks like. I didn't want this. Fuck, that sounds so-“Clear smiled gently, bittersweet tears forming in his eyes and slipping down his cheeks. “It’s…okay. We can talk some other time.” The smile only drove the knife deeper into Noiz’s heart. Aoba watched on with a sickeningly amused grin as Noiz fumbled for words. “Please,  please …don’t leave. I can’t let it end this way.” The blonde begged, reaching out to his boyfriend. His own tears were falling freely like before. He wanted Clear to know he hadn’t meant it, that he never wanted it, he was just so confused.

Clear turned away and spoke calmly, despite his tears “Noiz, I need to go. I can’t talk yet, but maybe I’ll be able to later. Don’t try to text me, or I’ll shut my phone off.” He walked away at that, the anger and disappointment obvious in his posture. He clicked the door shut and Noiz didn’t even get to watch him walk away. Filled with renewed anger, he turned on Aoba, who was howling with laughter. “I didn’t know you could cry!” he exclaimed, grinning darkly. “But now that that’s over with, why don’t we head back into the bed-“He was cut off by a harsh punch, and he only smirked at it. “Let’s fight then.”

An hour or so later, when it became apparent Noiz wasn’t about to indulge Aoba, he left with a self-satisfied grin and a few bruises on his face. “Call me~” he called over his shoulder as he left the eerily quiet apartment.  Noiz sunk to the floor, covered in fresh bruises and more than one cut. It made him think of how gently Clear had taken care of him when he was hurt before. He bit his lip hard and sent Clear a message, knowing it was futile. Predictably, he got no response.

He felt so alone again.

Noiz was out of weed and he had been trying to keep mostly clean but he figured desperate times called for desperate measures.  He rummaged through his medicine cabinet while Aoba’s words echoed through his mind.  _ ‘I know that you’re really just an addict …’ _ He shook off the thought and grabbed a bottle of cough medicine that he didn't remember buying. “Close enough…” he murmured out loud to himself. He uncapped the bottle and took a long swig, wincing at the distinctly pharmaceutical taste. He was still in his suit and didn’t care to change out of it. He was hungry, but eating now would ruin his high, so he went back to the couch with a dazed expression. 

He pulled out a cigarette and lit up, frowning deeply. Everything smelled like Clear and Clear was the only thing he could think of. A few of Clear’s things were left around the house, little things like mittens and a blanket, a shirt, a to-go cup from work. His presence was inescapable and Noiz was suddenly glad he had taken something that would eventually put him to sleep. He stared blankly around his living room and finally put his cigarette out. There was no point in it anymore. Much like there wasn’t a point in anything else. If Clear left him, he really did have no one. Having no one was okay when it was all you had ever known, but once you knew what it felt like to be loved, there was no going back. He reflected  on the old ‘having loved and lost is better than having never loved at all’ and decided that whoever had come up with that phrase was probably from a different planet. 

Ironically now, all he wanted was the numbness he had detested so much before. He knew what it was like to feel now, but at what cost? The winter night seemed lonely all of a sudden and he felt like crying, but his eyes remained dry. It all hurt so much he could hardly breathe. Instead, he closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. He felt shaky and nauseous and sincerely missed his usual drug. He threw up once, not caring enough to clean himself up. He wanted to die, but he let himself pass out as a consolation prize.

When he woke up, he was surprised to find himself in his own bed. He was sure he had fallen asleep on the couch. He wasn’t covered in vomit either. Sitting up quickly, he realized that he also wasn’t alone. Clear was dozing in a corner of the room. It seemed like he refused to sleep in the bed with Noiz but had taken care of him anyway. In a way, that hurt Noiz more than he thought it would. Climbing out of his bed, he stumbled over to Clear, still feeling a little strange. “Clear? Why are you here?” he asked quietly and sat down by the half asleep man. Clear didn’t respond and Noiz frowned, realising he had sat on Clear’s deaf side. He moved over and repeated his question this time with a little shake to Clear’s shoulder. The other man jolted awake, glancing at Noiz. “Oh, you’re awake.” His tone had a clinical edge to it and Noiz flinched. “You…took care of me.” Clear frowned “You left your door unlocked and I couldn’t leave you laying pathetically like that.” Noiz reached out to touch his face,  but Clear pushed his hand away. “Don’t.” He glanced away “Just…explain. Was it because we weren’t…having sex enough? Or…something I did? ”

Noiz took a deep breath to ease his tension. “ No!  No, god no.  A-Aoba…he…texted me, saying he was coming over. I told him not to, but…fuck I should have locked the door or something, b-but…He came in, saying all sorts of things, I told him to go away, to stop, but he didn’t. And then you came. I didn't want to, I didn't.... he forced...I didn't-” Clear listened with a neutral expression and finally spoke “Noiz, I…you understand, I know you do. It's so hard to trust you now .” 

Noiz felt the whole world shatter and break around him as he tried to process what he was hearing. Desperately, he tried again “You said nothing would change how much you loved me! You promised, you  _ promised _ _._ ” He cried, sounding like an upset child. “I never meant for this to happen. I love you, you love me, you said so yourself, yesterday, please don’t go, don’t make me do this alone again. I didn't want it!” He pleaded, clutching on to Clear’s arm.  He saw Clear’s expression soften for a moment before it went back to that cold neutrality. “Look…I wasn’t firm where I needed to be before- “Noiz cut him off in a panic “I didn’t do anything! It was him Clear, not me! I was telling him to stop. I was telling him to stop..” His voice cracked unevenly and he sobbed, bringing his face to Clear’s chest.  “Noiz, please. Stop acting like this isn’t hard for me. It’s  hard  okay?” Noiz looked pleadingly up at him. “If it’s that hard then just don’t do it. We can be happy, I promise, I-I’ll do anything.” Clear looked like he was fighting back tears and his voice sounded watery. “I can’t just…do that. You hurt me. And I know it wasn’t all you, but- “ Noiz interrupted him again, in an empty tone. “I can’t let you go. I won’t because go d dammit, somehow you’re the air I breathe and every one of my thoughts. Without you, there is no me.”

Clear frowned and stayed quiet for a long while. Finally he pulled Noiz close to him, ever-so-gently whispering “I want to give you a second chance.” Noiz fought back a sob, trying to stay as close as possible. “Why..?” he asked, voice cracking again. Clear let out a deep sigh “But I can’t. I don’t want this to  happen again. So maybe I’m just better off on my own. It wasn’t terrible before.” The blonde clutched him close, shaking his head “Don’t go…please, stay with me…” 

Clear patted his head softly. “I only came here to get my things. I’ll see you in class or something.” He moved to pull away and Noiz only held on tighter. “I know I fucked up,” he said desperately “But this isn’t…I didn’t want it anyway! H-he was…I told him to stop!” Clear spoke again, with a harder tone than before. “If it was anyone else, then maybe I could have forgiven you. But it was him. Aoba. He broke my heart once already. And- “he took a deep breath, preparing for what he had to say “You…I saw how you shoved him off after I walked in. You could have done that before. Or locked the door when he said he was coming. Why didn’t you?” 

The words burst from his mouth "I did, I swear to god, Clear I did! I didn't want him to but-" he loosened his grip around Clear’s waist. He watched as the taller man stood up, heading to the door. Normally, Clear would understand. This wasn't like him. This must be a nightmare- “You should get some sleep.” He suggested quietly and Noiz could only laugh bitterly “As if.”

And that was the last thing they said to each other for a long time.

Clear had noticed Noiz was showing up to class less and less as the days went by, and when he did show up, he sat as far away from Clear as possible. He looked like a total wreck and more times than not, he was high when he came to class. He never showed up at the little campus coffee shop anymore either. 

It wasn’t like Clear was doing very well either, but he seemed to have more things together than Noiz did. His days were spent quietly, working and studying. When he was doing neither of those things, he stayed in his room, singing quietly to himself and thinking of soft strawberry blonde hair. He knew he could stop all this hurt at any time. He could take Noiz back and they could love each other again. Clear hoped deep down that Noiz would never refuse him. But still, he never said a word.

The semester ended, and Clear had a lot of time on his hands. The weather was colder than last winter, he was sure.  _ Or maybe it’s just colder in my heart? _ Christmas was fast approaching and he once again had no one to spend it with. He thought about all those times he had nagged Noiz to put up a Christmas tree with him, and wondered quietly if the German boy had done it in his absence. He thought not.  It was dark so early now, he needed to spend more time in the fluorescent light of his dorm, rather than something more natural. Realizing things had gotten too dark again, he flicked on the lights, a slight buzz filling the room. He set the kettle on and hummed lowly as he watched the snow flutter to the ground outside his window. 

Clear’s phone vibrated quietly and he looked at it with a level of shock. Since he had broken up with Noiz, he hardly used his phone. He occasionally used it to get in contact with a co-worker, but that was about it. So many times he’d had to stop himself from recklessly texting Noiz.  Still, he felt his heart jump a little with hope, every time he got a message. This message though, was never what he wanted.

_ ‘ I thought I’d just say goodbye or something. Whatever.’ _

There was no mistaking what he was talking about. Clear wanted to fake naivety and pretend he was just moving away or something, but he knew better. Noiz had never been a person with entirely stable mental health. In fact, it was more often bad than good. His first instinct was to call Noiz but he did the rational thing and called an ambulance instead. He wasn’t sure if he would be home, but Clear sent it there anyway. He made sure to tell the operator that he wasn’t sure, but he had a feeling, anyway. After  that, he shoved himself into his winter clothes and phoned the blonde. There was no response, even after he had tried three times. Tears streaked down his face and he rushed to Noiz’s apartment, praying to anyone that would listen he would be okay. Clear got there just in time to see paramedics loading a stretcher into the back. He panicked, rushing over, only to be held back. “H-he’s my friend!” Clear choked out through his tears. “Please, please he’s afraid of doctors, I can’t let him wake up alone,  please I need to go with him!” He sobbed in a panic, trying to push his way through the people holding him back. Eventually they relented and Clear sat in the back, glancing over Noiz’s pale body. 

His heart was still beating, albeit weakly . Clear had never seen someone look so awful.  He was hooked up to tubes and other wires and really, Clear had no idea what was going on. He heard words like ‘overdose’ and ‘stomach pump’ being thrown around, but he really only had a vague idea of what was happening. All he could think about were three simple facts.

 

Noiz was really, really sick.

Noiz had attempted suicide.

It was all his fault and he should have never left the person he loved alone.

He felt unnerved by all of this and was still panicked when they rushed Noiz into a proper hospital bed. He was told he wouldn’t be able to see Noiz for a while and a small redheaded nurse took him aside to ask some questions. She told Clear her name was Susan and that she wanted him to stay calm and answer truthfully. He nodded, wiping his salty tears away. “Alright, let’s start from the beginning. What’s your name?”

“Clear.”

“Alright, and what’s his name?”

Clear cringed a little but continued and gave Noiz’s birth name. “It’s…Wilhelm, but he really prefers to be called Noiz. Please call him that…”

Susan gave him a gentle, pitying smile and continued down her list of questions.

“Now, do you know why he attempted suicide?” 

Clear’s eyes filled up with tears again and he spoke shakily. “H-he…well we were together. We broke up and neither of us has been the same since. God I'm so stupid I should've believed him when he said-  Noiz …he never was really stable. I think he’s been like this for a very long time. Maybe…it just all became too much.” His shoulders quivered with the emotion behind his words and he felt like sobbing again but managed to keep it together. 

“Hmm. I see. Is there anything else I should know?“

Clear trembled tripping over his words to explain himself. "He...we broke up, because..I thought he cheated on me but oh..god..it was..it was more like assault. And I didn't believe him."

Susan's expression softened a little but her voice was neutral "Listen, since you're not family, I can't really-"

“No, no, no! H-he has no family they all live in Germany! They sent him off at a r-really young age. He has no one here, no one but me, I’m the only one, you have to let me see him.” The gravity of his words hit him and he really did break down in tears. Clear was the only one Noiz had in this lonely world, and he had abandoned him.  Just like everyone else.

The nurse scribbled down a few more notes and sighed. “Alright alright, calm down honey. You can see him. You’re the closest to a family member anyway.” Clear calmed considerably at this, but he was still a sniffling, tear-streaked mess. Susan led him into a quiet room, where he could collect himself and wait for Noiz to be ready. Dully, he remembered he had left the kettle on at home, as well as the lights. It wasn’t hurting anybody, but the thought just occurred to him. He tried not to beat himself up about the situation, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. He was the one who had caused this. He was the one who had left Noiz all alone when he was begging for someone to stay. It made every inch of his body ache to think about that. It was probably the first time Noiz had ever really pleaded for someone’s company and really meant it and Clear had so coldly denied him that. He knew that there were obviously a lot of things that had ebbed away at Noiz’s mental health and he wasn’t to blame for this. But the ‘what ifs’ raced through his mind and gave him no solace. Clear paced the room, biting his lip and wondering why it was taking so long. He knew Noiz wouldn’t wake up right away, probably, but he didn’t want the last image he saw of the boy to be that pallid, limp creature from the ambulance.

With a heavy heart, he made his third cup of instant coffee. It was the gritty kind, that tasted unnatural and disgusting, but Clear didn’t care. He didn't even like coffee, he'd just gotten used to drinking it with Noiz. He gulped down the hot liquid without really tasting it, burning his tongue and throat. It hurt, but nothing hurt as much as the throbbing pain in his chest. With every minute that passed, the pain got more and more unbearable and the world around him seemed duller and dimmer and more far away. He wanted to see Noiz again. That cheeky smile, mischief sparking in those pale green eyes. To touch him again, hold him close and breathe in his musky scent. To kiss him once for every time Clear had thought about him when they were apart. He’d apologize for anything, he would do anything, just to see Noiz alive again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter for today, because I didn't wanna leave you on a cliffhanger :)

When Clear was finally allowed into Noiz’s room, he felt terrified. It was understandable, but he kept reminding himself he needed to be strong for when Noiz woke up. He knew he wasn’t going to able to sleep until the blonde woke up anyway, so he pulled the semi-comfortable chair as close to Noiz’s bed as possible. Quietly, he studied the boy. Noiz looked years older than he should have for a nineteen year old. The dark circles under his eyes were heavily pronounced and he looked as though he had lost a significant amount of weight. He was pale as death itself and his lips were chapped and cracked. All in all, he looked similar to when Clear had first met him, but worse. The older man felt his heart clench noticeably at that. In his anger and hurt, he had forgotten just how badly everyone treated Noiz before. With a trembling hand, he reached out to brush the boy’s cheek. It was cooler than it probably should have been, but his breath was hot. Clear bit back a sob, and watched him, praying that he would wake up soon. 

It wasn’t like Clear’s prayers were often answered, but when Noiz woke up six hours later, rather than right away, Clear couldn’t exactly say he was disappointed. He watched as Noiz’s vision focused and he glanced around the room in confusion, eyes finally settling on Clear. “Why…are you…here?”  he croaked out. He had the look of someone who was too exhausted to feel much of anything. “I…called the ambulance. When you texted me, I knew I had to do something. I wouldn’t just let you…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. “Kill myself?” Noiz finished with dead-looking eyes “You just couldn’t let me have what I wanted? Just once?” His voice was still raspy and it sounded as though it was painful for him to speak. Clear glanced away before speaking, staring at the too-white walls of the room “I can’t be in a world without you. I…love you too much for that, a-and…I’m sorry. So sorry.” Noiz was silent for a while before speaking again “That makes it better? I’m sorry, I love you and now I’m  fixed ?” Clear brought his gaze back quickly to the blonde. “I’m not self-important enough to think that, and you know that too. I just wanted to apologize for the way I hurt you. It’s…too much to ask for a second chance, I know. I didn’t want you to wake up alone. You’re afraid of doctors. They're going to ask you questions that you can't answer and...” Noiz gave him a level look “Yeah, well I didn’t want to wake up at all.” His voice cracked painfully at that and Clear was reminded of just how young he was. Hell, he wasn’t even out of his teens, really. 

“You have too much to live for, Noiz.” Clear said, reaching over and holding his thin hand.  “Like what?” he asked tiredly, like it was too much of a hassle to live. Like there was nothing that would ever make him feel alive. Clear squeezed his hand softly, being painstakingly gentle. “You have your whole life ahead of you. An entire world to see and experience. People to meet. You can decide what you want to do for a career, if you even feel like working at all.  The little things you like, like winter and good food. It might sound pathetic, but if you don’t want to live for yourself, live for  me . I fucked up pretty badly.” Here Clear barked out a single dark laugh “But I can’t…be without you. I don’t just want you on this planet, I want you in my arms. I can't believe..I let you be...assaulted," he spit the word out like it was poison "And pretend like it was your fault. I feel sick. I'm..I'll do anything I can." His fists clenched in anger at Aoba, and the situation in general.

Noiz closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He stayed like that for a while and Clear worried that he had fallen asleep again. He jumped a little when the blonde finally spoke “Yeah, you really did fuck up.” Clear hung his head in shame and watched as sharp green eyes focused on him. “It wasn’t entirely you. It was a lot of things.” Noiz tightened his grip slightly on his hand and Clear brought a sleeve to his face, wiping away the tears he hadn’t realized were there. 

“I never did like seeing you cry.”

Noiz, with his limited strength tugged on Clear’s arm until he was leaning over the German boy, salty tears dripping onto his face. Noiz put a hand behind his head, guiding Clear slowly to his lips.  Their lips  met carefully, and it was almost a foreign sensation. It had been a long time since they had kissed. It was less of a kiss than dry lips pressing against salty ones, but the sentiment was there. Clear brought his free hand to Noiz’s cheek, running his thumb across his cheekbone. His skin was a more acceptable temperature now and Clear let out a relieved sigh against his lips. After a few more seconds, they pulled away from each other, but neither went far. Clear’s nose touched Noiz’s and the blonde’s slow breathing tickled at Clear’s face. “I love you, I’m sorry.” Noiz breathed out and Clear broke down again, burying his face into Noiz’s chest and letting out a wail.  He cried and cried until there were no tears left and even after that, let out a few dry sobs. “I was  so scared.” He whimpered into the thin blankets “Don’t do that again. Never.  Never .” He clung to Noiz steadfastly and Noiz brought a hand to his hair, petting it and absently stroking the soft strands of white. Eventually Clear went quiet and rested his head closer to Noiz’s stomach. Noiz moved his hand to the back of Clear’s neck, and kept it comfortingly on the warm skin there. It didn’t take much until Clear was fast asleep there, face flushed a bit from the heat and effort of crying. Noiz watched him until he fell asleep too.

They were both woken up by a soft-spoken male nurse who asked if they wanted anything to eat. They quietly obliged and food was brought to them. It was simple and bland, most likely prepared to avoid upsetting anyone’s stomach. Noiz had a childish fascination with the green jello cubes they were served for “dessert”. Clear chuckled at him, but was ridiculously relieved that he was starting to show interest in things again.  Noiz had to stay for a 72-hour observation period after the initial night, to make sure he didn’t try to hurt himself again and Clear only left him to go to the washroom. They slept together on the tiny hospital bed and Clear stayed holding his hand every time a doctor came into the room, helping his through tough conversations and checkups with quiet gestures and quick kisses when no one was looking. Finally after everything, they got to go home. The hospital was somewhat far away from Noiz’s apartment, so they called a cab. Clear refused to wear his jacket and scarf, wrapping Noiz up tight, so he could stay warm. Noiz complained that he would be too hot, but he was thankful when they stepped into the frigid winter. 

When they got home (and  home was truly the word for it when they were both there) Clear insisted that Noiz rest while he cleaned. “I know I’ve said this a million times…” he murmured, surveying the mess and the damage that strewn across the apartment. It was the house of someone hurting. “But I’m so sorry Noiz. I want to make things right. Let me do this for you. Let me make this a healthy place again. Somewhere safe.” Noiz nodded reluctantly and held Clear’s hand tighter than before, facing his (once-again) boyfriend with a vulnerable look “If I get scared?” his voice was barely audible and it was almost a blessing that Clear could read lips. “I’ll be there before you can even call me. I’ll help you to be strong, I promise.” He brought Noiz’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “Let’s get you in some pajamas okay? I know it’s early, but you still need to rest. Doctor’s orders.” Noiz smiled fleetingly “You’re a doctor now?” Clear chuckled and ruffled his hair. “C’mon, let’s go…” He led Noiz to the bedroom, relieved to see there was nothing that could bring up bad memories there. The bedding could use a wash, but he would take care of that later. He tucked Noiz in, kissing his forehead. “Quit treating me like a kid…” The blonde mumbled, a faint bit of his old sass shining through. Clear chuckled pleasantly “You’re  still younger than me, you know.” 

And then, he cleaned. 

Every square inch of the apartment was sparkling and it was a fresh start. Clear removed anything that could possibly spur bad memories and put everything back in order. He got rid of all the drugs, and made careful note of what was in the medicine cabinet, just in case. At one point, he did kick Noiz out of bed so he could wash the sheets and do any other laundry Noiz had accumulated. When he was all finished he joined Noiz on the couch. The German boy was playing on a handheld console but glanced up quietly when Clear sat beside him.

“Hey. I wanted to ask you something.” Clear relaxed and rested his head on Noiz’s shoulder. “Sure, what did you want to ask?” Noiz looked mildly uncomfortable for a moment then took a deep breath “Do you…like…want to move in with me? It’s like no big deal or anything…it just sorta…feels more like home with you here. And..” Fear lingered in his voice and Clear's heart broke again. “I wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t” He kissed Noiz deeply “I would love to, Noiz.” Noiz couldn’t help but let out a shaky sigh and a smile softened his features. “We…can get a Christmas tree too, if you want.” He suggested quietly and Clear brightened even further. “Really? For the longest time…we haven’t had enough money for a tree, just for small gifts…a-and…that would be really nice.” Noiz’s chest flooded with warmth and he remembered why he loved Clear’s smile. “Of course we can, it would make me happy just to be with you…” He blushed at his own sentimental words, but still held a tender expression. He realized the importance of quiet moments like this.

Quickly, he captured Clear into another deep kiss. Clear always made it all better. The kiss soon got more heated and Clear pulled away slightly breathless and with darkened eyes “Noiz…” he murmured softly. “Is this…okay?” Noiz nodded quickly and Clear moved to sit in his lap.  They kissed languidly, but the passion was still there. It had been a really long time since they had been together like this and it was clear that they were both being tentative. Gentle touches turned into soft gasps and quiet moans. Noiz took off Clear’s shirt, fumbling with the buttons slightly and never pulling his lips away from his skin. Neither was more dominant than the other yet, for now it was just tenderness. Clear pulled him away for just a moment so he could slide Noiz’s shirt off. As soon as they were both topless, they kissed deeply again, now with a more desperate edge. “How do you want to do this…?” Noiz panted against his lips and Clear couldn’t resist a kiss before answering.

“I...don't want to hurt you." As much as he thought he needed this he couldn't shove away the memory of Noiz pleading with him that he didn't mean to, he didn't do anything wrong. Noiz looked disappointed and dejected. Clear spoke again, the maturity coming through in his voice, "I don't think..we're ready yet. It's not like I don't want this, I do, but.."

Noiz looked away again with a confused look staining his features. "Let's take it slow, okay Noiz? You might think you're ready, but...I-I really think you're not. Not yet, anyway." The younger boy's lip trembled and Clear held him tight. "It's okay to cry."

“I missed you, a lot.” Noiz mumbled into his chest. “Yeah. I missed you every day.” Clear said back, hugging him tighter. They treated each other like they were fragile, like one of them would break if handled too roughly. Noiz's voice was hesitant and laced with pain “You know…every day without you there, I felt like I was dying.” Clear flinched, but Noiz needed to tell him. “I tried to numb it out, with the drugs and the alcohol. It wasn’t enough though, never enough. So I thought ‘why don’t I actually die?’ That was how I was thinking. But you…you saved me, again. You’ve saved my life twice now.”

Clear looked a little confused “Noiz…?” he was almost tempted to call the doctor. Noiz tensed his jaw,"No it’s okay. I’m not like that now. But…before I met you, before I really got to know you, after…him. I was gonna off myself the day we got that project assigned to us.” Clear’s eyes filled with concern and the beginnings of tears. “Please don’t cry…” Noiz begged, voice tight and expression hidden in Clear's chest.“I just…needed to tell you. You saved my life twice. And I’ll never stop loving you. Like I said before, without you, there is no me. So thank you.” 

Clear’s lip trembled and he tried to fight back tears, to no avail.  Big tears dripped down his cheeks onto Noiz’s bare chest below. He looked alarmed but it seemed that he had expected as much. He held Clear close, petting his hair and rubbing his back and repeating "D-don’t cry. I’m okay now, you’re okay….we’re okay...” Despite his words, Noiz let go. His sobs were loud and hiccuping,and Clear held him as they both sobbed.

After a while, they stopped crying, and just held each other close “N-noiz..?” he sounded like he would start sobbing at any minute again and Noiz stuttered "I'm so sorry."

Clear sat up slightly, wiping away his tears. “Why are you apologizing? It wasn't your fault. I understand what happened and I'm an idiot for not realizing earlier.” He assured, leaning back down to kiss Noiz. " I love you, I love you, I  love you. I’m never gonna stop either, okay? I promise.” Clear looked at Noiz’s expression and was surprised to see such a gentle face staring back at him. It was terrible, but Noiz just looked so much happier that it was hard to believe this was the same person from a few days ago. 

Noiz spoke again, voice raspy “I’m really glad to hear that. You know, it seems like love always has a condition like ‘if you act like this or look like this or are this sort of person, you don’t deserve love’ But you’re not like that at all, are you?” Noiz asked earnestly. Clear smiled painfully and shook his head. “Nah…at least I hope I’m not. It seems so awful to put limitations on love.” He kissed Noiz’s forehead then snuggled down against his chest.

Noiz’s startled giggle made him grin “W-what are you doing? Your hair is tickling me.” Clear closed his eyes for a moment and took up a slow, steady breathing rhythm. “I’m just listening to your heart, making sure it’s still beating, you know?” Noiz looked like he was about to say something, but changed his mind and just relaxed. He closed his eyes, running his fingers through Clear’s hair and occasionally whispering sweet things to him in German. Clear smiled, understanding every word. It made him wonder why they ever stopped being together (though he knew the reason, deep down and he was a little wary of it still.) Right now, the only thing that was on his mind was their future together. Christmas was a week away – a little late to be setting up a tree- but they were going to do it anyway, and spend  the holidays in their own unique way. In a sense, it reflected their relationship. He was mostly just happy to be spending quality time with the man he loved.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all long time no see, I’m gonna upload a block of chapters and then probably add a little update at the end

 

 

 

The next evening, Clear had dragged Noiz out to Walmart, to look for a tree. There were hardly any left a week away from Christmas but they managed to find a small, relatively cheap one. The two must have looked like a strange pair, all bundled up and buying a tree together. The Canadian weather was never kind at this time of year and even Noiz relented and wore a jacket and a scarf (his own this time.) Clear on the other hand, was in full holiday spirit. He was already wearing a sweater but he wore a large (ugly, in Noiz’s opinion but he wouldn’t say a word) Christmas sweater over top. Along with his obligatory scarf and when they were outside, he even wore earmuffs. Noiz had to admit, his enthusiasm was pretty endearing. So, they bought their tree and headed home to set it up. 

At this point, Clear was in the process of moving his things back over to Noiz’s- their- home. He decided there was no point in living away from the man he loved, especially when they didn’t spend more than a few minutes apart these days anyway. He never wanted to be in a situation like that again, he wanted to stay with Noiz always. It was becoming a bit irrational, but Clear didn’t care. He was still afraid for his boyfriend. They stayed gentle with each other, tentative as though they were afraid of breaking even that many days later. It was a strange sort of elephant in the room, but neither talked about it. It was probably too soon. After a bit of a struggle, Clear had managed to get Noiz to go to counselling for the first time. It seemed to be helping, and they had taken a trip to the doctor (once again, Clear's decision) and got Noiz started on some antidepressants. Clear never pried unless Noiz brought it up and wanted to talk about it, but that was still rare.

When they got home, Noiz yawned loudly “Aw shit, I just remembered I don’t have any decorations or that shit.” Clear laughed cheerfully “Well that’s okay! We can just make some!” He looked at Noiz’s dubious expression “Or…I could just make them I guess.” He chuckled and kissed Noiz’s nose and then gasped quietly, an inch away from his face. “W-what..?” Noiz asked, resisting the urge to pull back. “You have freckles.”

“What.”

“You have  _ freckles _ .” 

“Yeah….so?”

“Noiz that is the cutest thing ever.”

Noiz rolled his eyes and pulled away, heading to his kitchen “Want anything? Food…drink?” He called casually but refused to look at his giddy boyfriend. “Um…do you wanna make hot chocolate?” Noiz laughed at that “I knew it. Yeah, sure babe.” He set the kettle on and Clear whined “With miiillllkkk” He laughed again, going into the fridge “I figured that too, fine fine you big baby.” He seemed happy and Clear grinned, feeling warm to see it. He made short work of setting up the tree and beamed “There we go! Looks good, right Noiz?” Noiz looked over from the kitchen and nodded. “Yeah. It feels kind of weird though. I haven’t….had a tree since I left home.”

Clear gave him a sympathetic look and nodded. “Well…at least we have one now. That’ll be nice, right? Just the two of us.” Noiz wiped the morose look from his face and nodded. “You’re right. Sorry for being a downer.” Clear padded over and hugged him. “Hey…it’s okay, I know this is tough for you.” He kissed the top of Noiz’s head and smiled, keeping him close. Noiz buried his face into Clear’s multiple sweaters and breathed in slowly. It was a comforting smell and he sighed quietly, easing into the embrace. “Thanks.” He muttered into the taller man’s chest and Clear nodded. “I’m here for you Noiz.”  Noiz nodded and pulled away again, grabbing two mugs. Clear smiled coyly at that “You’re drinking hot chocolate too? How festive of you…” Noiz rolled his eyes and lightly smacked his boyfriend. “You’re lucky I’m…in love with you, you idiot.” The hesitation was there, but it was obvious he was just shy about saying it. A pink flush dusted over his cheeks and Clear thought it was adorable. 

 

He kissed Noiz’s cheek; “I love you too” he cooed and Noiz poured the hot chocolate. “Do we have to decorate the tree? Can’t we just like…have it there? It’s not like we’re  _ really _ celebrating much anyway. No Santa Claus here.” Clear shrugged lightly “I guess we don’t have to if you really don’t want to. Let’s just relax then.”  Noiz looked a little embarrassed. “Let’s like…bake cookies or something at least…” Clear’s face brightened up instantly “Yeah! I think I still have cookies cutters for Christmas! We can make special holiday cookies.” Noiz laughed and nodded, secretly pleased. “Alright, whatever you like…”

Clear rushed off to rummage through his boxes and Noiz flopped on the couch, pulling out his phone. He was surprised to see that he had a message, and it was from an unknown number. He opened the message and frowned as he read it. 

‘ _ Wilhelm,  _

_ I’m sorry that I found your number this way. It’s been years and years, hasn’t it? Our parents never talk about you anymore. Not that they did in the first place but…anyway. It’s Christmas time now, and well…I suppose I was nostalgic. You don’t have to respond to this, but I wanted to say that I miss you. _

_ Your brother, _

_ Theo.’ _

It was in German of course, so it was easy to understand but he was struggling to see the motivation behind it. He and Theo hadn’t spoken in years. Clear came back and noticed the concerned look on his boyfriend’s face. “Noiz? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He walked over, with the box of cookie cutters in his arms. Noiz wordlessly held out his phone for Clear to read and the white-haired boy read the message slowly. “That….your brother sent you that message?” he asked for confirmation. The blonde nodded and frowned “I don’t understand…why after so long…?” Clear looked confused as well “I’m…really not sure. It seems harmless though, right? Your brother never had any hard feelings with you. Maybe he really is just trying to connect after so long?”

Noiz shrugged. “Should I respond then? I…wouldn’t mind talking to him. I’m sure he’s all grown up…he would be seventeen now…” Clear watched the emotions flicker across the blonde’s face. “If you want to, I don’t see why not. It doesn’t seem dangerous or anything..” The blonde looked conflicted already, and Clear wanted to pull him out of that. “Either way, let’s make cookies and forget about it for a bit.” Noiz got up from the couch and sighed “Yeah, good idea, I’m kinda hungry anyway…” Clear laughed “You want cookies for dinner? You’re such a child…” Noiz shrugged and clung to Clear, pressing tiny kisses to his neck and cheeks while Clear giggled at his actions. “Why are you so affectionate all of a sudden?”

“Make me food…”

“You don’t plan on helping now? Or do you want something other than cookies?”

“I want cookies and….pasta.”

Clear ruffled his hair “Alright alright, and you laughed at me for wanted hot chocolate you big baby.” Noiz whined and pouted at him, making a cute face he knew Clear couldn’t resist. Like always, he couldn’t and he pulled away “I’ll get started on the pasta if you start on the cookie dough?” Noiz sipped his hot chocolate “Ugh…okay just tell me what to do.” 

Clear had started teaching Noiz how to cook again, and he really wasn’t too bad at it. As long as Clear gave him simple instructions, he seemed to have a knack for it. Honestly, Clear was surprised when Noiz told him he wasn’t good at cooking after the first meal they had made together. He didn’t really mess up or burn anything once. Clear was proud of him, even now. As he filled a pot with water, he calmly told Noiz what to do, and watched him get all the ingredients. They were just going to make simple sugar cookies, so it wouldn’t be that hard for them and it would be quick.

With a sly grin, he turned on some Christmas music and laughed at Noiz’s pained groan. “My ears…” he complained loudly, covering his ears with his hands and glaring. Clear just happily sang along while he made the pasta sauce, mainly to annoy his boyfriend. Noiz flicked flour at him and snickered at how easily it blended into his white hair before grudgingly continuing his task. A while later, Clear joined him and showed Noiz how to use the cookie cutters.  They made snowmen and Christmas trees and other festive shapes, and while Noiz rolled his eyes at it, the small smile never left his face. While the cookies were baking they ate their pasta and Noiz looked pleased. “This is good…” he murmured quietly and smiled across the table at Clear. Clear thanked him, then moved to a more serious topic “So, do you think you’ll respond to him?”

Noiz was quiet for a long while, chewing slowly and seemingly turning the possibilities around in his mind. Finally he answered, “I think I will. Not because I owe it to him or anything but…it’s hardly like he’s done anything wrong. When we were young what could he do besides follow our parents orders? They were tyrannical at best…” He huffed lightly and glanced away, going back to eating.  

Clear nodded and smiled brightly even though Noiz was looking away. “I think that’s a really good idea. You know, it’s not so bad to try and repair old bonds. Maybe you could get something out of this. In an emotional way, I mean. I know you really hate talking about your childhood but maybe with your brother it wouldn’t be so bad?” Noiz nodded again but said nothing, not really wanting to continue with the topic. 

Later, they were eating their cookies and sitting together on the couch. Clear was watching the Christmas movies playing on TV while Noiz grumbled and played games on his phone, mumbling about ‘bullshit Christmas spirit’. He was desperately trying to think of an appropriate response to Theo’s message. He had a lot to say, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to lay all his cards out in the open like that, or if he even knew what he wanted to say. It was a tricky topic and he was definitely stumped. He didn’t even know what he brother was like anymore. He had seemed fairly open in his message but he had still used formal speech. It made sense, they really didn’t know each other- but it was still awkward. Clear was engrossed in his movie, but sensed his tension anyway and patted his knee. “Just be honest with him, babe.” He muttered, eyes glued to the television. 

Noiz chuckled at his childlike focus and nodded “Yeah okay.” The only problem was, he didn’t exactly know what his feelings  _ were _ . He huffed out another long sighed and opened a new message. The blonde slowly worked on a message, taking care to make sure that it wasn’t any longer or shorter than Theo’s original message.

‘Theo

_ You’re right, we haven’t talked for some time. How have you been? I could have kept in better contact with you, but I wanted to leave that part of my life behind. I’m sure you’re all grown up now. Last time I saw you, you were so young. Sometimes I wish I stayed behind for you…but I wasn’t a good example anyway. Are you still living in Germany? We should Skype sometime. _

_ Your brother, _

**_Noiz_ ** _ ’ _

He bolded his name for emphasis. He figured Theo would understand that his own name was a part of that world he had left behind. In a way, he felt proud of himself. The person he was before he met Clear would have scoffed at the message or at the very least, resented it. The old version of himself wouldn’t make an effort to respond – he would probably delete it on sight. Noiz pressed send and let out a nervous breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Clear turned to him quietly (his movie had ended a few minutes ago) and leaned over to kiss his forehead. Noiz smiled wearily and draped himself over the couch cushions. “I did it…” he muttered, as if Clear didn’t already know that. Clear ruffled his hair a bit, smiling at the softness “I’m very proud of you. Good job.” Noiz tried to hide the smile that lit up his whole face, but to no avail. Clear noticed it and grinned back. When Noiz did smile, it was one of the most contagious and sweet smiles Clear had ever seen. He wanted to see it more often. Clear grabbed him and hugged him close. “I like it when you smile, Noiz…”

Noiz blushed a bit and looked mildly annoyed “Whatever, you act like I never smile.” Clear shrugged and stayed quiet on his opinion about that. “Can we at least put lights on the tree?” He asked, keeping Noiz held close. The blonde shrugged, relaxing in his boyfriend’s arms. “Whatever makes you happy, Clear. I like it when you smile too, you know.” Clear blushed a tiny bit and held him closer. “I’m so glad you can be happy again.” Noiz glanced at Clear with a gentle look on his face and drew him into a slow kiss. It was intimate, but not really sexual. It was just familiar and safe. Their gentle kiss had the same feeling of a warm bath after a long day, or that one sweater that fits you  _ just _ right. It was home. 

Noiz broke away first, feeling his chest tighten up at that. Clear looked worried but Noiz spoke quickly “Sorry…I just…like…I really fucking love you.” He sniffled a bit, rubbing at his eyes and frowning. Clear was at a loss for words, and finally just ended up laughing, holding Noiz tight. “You really are like a child, aren’t you? Crying over something like that…” Noiz sounded like he was about to protest but Clear just laughed more. “Let’s go to bed alright? We'll get lights for our Christmas tree in the morning.” Noiz shrugged and nodded, pulling away and standing up. He offered Clear a hand, which he readily accepted, and they went to go ready for bed together, hand-in-hand.

The way it always should have been. 


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Clear woke Noiz with a start.

“Noiz. Noiz wake up. Noiz. I know what I want for Christmas. Wake uuuuup!!!”

Noiz groaned and rubbed his eyes, grunting at the heavy weight on his stomach. He opened his eyes to see Clear sitting directly on his stomach and sighed wearily. “Clear…get off.” Clear giggled happily and got off of him. “I know what I want for Christmas.” He repeated, bouncing slightly and looking at Noiz with an air of childish glee.  Noiz sat up and yawned, stretching his sore muscles. “Mm…what is it then?” Clear grinned proudly “I want piercings like you!”

“….What?”

“I want piercings like you. Are your ears alright?”

Noiz hit Clear with a pillow for that comment and chuckled. “Yes they’re fine. And I don’t think you really want that, Clear.”

Clear gave him a grumpy look and insisted “Yes I do Noiz. I know what I want.”

Noiz relented and little bit and got up “Okay. We can pick one piercing and go today if that’s what you really want. But not more than one at a time because it’ll hurt too much.” He pulled on his pyjama pants and sighed, scratching his ear. Clear nodded and bounced out of the bed happily.

“I’ll go make breakfast for us, alright Noiz? I love you!” he called excitedly as he ran to the kitchen.

Noiz smiled gently and grabbed his phone to check for new messages. As he had expected, there was one new message from Theo.

“ _Noiz,”_

He smiled at his brother respecting his name.

“ _I’m so happy that you responded to me. I was somewhat afraid that you wouldn’t. I am still living in Germany. Mother and Father have arranged a marriage for me…My fiancée lives with us now. She’s very beautiful and we really are in love. We plan to get married in the spring. Sometimes I dream that you can come to the wedding but I know that’s impossible. Do you have a girlfriend? Or maybe a wife? I would really like to talk to you sometime on Skype or something similar._

_Love,_

_Theo”_

Noiz let out a frustrated groan that piqued Clear’s attention.

“What’s wrong?”

He huffed quietly “Theo messaged me back.”

Clear turned to look at him “Isn’t that a good thing though?”

Noiz shrugged, glancing back at his phone and read Clear the message “Don’t you think seventeen is too young to be married? He’ll be eighteen in the spring but…and arranged marriage? This isn’t the 19th century, you know?” he made an annoyed noise.

Clear looked a little troubled as he continued to cook and think about it. “Well…it might be outdated, but he sounded happy to me. It’s not terrible if they do love each other, right? As long as he’s not really being forced into a marriage he doesn’t want with somebody he hates…we might as well let him be happy. I know you disagree with this and your parents, but if he seems happy, there’s no reason to start a rift between the two of you.”

He huffed and sat at the breakfast bar. Noiz _knew_ Clear was right, and he honestly didn’t want to fight with Theo. Despite their different circumstances, Theo had always loved him and had his back as much as he could. He couldn’t blame him for something like this, and it was nothing against him if he was truly in love. “Ugh, you’re right, of course you’re right…”

Clear gave him a sage grin and set breakfast in front of him, before kissing his forehead “I know! Now eat.”

Noiz nodded and quickly ate the meal Clear had prepared for him. He chewed thoughtfully and thought about how he would reply.

“Hey Clear?”

“Hm? Yeah?”

“How would you feel about going to Germany this spring?”

Clear whipped around in his seat, looking shocked. “Noiz. You _can’t_ be serious. Do we even have enough money for that? Wouldn’t that just cause more problems? Your parents-“

He sighed softly “I just asked what you thought, not if you wanted to do it for sure. Nothing’s set in stone of course but…I’ve missed so much of Theo’s life already. I would feel like a shitty big brother to miss my little brother’s wedding, you know?” he frowned and glanced down at his plate, as if cold eggs and half-eaten toast had all the answers to his problems.

“Noiz, I support you. But we need to make sure that we’re not getting ahead of ourselves here. I can tell that you really love your brother and you want to be there for him, but doesn’t make you a bad big brother if you need to worry about your own safety and mental well-being before him.”

He turned around and hugged Clear tightly “See this is why I love you. You’re so smart and also you’re hot.” He teased, burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. “I want to message Theo back…can you proofread it after though to make sure I don’t say anything wrong? I really care about this, you know?”

Clear patted his head “Of course you care. You have such a kind heart. And you’re not bad looking, either.”

He blushed and shoved Clear away, looking embarrassed “Don’t say things like that….” He mumbled in an indignant tone. Clear just laughed him off and started on the dishes while Noiz composed a reply.

_‘Theo,_

_What is your fiancée’s name? Do you do fun things together? Nah, I bet you’re still a virgin aren’t you ;)? I am in a relationship actually. I live with my boyfriend Clear in my apartment here. We’ve been together for quite some time, though we did take a break about a month ago. We’re really in love. He fills in all the things I’m missing, you know? Soulmate is a stupid term and I hate it, but I really feel like Clear completes me. I want to marry him, but I think I’ll wait for a while before I do something crazy like that. As for you, I’m excited to hear that you’re going to be married. You sound like you’re really happy even though our parents chose a wife for you. Well, I hope you are at least. It’s important to me that you’re happy. You’re still one of the most important people to me and this is very overdue. I’m sorry for that, I guess. But enough of this stupid sappy shit. What I really wanted to say was that I don’t want to miss my baby brother getting married. We’ll see how things progress but I really want to take Clear and be there for your wedding. Hopefully I’m invited._

_Let’s find a time to skype soon, I want to see how much you’ve grown up._

_Noiz.’_

He handed his phone to Clear with an uneasy expression “Does this look good to you? It’s not like…too sappy is it?”

Clear read it over and he glanced at Noiz with a loving expression “You really feel all of this, Noiz?”

He nodded and refused to make eye contact.

“I think this is heartfelt and beautifully written. I wouldn’t change a thing about it.”

Noiz blushed and hugged Clear one more time. “Stupid Christmas movies making me all soft…” he muttered into the older man’s shirt.

Clear just rubbed his back and held him close, glancing out the window. It was snowing again now and bitterly cold. It was about 5 days away from Christmas day, and there was no doubt it was going to be a white Christmas. The sun shone brightly most days, fooling the inexperienced into thinking it was actually warm out when in reality, it was just as cold as any other day. Clear liked the winter though. Something about the purity of everything around them was soothing. While it did get messy and dirty some days, his favourite day was the day after a fresh snow, when everything was sparkling and white. It gave him a sense of peace to be surrounded by the quiet atmosphere on mornings like these.

Noiz pulled away slightly to kiss him and Clear could only sigh happily. It felt good to be intimate with his boyfriend like this. Not in a sexual way (though that was good too) but in a gently emotional way like this. He knew Noiz felt vulnerable right now with all of his brother’s messages, and he wanted to be able to support him properly. He was extremely proud of Noiz for making it this far on his own and he wanted to help him the rest of the way.

“Noiz, I would love to go to Germany with you this spring, if that’s something you want.”

Noiz smiled happily at him “Really?” Clear nodded and Noiz smiled more “Hey, I know this is nice, but we should probably get ready. You still want your Christmas present today, right?”

Clear’s eyes widened and he bounced in his seat “Yes! Yes of course! Hurry up, hurry up let’s go shower! And no sex in the shower this time, we don’t have a minute to waste!”

He hurried to the bathroom and he followed with a happy chuckle.

An hour later, they were on the way to the studio Noiz frequented. The owner, Kevin, greeted Noiz as he walked in. “Back for more, I see.” He said with a grin and Noiz smirked right back. “Nah, it’s for my boyfriend this time.” Clear blushed deeply and waved a little hello.

“Ah, so what’s your name, boyfriend?” Kevin asked with an even bigger grin than before.

“C-clear…” he said nervously and Noiz squeezed his hand a little.

“Alright Clear, what can I do for you today?”

Clear glanced at Noiz, looking unsure and Noiz shrugged “Honestly, I think he’d look great with a vertical labret but this is his first piercing so we wanna go with something more simple, right Clear?”

Clear nodded quickly and spoke up “C-can I just get my ear pierced?” he asked quietly

Kevin nodded happily “Of course kiddo, we all have to start somewhere. This’ll take no time, so let’s go do it.” He brought Noiz and Clear to a separate room and motioned for Clear to sit in the chair. “Alright, so which earring do you want?” He brought out a display case for Clear to choose from. He chose an opal earring because he liked the pretty way it sparkled and Noiz grinned properly. Kevin got his supplies set up and Clear held Noiz’s hand tightly.

“Alright now which ear?”

“My left, please.”

“No problem. This is just gonna be a little pinch okay? So we’ll do it quickly, on the count of three. One, two, three-“

Clear squeezed Noiz’s hand tighter as Kevin adjusted the jewellery “And we’re all done! You did great, kiddo.” He said with a gentle smile. He brought a mirror so Clear could admire his work.

“Wow it looks so pretty…thank you!!” Clear was beaming from ear to ear and Noiz had never looked happier in his life. Kevin went over how to take care of the piercing with Clear while Noiz went ahead and paid for it. When they were all done, Clear waved goodbye to Kevin and promised to be back in the new year for something else, and Noiz just chuckled at his adorable boyfriend.

On the ride home, they chatted a little bit. “So, did it hurt?” Noiz asked curiously, knowing his own judgement of pain wasn’t really something to go by. Clear shook his head “No! Kevin was right, it was really just a little pinch. It’s kinda sore now though…” He pouted a little and Noiz laughed. “Yeah it will be for a little while. You just have to make sure you’re cleaning it regularly so it doesn’t get infected okay? I wouldn’t want to see you go through the pain of an infection.”

Clear glanced at him curiously “Have you had an infection before?”

Noiz nodded “Yeah, I’ll show you when we get home, but I even have a tiny scar where it was. It was pretty bad. I’m surprised I didn’t get more seriously sick.”

Clear nodded and then sighed happily “Thank you so much Noiz!”

 “Merry Christmas Clear.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things that I wouldn’t want my mum to read are in this chapter (THEY FUCC)
> 
> Thought I’d mention again that I wrote the majority of this in 2014- 2015 back when Skype was still a thing ...lmao

After supper, Clear sat cuddled against Noiz on the couch, watching a movie, while he messaged back and forth with Theo. They were messaging on Skype now, and Noiz seemed amused at the conversation. Clear smiled and said nothing, resting his head on his boyfriend’s lap and watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas for the third time that week. It was his favourite Christmas movie and Noiz couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed, because he was so damn cute all wrapped in a blanket, eyes wide with excitement even though he knew what was going to happen.

He leaned down to kiss the white mop of hair and murmured “Theo wants to video chat, do you wanna do that with me?”

Clear grumbled and snuggled closer against Noiz’s stomach “Right now? Can we wait till the movie is over?” Noiz chuckled a tiny bit at his request “C’mon baby…we can watch it again after…”  

Clear sat up and stretched “Fine, if you promise you’ll watch it again with me from the beginning.”

Noiz kissed his nose “Deal.”

Clear laughed and Noiz sent Theo a message saying they were ready when he was. Clear rested his head on Noiz’s shoulder and smiled when the screen lit up with a call. He rubbed his boyfriend’s arm and the blond relaxed a tiny bit before taking a deep breath and answering the call.

Clear was a little shocked at what he saw when Theo came into view.  He was a handsome, well-kept young man with brown hair just a few shades darker than Noiz’s own strawberry blond. He had beautiful green eyes that looked similar to his brother’s and freckles scattered across his complexion. A nervous smile displayed perfect white teeth and he quietly spoke:

“ _ Bruder?” _

Noiz laughed and nodded. His voice was mild and sweet and Clear smiled more. Despite all of Theo’s refinements, the resemblance between the siblings was striking. He glanced at Noiz with a surprised look, but Noiz was too wrapped up in his brother to catch it. 

“Yeah, yeah it’s me.” He spoke in rapid German “What a fine young man you’ve turned out to be, huh?” 

Theo’s face heated up and muttered “You look different too…all those piercings…”

Noiz shrugged and pointed out Clear “This is Clear by the way, my boyfriend.” 

He almost spoke and then paused quickly, switching to broken English “He speak...German?” 

Clear laughed a tiny bit and his face turned pink, responding in German “Yes, I do. It’s pleasure to meet you, Theo.”

Theo groaned softly and blushed even more. He hid his face slightly, embarrassed. “I’m sorry, that was so embarrassing.” He muttered from behind his hands. Noiz laughed a little at his brother’s embarrassment. “He won’t hold it against you, trust me. Where’s your fiancée anyway?” 

Theo straightened in his seat and calmed down a little. “She’s with mother and my mother-in-law. They’re looking for wedding dresses today already.” He shrugged a little and smiled “I didn’t know you had to do it so early, but apparently you do?” Noiz laughed “So what’s her name anyway? I don’t think you ever mentioned it to me…” Theo beamed at that “Ah, her name’s Cinna…she’s so beautiful…” he sighed dreamily and Clear spoke up “Do you have a picture of her? We’d love to see.”

Theo stood up abruptly “Of course, just a moment!” he rushed out of the room and Noiz glanced at his boyfriend. “What do you think so far?” he asked in English. Clear smiled and pulled him into a gentle, loving kiss. “I think you’re doing wonderfully. And your brother is handsome, just like you.” 

Theo came back with a framed picture and held it up to the camera. In it, was a picture of Theo dressed smartly in a suit and a gorgeous woman. She had glossy black hair, beautiful dark skin and a sweet smile. The two of them were very close and looked extremely in love. She was even glancing at Theo without looking at the camera. As expected, she was dressed beautifully in an expensive looking dress and heels. She looked about the same height as his brother, but Noiz guessed she was probably a tiny bit shorter.

“What do you think?” Theo prompted, pulling the picture away.

Noiz smiled proudly “Well…she’s extremely beautiful. Even I can see something like that. And you look so in love…Theo, I’m proud of you. So proud. I’d say you’ve done better than me, but Clear’s right here and he might not like that” He said jokingly. Clear blushed and shoved him lightly, but kept a smile on his face. He was proud too, but of Noiz rather than his brother. He kissed his boyfriend’s cheek and Theo smiled a little.

“Well, I’m proud of you too, brother. You look different of course, but most of all you look happy. And of course I’m happy to see that you’re happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you, anyway. And really…” he glanced down, blushing at his next words “Of course you’re invited to the wedding if you want to come. I-I would even pay your way if you needed…mother and father will be there but…well, it’s your choice anyway but-“

Suddenly, a commanding voice called Theo’s name and Noiz visibly flinched. Clear subtly wrapped an arm tighter around him and he relaxed again.

Theo’s face fell. “Ah…I have to go now. But Clear, it was nice to meet you. And…Noiz...brother, I’ve missed you. I’m glad you’re back.” The voice called again and he gave an apologetic smile as he ended the call before they could say goodbye. 

Noiz bit his lip and sighed. He was still tense and Clear rubbed his arm again. “So…?” he started, wanting his boyfriend to talk to him. Noiz glanced at Clear and let go of his lip “That was…really nice. I missed him too. More than I thought I had.” He buried his face in the crook of Clear’s neck and sighed heavily. Clear just calmly rubbed his back “You did so well, I’m so proud of you…so proud.”

The blonde’s breath hitched lightly and Clear was certain he was going to cry until he pulled away with a smile. “I love you so much.” He whispered softly and kissed him. “Let’s go to bed, okay? It’s been a while since I properly showed you.”

 

He stood up and took Clear’s hand, leading him to the bedroom. When they got there, Noiz kissed him deeply and slid his shirt off. Clear had nothing to do but keep up and relax under his lover’s touch. Noiz pushed him gently to the mattress and took his own clothes off, while Clear kicked his jeans off, leaving his boxers on. The blond did the same, climbing over Clear and kissing down his right side. Clear whined softly, watching him. They had seen each other like this many times, but Clear was still extremely self-conscious of all his scars. Noiz glanced up at him and whispered tenderly “You okay?”

“I…guess.”

“Clear, you’re the most perfect, most beautiful person I’ve met. You don’t have a single flaw. This-“he traced along the discoloured skin “-This is not a flaw. This is you, and you are perfect.”

His words were whispered hotly and Clear could feel the passion from them. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down a little. Noiz was right- it had been a while since they had sex, and he just had to readjust himself to Noiz’s tendency to make him feel like they were the only two people on earth. It could be a little overwhelming, though he absolutely didn’t hate it. He ran his fingers through the messy blond hair and shuddered as Noiz returned to kissing around his hips. He felt heat pool in his stomach and squirmed a little as his boyfriend mouthed over his boxers. Noiz was teasing him, but only slightly, as he soon pulled off the offending clothing. 

Stroking him slowly, Noiz met eyes with Clear and locked him in a passionate stare. “I’m so fucking in love with you.” He murmured before he took Clear into his mouth. He gave a quiet whimper and Noiz smirked, running his piercing along Clear’s cock. The white haired man shivered and let out a moan at that. Noiz knew just what to do to get him squirming, and he loved it. Having practice was a blessing, and soon enough, he had Clear in all the way, despite him being well-endowed. He sucked hard and glanced up at his boyfriend’s blissful expression. He felt himself twitch in response and moved a hand down to palm himself. Clear closed his eyes and gripped his hair tightly, the way Noiz liked it. In return, he moaned around him and bobbed his head, tasting the salty precum at the back of his throat. Clear whimpered in pleasure and Noiz hummed lightly. “Noiz…I’m c-close” he gasped, resisting the urge to buck his hips up. He nodded and swallowed around him, breathing heavily through his nose. He came only a few short moments later and Noiz swallowed quickly before pulling away. “Bitter…” he muttered quietly, trying to catch his breath.

“Sorry.” Clear sat up and kissed him, licking away the spots where Noiz had missed swallowing. He blushed and mumbled something about how his boyfriend was a pervert, before reaching over to the bedside table, grabbing a condom and lube. He happily poured the gel over his fingers and Clear watched in anticipation. He smirked and pushed a finger in, leaving Clear to shiver at the cold sensation. He gave a little whine and Noiz only shrugged, adding another finger and scissoring the two inside of him. Clear was still sensitive, having orgasmed only minutes ago, but he was already beginning to get hard again. “I’m glad you have stamina, babe.” Noiz teased, adding a final finger. Clear mainly ignored him, rolling his hips back against the fingers inside him. When he deemed Clear ready, Noiz removed his fingers and rolled on a condom. They kissed lovingly before he thrust inside with a grunt. Clear moaned blissfully and rocked back against him, causing Noiz to moan too. He locked their lips in a deep kiss, thrusting deep and hard into Clear. With practiced ease, he positioned his hips to hit Clear’s prostate, hissing in pleasure at the resulting tightness. Clear separated them to gasp for air and his moans got louder. 

“N-noiz….I’m – ah…I’m close again!” he whimpered and Noiz gave him a half smirk, pretending he wasn’t as close. “Already? We’ve hardly started…” He snapped his hips hard and Clear’s moans turned into desperate keening. Noiz bit at his throat, letting himself fall into the pleasure a little bit more as Clear tightened around him. Shortly after, Clear came, splattering both their chests with lukewarm semen. Noiz came after, biting a sharp bruise into Clear’s shoulder to muffle his moans. 

After they both stopped seeing white, he pulled out and disposed of the used condom. Clear clicked his tongue at the mess they had made and stood on shaky legs. “Let’s take a bath together, okay?” he suggested sweetly and Noiz nodded. “Sure baby, if that’s what you want.” Knowing Noiz, he would’ve just slept without cleaning himself off, so Clear rolled his eyes and walked into the ensuite to run them a bath. He dimmed the lights, so they wouldn’t assault their eyes and ran the bath nice and warm. For the sake of sentimentalism, he lit a couple candles. Before he had moved in, Noiz never had candles. Now though, they both appreciated it, especially in the bath. He climbed in, and Noiz soon joined him, sighing happily and leaning back against his chest.

“I love you…” he murmured softly, and Clear took the opportunity to tease him. “I believe you said that already…” Noiz rolled his eyes and glanced back at him “Shut up, you loser. I mean it.” Clear just laughed and held him tight. They were quiet for a long time before Clear spoke up. “Before, what you wrote to Theo…do you really wanna marry me?” his voice was somewhat timid and he waited anxiously for an answer.

“Of course I want to marry you, Clear. I want to do everything with you. Travel the world, finish school, I guess. We already live together…I don’t know…maybe one day we can have kids or something- look, I just…I’ve never met anyone better than you and I want to spend the rest of my life together with you. I know we’ve only been together for less than a year but…that’s just how I feel. I don’t know.” He heard a quiet noise behind him and turned around to see Clear with tears in his eyes. “Shit did I….say something wrong?”

“No…no, you said everything right. I want all of those things too. And I love you too.” He smiled gently and they kissed again lovingly. Noiz rested his head on Clear’s shoulder and they stayed like that in peaceful silence, until Clear started to doze off a little.

Noiz urged him out of the bath and wrapped his boyfriend in a towel, before draining the water and blowing the candles out. He wrapped a towel around his own waist and led the sleepy man to bed. When they got settled, Clear chuckled, surprising Noiz. “What’s so funny?” he asked quietly. “Nothing’s funny, really…I just thought that maybe we should let Theo have his moment before we get engaged.” Noiz chuckled softly at that and kissed Clear’s cheek. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that.” He settled himself on his boyfriend’s chest and nearly fell asleep until Clear spoke up again “If we were going to have kids, how would we do it? Adoption, or…?” Noiz shrugged sleepily “I dunno…I was thinking we would do something like a surrogate…that way the baby still has our genes..or whatever.” Clear smiled and kissed his forehead “You’d make a great father.” He cooed and Noiz smirked 

“Gonna start calling me Daddy?” he asked and Clear lightly spanked him. “No, I’m not. I'm the older one anyway.” He laughed and made himself comfortable again. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, anyway. I don’t want a shotgun wedding. Lord knows my parents would actually kill me.” Clear just laughed and nuzzled his face into Noiz’s hair. He inhaled deeply and smiled. He loved the minty scent of Noiz’s shampoo, and the way it clung to him even after a day or so.

Soon enough, Noiz fell asleep and Clear lazily looked out the window to watch the large snowflakes making their way to the ground. It was almost two in the morning now, and he was really tired, but somehow, he felt as though he wasn’t quite ready to sleep. He had been dozing in the warmth of the bath before, but now he felt awake. He traced gentle patterns on Noiz’s skin and sighed, thinking about their future. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go to Germany and meet Theo in person. He still felt some sort of resistance at the thought of meeting the rest of the family though. Without knowing when it had started, he had started holding a grudge against Noiz’s family for how they had treated him in the past. His brother was exempt from this, now that Clear had seen how much he truly cared. But the rest of the family wasn’t. Clear was unsure that he would actually be able to meet Noiz’s parents without being furious at them. He closed his eyes and let out a weary sigh, before opening them and looking out the window again.

He was also concerned for Noiz if they went to Germany. The voice yelling for Theo was undoubtedly their father and seeing the way Noiz flinched just at his voice…Clear felt a little stab of pain in his chest. He didn’t want to see Noiz, who was normally so confident and brave be reduced to fear. He would do anything to protect his boyfriend from something like that, and going to the wedding seemed to be going directly against that. Of course, he knew that sometimes you had to face challenges in life without running away, but he was still worried. Noiz was his entire world, and he had already seen that crumble once. He promised himself that he would never allow himself to see Noiz like that again. He let out a silent breath and hugged the boy closer. 

‘ _ Maybe I’m worrying too much over nothing. I should trust that Noiz knows what he wants, right? We haven’t decided on anything yet anyway, so I can stop being so anxious.’  _ Despite his calm thoughts, he still felt the worry eating at his stomach. With a sigh, he tried to shake it off and think about happier things.

Like how Noiz said he wanted to get married. From afar, it would be impossible to guess, but Clear figured that Noiz really was quite a romantic person. And having kids….that was something he never expected to hear from his boyfriend’s mouth. It was a little shocking but he was absolutely happy with it. He wasn’t joking when he said that Noiz would be a wonderful father. He really felt that the two of them could have a beautiful family together. He smiled at the thought of a rowdy person like Noiz calmly rocking a tiny baby. It was an adorable image and he felt his stomach erupt into butterflies. He appreciated the fact that Noiz constantly told him how loved he was, and upon further thought, he decided he would start saying it more often too. Not that he didn’t always reciprocate when Noiz said it to him, but he guessed Noiz didn’t have that at all growing up. No one around to help him, to tell him how important and smart and loved he was, no one to wipe away his tears and tell him they were proud of him no matter what. That stung a little bit and he whispered into the night 

“I love you…”


	14. Chapter 14

Like Every other year, Christmas came and passed in the blink of an eye. Though they had said they weren’t getting each other anything, Noiz and Clear still ended up buying presents for each other. Noiz spoiled Clear, buying him a ton of new clothes and small trinkets (Clear’s favourite being the jellyfish print bathrobe) and Clear’s gifts were more modest (a “#1 boyfriend” mug and a gift card to Noiz’s favourite coffee shop) except for the beautiful watch he had been saving his money for, for quite some time.  Of course, there was great food and lots of love. They spent the holidays just the two of them and it was as relaxing as it should have been.

The next thing they knew, New Year’s had flown by and it was already Valentine’s Day. 

Being the romantic he was, Noiz started the day by getting Clear a bouquet of white roses and (an attempt at) cooking breakfast.  It was very simple – toast and scrambled eggs – but Clear was absolutely happy. As the day progressed, Noiz insisted that they go out to dinner somewhere fancy, to make up for everything that happened last time. 

He was shaving, a towel hanging loosely from his hips when Clear burst in, only wearing boxers “Noiz. What do I wear?!” He sounded panicked enough that the blond glanced up “What do you mean?” 

Clear blushed a little “U-um….well, I’ve never been out to a fancy place like this so…I just don’t know what to wear.” 

Noiz rinsed his face and grinned “Okay babe, I’ll help you. Just let me finish up in here and I’ll be right there.”

Clear blushed even more and nodded, heading back to their room.  Noiz dabbed on some cologne and fixed his hair slightly, before going back to Clear. “It doesn’t have to be suit and tie…” he muttered, grabbing Clear an outfit from the new clothes he’d gotten him for Christmas. “Try this, and if you like it, it’ll be perfect.” 

The white haired man pulled on his clothes and turned to Noiz for approval “What do you think?” he asked anxiously. Noiz smirked “You look damn hot. I’ve always had a thing for well-dressed men.” 

Clear blushed a little bit more, and noticed belatedly that Noiz had taken out some of his piercings. “How come you did that?” he asked with a curious glance. The blond had taken out his bridge piercing, as well as his lip piercings. Noiz shrugged a little shyly “I thought I looked a little less intimidating this way, I guess. Tryin’ to be more formal or some shit like that…” he mumbled quietly and light blush dusted over his freshly shaved face. Clear just laughed and shook his head. “Hurry and get dressed you cute loser.”

Noiz laughed at his words and quickly got dressed while Clear went to mess with his hair and clean his earring. The piercing was mostly healed now, but he was still diligent in keeping it clean and healthy, because Noiz had shown him his own scars from piercings and he was terrified of that happening to himself. In retrospect, Noiz realised he probably shouldn’t have freaked Clear out like that, but he was happy that Clear was taking good care of himself. He got his jacket on and waited by the door for Clear, who came hurrying out soon enough.  

The dead of winter had no mercy, and so neither of them really messed around. They were both bundled up tightly, in an attempt to keep out the cold. Even Noiz, a devout rebel against the elements, was wearing a scarf and well-worn leather gloves. They got into his car with a shudder and he leaned over to press a warm kiss to Clear’s cold lips. “Happy Valentine’s….or whatever.” He shrugged and Clear giggled. “I never realised, but you’re quite the romantic, aren’t you?” Noiz just grunted and backed out of his parking stall, trying to ignore the heat creeping across his face. Clear laughed again and they were on their way.

Dinner was at a nice place, so nice that to describe it with such a simplistic term was almost insulting. It was candlelit and there was romantic music in the background. It was the kind of restaurant that didn’t have prices on their menus – the kind Clear had never been to and Noiz had been too often. Instead of the uncomfortable dread he usually felt being in a place like this, Noiz found himself relaxed and even happy, as long as Clear was with him. They talked as they usually would, and Noiz humoured Clear’s excitement about everything around them. They laughed and talked and flirted and for once, Noiz felt whole. Not that he didn’t usually when Clear was by his side, but he truly noticed the warmth of the overwhelming love he felt for his other half. He smiled and gently leaned over the table to kiss him mid-sentence. They garnered some shocked looks from the other couples sitting near them, but Noiz didn’t care in the least. They kept it short and sweet, but Clear looked out of breath as he pulled away. His flush was evident on his pale skin and he mumbling a stuttering “What was that for?”

“Because I fucking love you.” Noiz answered matter-of-factly.

This only caused Clear to blush more and Noiz to laugh. “I had to get some revenge, you know? You’ve been making me blush all night.” 

They finished their meal in amicable silence and Noiz paid, silencing Clear’s protests with a short “It costs more than you have” With that, they left the warm building and ventured back out into the cold. Noiz kissed him again and they held hands on their way to the car. “Hey Noiz?” Clear started in a hesitant voice. Though he was older, Clear often held an air of hesitation about him and Noiz thought it was adorable. “Yeah?” He hesitated again and then continued quietly “If…I give you directions, can we go somewhere? It’s kind of special to me.” The younger boy looked a bit surprised but nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah of course.”

Clear’s directions weren’t the greatest, and they were mostly based on landmarks, but Noiz followed them as best he could and it didn’t take long before they were at a clearing in an abandoned field. Clear smiled nostalgically and pointed out the window “If it wasn’t so cloudy, this is a great place to look at the stars.” Noiz stayed quiet, waiting for his boyfriend to reveal the purpose of this little excursion. Clear stayed quiet for a long time, staring out the window and collecting his thoughts. He seemed pensive and melancholy and Noiz was almost worried that he had done something wrong until Clear spoke up.

“I lost my virginity here.”

The blond was still puzzled and waited for the white haired man to continue.

“It was during the summer, of course. Aoba and I were seventeen.” He flinched a little at his own mention of the blue-haired boy “You know…he wasn’t always the way he is now. Anyway, it was summer and he and I drove here. We had sex here, out in the open, like the reckless kids we were. After, we laid here for a long time. We talked and watched the stars as he held me.” 

Noiz felt a hot bolt of jealousy slam through his chest but Clear took no notice, lost in his recollection.

“When I was little, I used to tell Grandpa that I was afraid the stars were going to fall on me. You know how kids are, not everything we do makes sense.” He sighed “I told Aoba that and he teased me, and kissed me and promised we’d be okay. I was stupid to believe him of course, because nobody can make promises like that, but I did anyway. I believe that we truly did love each other. Aoba was a virgin too, then. He…isn’t a bad person. He just…struggles. His parents were as flighty as he is and they left him long ago to travel the world. His grandmother took care of him.”

Noiz tensed a little and spat out a little more harshly than he should have “Who cares? You’re over him anyway!”

Clear flinched, seeming to realise he had poked at a still-healing wound “I-I’m sorry Noiz. I was just feeling nostalgic and I wanted to share this place with you. Of course I’m over Aoba. I don’t hate him, I forgive him but I would never want to be with him again. When you’re that young and someone promises you forever, all you want to do is take it and hold it as close to you as you can. That’s all.”

“What’s the point of this?” he asked dully.

“I really am sorry…” Clear sounded hesitant again. “This is more for me than anyone else. Think of it as…a cleansing. A final goodbye. I’m done with all of this for good now, because the love I feel for you is…well…If my love for Aoba was like…a candle or something, my love for you is a supernova.”

His usual frivolous nature was washed away and Noiz was forced to take him seriously. He felt too young again and he felt his heart beating hard in his chest. Clear glanced at him and gave him a little, pained smile before kissing him slowly. Noiz shivered at the tension between the two of them as they kissed and finally Clear pulled away. “I’m still young and stupid but I want you to be my forever. I want to hold you as close to me as I can and cling to you when I feel like I’m losing all hope. I want you to be my promise. Because I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and it’s terrifying but it only makes me want more. I feel young and inexperienced and clumsy but I know that I want you forever and if I can’t have you…” he shrugged “No one can have me.”

Noiz felt the emotion lump in his throat and his eyes watered. “Clear, I-“

“I’m not proposing to you or anything I just wanted you to know how I feel. This has been building up for a while. And I know we’re already together and in love but…”

Noiz suddenly hugged him and let out a wail. Clear jolted slightly in surprise and hugged him back tightly. He continued on for a while, crying loudly. Clear was shocked to say the least. He had seen his boyfriend cry before, but never so earnestly. He hummed softly in the crying blonde’s ear, calming him down slowly but surely. When he was ready to speak, he spoke quietly, more unsure than Clear had ever heard him. “You know…everyone I’ve ever met…they’ve hated me. My parents, the kids at school…everyone I’ve ever fucked. To everyone, I’m something different but I’m always something to be used and thrown away. For the longest time, I believed that was true. Theo always loved me, but we were segregated as kids, we never saw each other. I-I…my parents didn’t just hate me, they locked me away in my room. I wasn’t allowed to see anyone besides the maids and my tutors. I was forbidden from seeing Theo, but we still saw each other sometimes. I was a burden, something detestable. And then you…you met me, and you didn’t give up, you didn’t shut up and now you own a place in my heart deeper than I’d ever thought imaginable. You love me back.”

Noiz’s cheek were tearstained and he looked younger than Clear had ever seen him. He had an uncomfortable flashback to when Noiz was in the hospital, pallid and lifeless, before glancing at him again. His cheeks were flushed with emotion and he wiped his nose with his sleeve (despite the fact that he was dressed so nicely). His shoulders heaved as he caught his breath, and Clear broke into a smile.

“Noiz, I love you.”

He sniffled and muttered something so soft, Clear almost didn’t catch it. 

“Again.”

“I love you.”

“Again.”

“Ich liebe dich.”

He relaxed in Clear’s arms at that, and closed his eyes. They were silent, lost in their own thoughts and holding each other until the sun broke against the horizon. It was still somewhat cloudy, but the day was definitely here and Clear glanced down to see Noiz fast asleep against his chest. His strawberry blonde hair was sticking up in odd places and he was even drooling a bit. It was hard to believe Noiz was still nineteen when he was going to be twenty-five in a week. He didn’t feel much older than nineteen. To tell the truth, he sometimes didn’t feel older than that seventeen year old who lost his virginity to a blue-haired broken promise. His feelings for this boy honestly scared him a little. He had never felt so in love with someone in his life and it was almost alarming that he would do anything for Noiz if he only asked. He didn’t have as much trouble trusting others as his boyfriend did, but he was still surprisingly guarded about things that mattered. At this point, he felt like he would throw his entire life away to make Noiz smile. But he calmed himself a bit when he realised that there was no way Noiz would ever ask for anything that difficult.  They loved and supported each other and they wanted to see the other succeed.

With that on his mind, he gently woke Noiz up and they started the drive back home. They stopped to get coffee and Noiz used the gift card Clear had bought him for Christmas to pay for their drinks. When they got home, they flopped into an unruly heap on the bed. 

“Clear….let’s just stay in bed all day today.”

“Doing what?”

“Fucking.”

Clear let out a shocked little yelp and Noiz snickered loudly. “I’m kidding, but we can if you want to. I just meant that we should lay in bed and talk and just do nothing, because it’s Sunday and we have class tomorrow and we deserve it. We can order pizza so we don’t have to cook, too.”

By that, he meant that they could order pizza so  _ Clear _ wouldn’t have to cook, but he nodded anyway. “Sure. That sounds really…perfect, actually.”

They had been lucky that Valentine’s Day had been on a Saturday this year, because their second semester was in full swing now, and it was painful. The year ended at the beginning of April for them, but it still felt dreadfully far away. Not long ago, they had received a more formal invitation from Theo and Cinna, saying that their wedding was to be on the fifth of May, so Noiz was planning to be back in his hometown by May first. Clear still felt a lingering trepidation about the whole ordeal, but he wasn’t about to talk to Noiz about it. They were normally quite honest with each other, but he knew any sign of cold feet on this subject would send Noiz spiraling into self-doubt and he didn’t want that at all. He knew already that his boyfriend was more self-conscious than he acted and he wanted to build up the confidence that he had, rather than tear it down. 

They both had stripped to their boxers and were laying peacefully in bed, holding each other tight. “Sorry for uh…crying and stuff last night. That was supposed to be romantic but it got a little…” Clear laughed quietly “Shut up. It was romantic. And you looked kinda cute when you wore yourself crying like that. Not that I ever want to see you cry, but you looked pretty good doing it.”  Noiz scrunched his nose up at that “Yeah right. Nobody is cute when they cry. Especially not me. I get all splotchy and snotty and stuff. It’s gross.”

Clear laughed a little bit more, choosing not to take Noiz’s bait. “Alright then, you looked gross, if that’s what you want me to say.” 

The blonde shot him a dissatisfied pout, but snuggled closer anyway, pressing gentle kisses along Clear’s jaw as he spoke. “You kind of remind me of a little puppy.” He mused with a grin and Noiz nipped at his chin “You’re fucking weird, Clear.”

“Says the one biting my chin”

“Says the one calling me a dog”

“I bet you’re into that though.”

“Yeah, okay, let me get my leash and collar.”

They burst into a fresh set of giggles and kissed deeply. Noiz stroked his thumb across Clear’s cheek and the older man sighed happily. They were content in each other’s company, without anything else to distract him. Surprisingly, Noiz hadn’t even responded to the email that Henry had sent him the night before. He hadn’t even read it. Clear really appreciated the idea of spending the day in their own little world. Despite his bluntness and general social clumsiness, Noiz seemed to have a knack for figuring out exactly what Clear needed, and when he needed it. It was comforting to have someone know him so intimately, and he smiled to think about it.

“What’s that dopey smile about?”

Clear looked over “Hm?”

“You’re smiling. Why.”

Clear laughed a little “Sorry officer, did I exceed my smile quota for the day?”

Noiz ruffled his hair “Don’t be a dick. I’m honestly just curious as to why you’re grinning from ear to ear.”

“Okay, do you want the truth?”

“Duh.”

“The real, whole truth, with no fabrications?”

“Clear, come  _ on _ ” 

“Okay, I was thinking about…your dick.”

Noiz rolled his eyes and hit Clear with a pillow, starting an all-out war and making him forget why he ever questioned Clear’s beautiful smile. 

They ended the night by ordering a pizza online and playfully arguing about which kind to get, though they ultimately decided on pepperoni. 

Noiz fell asleep that night, thinking that he had never been happier.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama I’m sorry I made the fictional men fuck in explicit detail again..

The snow melted away finally and March melted into April. April meant finals, and that meant to Clear holding Noiz as tight and close as possible so he didn’t fall apart. Despite the fact that Noiz was extremely intelligent, he had the worst test anxiety Clear had ever seen. So they worked together, passed their classes and made it out of the semester mostly unscathed.  They were set to head to Frankfurt on the 30 th of April, giving them time to prepare. Clear was a little worried about Noiz’s nonchalance as they packed the night before.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, fiddling with his earring while Noiz folded dress shirts.

“What do you mean? Of course I am…” He paused in his folding and glanced up at his boyfriend. He had put his piercings back in since Valentine’s, but Clear wondered whether he’d keep them for the wedding or not. Noiz was uncannily conscious about how he appeared in formal settings and something about that worried him just a little.

“Noiz, really. You should be a little nervous, at least, shouldn’t you?” He frowned trying to choose his words diplomatically “I mean…I’m not trying to make you nervous. You just used to be so touchy about this topic and now…” He bit his lip “Never mind.”

Noiz set the sweater he was folding down “Clear…” he sighed quietly, rubbing his forehead. “Of course I’m nervous. I haven’t seen my family in  _ years _ . They haven’t wanted to see me. I-I...still think they don’t want to see me. I’m bisexual which I'm sure is gay in their eyes, I’m covered in piercings, I have a bad attitude…” He shook his head, trying to calm himself down. “Look. I know they don’t care about me and they probably won’t even like you. I’m sorry, I really am. But I’m doing this for Theo. Nobody else.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed again, louder than before.

Clear looked at his own suitcase, feeling discouraged. The tension was thick in the air, but he tried to shake it off. “Look, I’m sorry. Let’s just forget about it.” Noiz nodded curtly and they continued their packing in silence. 

It didn’t take them long to finish packing when they were both so focused, and after they were done, Noiz put a comforting hand on Clear’s shoulder. “Look…Let’s try to relax. It’s a long flight tomorrow and the last thing we need is to be all wound up like this, yeah?” That was the closest to an apology Clear was going to receive so he nodded. He knew Noiz was nervous but he was putting on a brave face. And if someone younger and more involved could do it, he felt a little pathetic for not being able to.

Noiz pulled him into a tighter embrace, pressing their hips together. His gaze had turned lustful and Clear had the distinct impression that they were avoiding confrontation, but he let himself fall into it anyway. Their lips met and he let out a weak moan as Noiz slid a hand up his t-shirt. He shivered as the younger man played with his nipples, bringing them to hard peaks. He leaned forward to press hot kisses along the blonde’s jaw and smiled slightly as Noiz reacted. He pulled off his own shirt and Noiz unbuttoned his, letting the shirt hang loosely from his shoulders until Clear slid it off the rest of the way.

They fell back onto the bed, locked into a deep kiss. Clear relished the way the metal in Noiz’s tongue clacked against their teeth. He let out another heated puff of breath and worked Noiz’s jeans off his hips. The blonde reached between them to grope at the font of Clear’s pants and he couldn’t help but let out a low moan.  He ran his tongue along Noiz’s bottom teeth, and felt the heat in his stomach coil tighter. He kicked off his sweats and briefs, leaving himself naked for Noiz. The blonde’s gaze was predatory as it raked over Clear’s pale body and the look itself made heat rise to the older man’s cheeks. 

“Let me make you feel good.”

He murmured, and ghosted his lips over Clear’s lower stomach. Clear trembled lightly and carded his hand through the soft strawberry blonde locks. “Y-yeah…you can.” Noiz smiled and pressed gentle kisses along the shaft. He nipped at Clear’s hips and reveled in the soft whimpers that leaked from his lips. He slid his mouth over the sensitive head and sucked lightly, glancing up with lust-darkened eyes to watch his boyfriend’s reaction. Clear’s face was scrunched up with pleasure and the pink tint had darkened to a red, dusting over his cheeks and down his chest. Noiz smirked and put more effort into the task at hand, taking Clear further into his mouth. He had the practice, but he certainly put a lot of effort into it. He took it a little too far and gagged, making Clear cry out in pleasure.

“N-noiz…you don't h-have to- ah!” his words were shaky, but it made Noiz smile nonetheless. It was cute that he worried about Noiz even like this. To be honest, Noiz found it very arousing. He sat up and pulled his own boxers off, reaching into the night table for a condom and lube. He stretched lightly “Clear…” his voice was low and seductive “I want to ride you, okay? But…I want to try something different too…” Clear nodded and let Noiz take control. He pulled out a vibrator and smiled “This okay?”

Clear focused on the object being held in front of him and nodded slowly. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t done things like this before but he was sure that Noiz had some different ideas. Either way, he just wanted this to go where it would so they could burn off some steam. “Yes…it’s okay.” He blushed at having to verbalize it, but he knew Noiz wouldn’t have continued without it. The blonde smiled and lubed up his fingers, gently stretching Clear. The man below him gave a particularly desperate moan and Noiz smirked at him. “You’re this worked up from a little fingering, hm? Has it been too long?” He added the third and final finger, scissoring them around inside. The feeling of Clear’s heat tensing around him made him ache to be inside, but he knew he had better plans. He lubed up the vibrator and slid it inside. There was only a little bit of resistance and he chuckled. “Mm…your ass is just sucking it in Clear. You really want it, don’t you?”

Clear moaned in response and Noiz slid the condom on Clear’s erection. He smiled at the heat pouring from Clear’s body and poured more lube on his fingers, now preparing himself. He made a show of it, moaning loudly. “A-ah Clear…I want you so bad…” The white haired man was obviously affected by these words and shuddered as he watched Noiz stretch himself out. Noiz gasped, brushing over his prostate, and removed his fingers before he got too worked up. 

He slowly lowered himself onto Clear’s cock, now moaning earnestly. He reached back and switched the vibrator on, making Clear jolt his hips up in surprise. He moaned at the deep position and rocked back against him. Clear panted at bit and managed to lock his gaze on Noiz’s face. They made eye contact for a brief moment before Noiz continued moving against him. The pleasure of being inside Noiz while also being filled was almost too much to handle and Clear felt himself gasping for breath as they fell into a rhythm. 

He reached out and dug his fingers into Noiz’s hips. His white fingers looked even paler against his young boyfriend’s skin and he smiled, panting between thrusts. Noiz let out a quiet mewl, letting Clear know what he was doing felt very  _ very _ good. It wasn’t often that Noiz was vocal during sex and he knew that Clear really appreciated it when he was. They locked into a kiss that was more teeth than anything and Noiz cried out as he came onto Clear’s chest. The older man came shortly after and reached around to pull the vibrator out quickly, feeling oversensitive. He flicked it off and tossed it to the side as Noiz eased himself off of his softening cock.

Noiz slid to his feet and walked to the bathroom, getting a warm wet cloth and wiping himself down, before wetting it again and bringing it to Clear to clean off his chest. Clear relaxed under Noiz’s gentle touch and let him wipe down the rest of his body. He disposed of the condom and threw the cloth into the hamper before climbing back on the bed. He gave Clear a gentle kiss on the cheek, resting his head on the man’s broad chest.

“Noiz…”

“Hm?”

“You’re so cuddly today…”

“Ja.”

“Du bist süß.”

Noiz laughed at him, kissing his smooth forehead. “You have a cuter accent when you’re tired.”

Clear shrugged and pulled him back onto his chest. His reservations about tomorrow were still prominent but the sex had gotten him to relax, if only a little bit. He rubbed Noiz’s shoulders gently, feeling the telltale tension in the muscles there. Noiz was extremely stressed, more than Clear had thought he was letting on. He felt a pang of regret ring through his chest. He should have been more attentive to the boy that he loved. More…compassionate perhaps. He should have focused on Noiz’s pain instead of his own, for surely it was greater. He frowned and urged Noiz to roll over so he could ease the tense muscles. 

“It’ll be better if you’re more relaxed on the long flight, baby.” He said soothingly, repentance heavy in his tone.

Noiz mumbled something in agreement, resting his tired head in the pillow. Clear worked carefully, trying to ease the pain in his neck and shoulders. The tenseness yielded after some time and Noiz let out a satisfied groan. Clear smiled and placed gentle kisses along his spine “We’re going to be just fine, Noiz. Just fine.” Whether he was confident in his reassurances or not was unclear, but they both took comfort in it anyway. Clear moved his hands lower, massaging Noiz’s back and legs, and lulling him to a satisfying sleep.

When he had finished, Clear drew the covers over them, and tried to rest. Sleep seemed elusive through the night and he woke up at the alarm, feeling unwell and unrested. Noiz sat up with a sleepy groan, slamming his hand down hard on the alarm and silencing it. Clear pulled him back up when he fell back to the bed “Time to get up. We have to get to the airport on time today.” Noiz grumbled angrily and got out of bed, cursing the cold floor. Clear joined him, padding to the bathroom and turning the shower on. Steam filled the room and he let out a sleepy yawn. Noiz used the toilet, watching Clear’s pale form through the shower door. He finished and joined him under the hot water, leaning against him tiredly. Clear went about his shower routine, adjusting as necessary to the half-asleep man on his back. When he had finished his own cleaning, he took care of Noiz, washing his hair and body, and making him fresh and clean for the day.

They finished shortly and Clear left Noiz to get dressed while he prepared breakfast for the road. They were going to call a cab, rather than driving and paying for parking. While Noiz had no qualms about doing the latter, Clear still had some of his commoner’s pride and refused to let Noiz waste money like that. Noiz rolled his eyes and had no choice but to agree of course. Clear got their breakfast ready quickly and Noiz came out with their suitcase and carry-on items. 

Clear handed his boyfriend a plate “Here, eat quickly and I’ll call the cab.” Noiz rolled his eyes but he gave Clear a fond smile and ate quickly. Clear set everything up for the cab to arrive and then scarfed down his own meal. He was sure they’d be getting something to eat at the airport upon arrival, but it was good to eat before leaving anyway. He threw their dishes in the dishwasher and turned it on. 

The two men grabbed their windbreakers and respective luggage, before getting in the elevator. Clear was still somewhat fascinated with the fact that they had their own personal elevator and Noiz just laughed and kissed his cheek. The taller man blushed a little at Noiz’s dismissal but nonetheless, he accepted the kiss and stayed close. 

“Hey so…thanks for the massage last night.”

“It was no problem, I wanted you to sleep well.”

It was Noiz’s turn to blush and he glanced away in embarrassment. “What about you? Did you sleep alright?”

Clear shrugged lightly, giving an uncertain hum.

“I guess…not really.” 

Noiz sighed softly and eased off a bit. “Sorry…I slept like a baby, at least"

Clear laughed "You are a baby!"

Noiz shoved him lightly, trying to hide his grin. They had a general air of nervousness around them,  and maybe a little bit of excitement. Clear seemed more nervous than him, but he brushed in off and settled in next to him. The cab ride would be about an hour and he had time to rest.

Clear wrapped a warm arm around him and Noiz quickly fell asleep. Clear played with his hair, still feeling like he was unable to rest. Instead, he watched the city zoom by through the window and let his mind wander. He wondered briefly if Noiz was getting sick, with the amount he had been sleeping recently. Normally his boyfriend was such a nighthawk that it was hard to believe he was so sleepy as of late. He figured that the stress was eating at him. From finals to the stress of coming back into contact with his estranged family, there had been a lot going on in Noiz’s life. He brushed Noiz’s hair from face and kissed the shell of his ear. 

He briefly wondered if Noiz’s parents even knew he was coming. As far as Clear knew, he hadn’t even talked to his parents at all. The only time he remembered hearing anything from them was when their father called Theo away from their first skype call. Even then Noiz had flinched at the sound of his father’s demanding voice. Clear was worried for their first introduction. He hoped that Noiz’s parents wouldn’t take it out on him.

He shook his head, trying to get the worrying thoughts out of his mind. He was already nervous, with never being on a plane, let alone never leaving the country before and he didn’t want to make it harder on Noiz than he had to. He kissed the sleeping boy again and frowned quietly.

Noiz, forever being a light sleeper stirred at that and sat up properly, looking at Clear with a groggy expression. “Was ist es?” he asked quietly, still half asleep. Clear smiled at the sleep-riddled expression. “Nothing baby…you can go back to sleep.” Noiz shook his head and briefly kissed him “I don’t wanna go to sleep again yet…” Clear smiled a tiny bit and kissed his cheek. “Okay then. We’re almost there anyway, so it’s probably better if you stay awake.” Noiz nodded quietly and snuggled close again. 

“Are you nervous about speaking German all the time for two weeks?” 

Clear shook his head “No, not really. I’m at a pretty similar level to you, right?”

“Yeah, absolutely. You just don’t know all the slang and dirty words and stuff.”

“I know some, thanks to you. But I doubt I’m going to need them for your little brother’s wedding” 

Noiz snickered a tiny bit. “You never know…Things could get a little crazy. Would you get into a fight to defend my honour?”

Clear laughed a little more “What honour?”

He smacked Clear’s chest “You’re too mean to me…I do have  _ some _ honour…” 

“Suuure you do.”

Clear relaxed now that they were both in a lighter mood. He kissed Noiz again and kept him close as they pulled up to the airport. Noiz seemed excited at the prospect of going home for a visit to see Theo again. Clear was generally just excited for Noiz.  

“Clear. You’re thinking too much. Please stop.”

Clear looked a tiny bit shocked and glanced back down at Noiz. 

Noiz blushed a little “L-like you said last night…we’ll be just fine. Right? Just fine?”

Clear nodded a tiny bit “Yeah…you’re right. I’m sorry for that. I’m just….honestly really nervous. I'm still scared about flying.”

“I’ll be right by your side. I promise.”

Clear blushed a tiny bit at his words and kissed him slowly.

“Noiz…I love you so much.”

“I love you too. Let’s get going. Security’s gonna be hell.”

He nodded with a slight laugh “I’ve never been to an airport before, so lead the way!"


	16. Chapter 16

The flight was almost nine hours long, and although he had slept for most of it, Clear still felt exhausted. Noiz looked groggy as well as they left the plane to get their luggage. It was night time in Frankfurt and everything seemed relatively quiet, except the beating of Clear’s own heart. He had to admit he was scared shitless for an event like this, and he didn’t even know where they would be staying. 

He let Noiz take care of speaking for a while and felt somewhat comforted by hearing his boyfriend speak so effortlessly and smoothly. It surprised him to realise that while Noiz’s English was almost entirely flawless, he did have the slightest accent. It was cute and he blushed a little bit to think of it. They went to the front entrance and Clear leaned over to gently kiss his cheek. “Hey, so where will we be staying? At a hotel, or…?”

Noiz looked a little uncomfortable but they both ignored that. “Uh, actually we’ll be staying at my parents’ place with everyone else. I basically have my own wing of the mansion though, so privacy won’t be a problem at all for us. I’m sorry…I should have told you earlier but…”Clear shook his head and hugged him “Whatever works is fine with me.”

Noiz let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and smiled weakly “The chauffeur should be here to pick us up soon, alright? Nobody will bother us tonight. I’m sure they’re already all asleep by now. We’ll just introduce ourselves in the morning. Besides, my section has its own private driveway.” He smirked just a little at awestruck expression and chuckled. “You’re so cute when you light up over these things” 

Clear blushed indignantly “Well sorryyy Mr. Rich Guy. Not everyone has their own private driveway.” They dissolved into nervous giggles as an expensive looking vehicle pulled up front. 

“Ah, there’s our ride. Hans will take the bags so just get in, okay?”

Clear nodded and got in the car, watching as Noiz greeted the driver and presumably gave him instructions. It was all in fast-paced German, so he tuned it out and instead focused on the expensive interior of the car. The seats were a supple grey leather and everything else seemed high-quality. The other two joined him in the car and Clear relaxed against Noiz, not bothering to do up his seatbelt. Noiz kissed his fluffy white hair and smiled, pulling his boyfriend close. It felt nice to be close like this; it felt like they hadn’t just cuddled in a long time. The drive from the airport to the mansion took about an hour and a half, so Noiz sighed quietly and closed his eyes. “Clear, let’s just rest. I’ll wake you up when we get there.”

Clear, who had already been dozing, nodded in agreement and let himself drift into a mostly peaceful sleep. Once or twice he was awoken by a bump in the road, but Noiz’s soft murmurs lulled him back to sleep and he felt much refreshed by the time they arrived. 

He heard the driver (Hans, was his name. He’d have to remember that) tell Noiz that everyone was eagerly expecting them. Noiz grumbled something Clear didn’t quite catch and seemed annoyed.

“Master Wilhelm, I have been informed that Master Theo has stayed awake, waiting your arrival and he would like to see you. Shall I send him here?”

Noiz shrugged a little with an indifferent expression “Whatever. If he wants he can. We both know he’ll show up whether he’s invited or not anyway.” 

Hans chucked and drove off and Noiz led him inside. “Sorry, it was a pretty long drive. Apparently Theo stayed awake for us, even though it’s late.” He seemed mildly annoyed but Clear smiled, knowing it was just the fatigue from the long trip they’d endured. He was shocked as Noiz led him to his own sitting room with a smug grin. 

“Wow…it’s so lavish…” 

“Yeah, this is just the living room. Well, one of them at least.” He chuckled to himself and Clear couldn’t help his own little chuckle that slipped out. 

Noiz pulled him in for a lingering kiss on the plush couch and they both sighed happily at the contact. Noiz’s hot breath made Clear squirm and they would have continued, were it not for the knocking on the door. 

“Big brother, I’m here!” 

Theo burst in with a maid in tow. The maid was carrying a tray of tea and sweets for them and looked a little sheepish as the two men scrambled away from each other. She set the tray down, bowed lightly and rushed out of the room.

Henry chuckled cheerfully and tackled Noiz into a tight hug, which Noiz didn’t seem to particularly enjoy. “Noiz! I’m so happy that you’re finally here! I’ve missed you for so long!” Noiz blushed a little and gently pulled his brother off of him. “Yeah. I’ve missed you too Theo. I can’t believe you’re this grown up already…”

Clear glanced politely away from the intimate moment, feeling a little out of place. He wondered if it would be rude to excuse himself to the bedroom, but didn’t say anything, instead reaching for his cup of tea. The two brothers spoke rapidly and Clear zoned them out as he prepared the tea. Noiz briefly interrupted his younger brother.

“More importantly, this is Clear. You’ve met him already, but…”

Theo nodded excitedly “I’m so pleased to meet you in person, Clear! And happy that you speak German!” he giggled a little and Clear couldn’t help but smile at his exuberance.

“I’m very happy to have met you too Theo, congratulations on your engagement!” He held out his hand for a handshake and was surprised when Theo pulled him into a full hug. “You’re family so it’s okay if I do this, right?” Clear looked especially happy and hugged back tightly.

"I'm so excited you already see me as family!!"

Theo grinned and Noiz rolled his eyes "Geez...you know that's  _ my  _ boyfriend, Theo" Clear giggled and the sound put them all at ease.

They talked for some time, before Noiz subtly urged Theo to go back to his fiancée so that Clear and he could go to bed. Henry gave them both hugs again before dashing off into the night and Noiz let out a tired sigh.

“Bed?”

“Hell yes.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter for now, next “chapter” will actually be an update

The next morning, Noiz awoke to the familiar golden light streaming across his face. He turned his head ever so slightly and noticed Clear was still asleep. Rather than waking him, he glanced around the bedroom. It hadn’t been updated since he was still living there as a child and it was a wonder they even bothered to clean it. All in all, it didn’t look as though it had been touched by anyone other than the maids since he had been there last. A sort of eerie sensation washed over him as he caught a glance of some of his old toys. A large plush rabbit sat in the corner, collecting dust and Noiz had vivid memories of clinging to that rabbit for dear life as a child. At the time, it had been as large as him. It was a comforting presence to hold onto as he sobbed, wondering why his parents hated him and as he got older, wondering why he had been cursed with his affliction. Now, it was worn with age and looked as pathetic and useless as Noiz had felt.

Frowning grimly, he brought his focus back to the present. Birds were chirping happily outside and it made his stomach churn. Too much of this was the same, and it was all wrong. Feeling caged, he sat up slowly, careful not to wake his sleeping partner. While it would be good for Clear to adjust to the foreign time zone, Noiz didn’t feel like he was able to hold a conversation properly. He slid out of bed and changed into proper daytime attire. A grey button up shirt, and black slacks. It was business casual at all times with his parents, and he didn’t want to offend. For good measure, he slipped on a baby blue cardigan and adjusted his appearance in the full-length mirror. Once he deemed himself properly dressed, he left the bedroom and went to his private kitchen to fix himself coffee. It felt odd being here as an adult, having the choice to leave his wing of the mansion. He sipped his coffee and cursed at the temperature, feeling the burn numb his tongue. Stepping out on the patio, he idly wondered if he should remove his piercings. His mother was likely to be shocked and disgusted by them; she always was by things like that. The early morning wind chilled him, and he was happy to be wearing the cardigan. 

He glanced at his slippers and sighed as he tried to find some solace in the outdoors. His coffee had gone cold on the table beside him, and he had no interest in further pursuing it. Brunch was to be at eleven o’clock sharp. There, he would meet Theo's fiancée in person, as well as introduce Clear to his family. A pang of nervousness ate at him as he gazed out to the trees in the distance. A familiar voice called out to him, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Noiz? I wasn’t sure where you went…are you okay?” Clear’s voice held a hint of hurt and Noiz easily caught the message underneath it all  _ “Noiz….why didn’t you come to me for comfort?” _ he shook it off and turned around, facing his boyfriend.

“Hey, I’m fine, I just wanted to get some fresh air before brunch. Did you sleep well?”

Clear shrugged lightly and walked onto the balcony, barefoot. He wrapped his arms around Noiz’s waist “It was better when you were still there. I should get dressed, shouldn’t I? It’s nearly 10:00…” he yawned suddenly and Noiz noticed how exhausted he looked. He assumed that it was mostly jet lag, but he couldn’t tell if it was nervousness too. Clear gave him a chaste kiss and Noiz felt comforted by the familiar lips on his. “Yeah, I suppose you should…”

Clear gave him a sweet smile and ducked back to his bedroom to get dressed. Noiz was once again reminded how strange it was to be sharing a childhood room with his lover. It made him feel  _ vulnerable _ and even though it was Clear, it was still a feeling that he didn’t like. They finished getting ready and Noiz called for the driver to bring them around the other side. Clear looked a little bewildered at that and Noiz chuckled.

“What’s up, you look shocked?”

“W-well…I’ve just…it surprises me that we have to take a car to get to the other side of the same house.”

“Yeah well, it’s a large estate,” he explained “And after everything, this wing was built separately from the rest of the house, so I can’t just cut through. Really, we could walk, but I wouldn’t want to mess up our clothes and make a poor first impression.” He drawled the last part with a sardonic tone and while it made Clear laugh nervously, he wasn’t sure he should be indulging in this sort of humour.

They got into the car and drove for a short five minutes until they were dropped off at the front door of the manor. To say it was luxurious was like saying the winters back home were just chilly – a major understatement. Clear gathered his courage and held Noiz’s hand tightly. Noiz looked a tiny bit tense but soon relaxed in his grip. They walked in together and were greeted heartily by Theo once again.

"Big brother! Clear!" his smile was bright and sunny, and it annoyed the grumpy morning side of Noiz a little. Clear greeted him equally brightly, pulling Noiz and Theo into a group hug. Noiz groaned and pretended to hate it, but he was secretly happy.

"Um...Theo?" A timid female voice spoke up. They all glanced over and Theo looked a little embarrassed. "Ah...sorry Cinna! This is my big brother, and Clear, his partner!" She smiled sweetly and stepped closer to Theo "It's really a pleasure to meet you, Theo has talked about you so much."

Feeling nervous again, Noiz pulled Clear close to him and nodded. For Clear, the nervousness had melted away, and he was glad for it. He could lean on him for support if he wasn't as nervous as before. 

"You're even more beautiful than the picture!" Clear chirped happily, making Theo blush and Cinna giggle. "Why thank you, you're very handsome yourself, Clear.”

A maid came towards them and spoke "I'm very sorry to interrupt you, but I must announce that your parents are waiting for you now." she bowed slightly.

Theo smiled "Thank you again, Marie" With that, she hurried off to help in the kitchen. Theo smiled reassuringly and led the way. Noiz's stomach dropped to his feet but Clear squeezed his hand, pulling him gently along. The walked into the extravagant dining room and took their seats.

Soon after, a beautiful, dark haired woman walked into the room with a man that could only be described as intimidating. Theo was practically on the edge of his seat to see everyone's reactions and then everything kicked into high speed. 

The woman looked wide eyed at Clear and Noiz, seeming lost for words. Even the man looked taken aback. "W-wilhelm? Is it really you?" Noiz's head snapped up as he looked at his parents, the fear plain on his face "Y-yes...it's me." 

Noiz's mother burst into tears and rushed to embrace Noiz. "Oh, Wilhelm, my son, I've missed you so much. I can't believe you're here now...oh, how I've missed you!" Noiz sat stiff, fear morphing into confusion, as his father came and placed a hand on his shoulder "Wilhelm, Theo tells me you've grown into a fine young man. Your mother and I have missed you dearly."

Clear looked at Theo, as confused as Noiz was. Sheepishly, he explained "Well....I didn't tell them you were coming...so it was a surprise-"

Noiz's harsh tone broke through the room "Missed me?! How can you say that! You locked me up, and threw away the key. You sent me away, you pretended I didn't exist and now...now, you  _ missed me _ ?" He pulled away and Clear braced for the confrontation, putting a hand on Noiz's bicep. 

Noiz's mother pulled away, tears still present in her eyes. "I..knew...I knew I shouldn't have waited so long, but-" she burst into a fresh round of tears.

Noiz's father took over for her, and while he stayed composed, his voice held as much emotion as his mother. "Your granfather passed away recently. He...he was the one who forced us into all of that. He didn't want ridicule to come to the family, more than it had to. He was already embarrassed about having your mother be mixed-race and...this was the only option. We didn't contact you because it was so painful. Now I realize how wrong we were. I'm so sorry Wil- ....N-Noiz." He forced the name out, but it was clear that he was absolutely sincere. "Theo had told me you prefer to be called that. I...we can never expect your forgiveness..but I pray that you understand."

Noiz's face was blank as he took the information in. He glanced from Clear to his mother, to Theo, to his father. His voice cracked as he spoke "You....y-you don't hate me?" Clear watched, prepared to be defensive, but let them talk. His mother almost sobbed "No! No, I would never hate my son, my first born..."

Suddenly, Noiz stood, knocking his chair down in the process, and bolted from the room. Everyone looked helplessly to Clear to explain the situation. As nervous and shocked as he was, he blurted out "I'm sorry, I need to follow him!" and dashed off to follow Noiz.

  
  



	18. Update on me, the most important

Oof. Big oof. I haven’t updated in like half a year but I’ve been pretty seriously sick and I moved and also got married in that time so I really didn’t have much time for this fic. As of right now I’m not sure I’m going to update this but I’m keeping it up because it’s a child to me. Lmfao. Anyway there’s a chance I might update this in the future but for now I’ve been interested in other things and fandoms 

Pwease dwon’t hate me mister obawma


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